School dinner help?

[gothichick]

My little boy started school and school dinner is a big thing, very encouraged. Charlie looooves his food and all the teachers are telling me how well he is eating. They offer a veggie opition, I have tried taking to Charlie about it, but he is four, and it doesn't seem to be working, he agree with everything at home, very happy then I find he's gone for chicken or something, I'm trying not to get upset, as I don't want him to feel bad or anything you know? Like I said, he's four and loooves food, don't want to discourage him as he so open to trying new foods and eats so well. I am going to take to the teachers tomorrow see if they can 'encourage' him to at least take the veggie choice. What else can I do? I really want him to have these dinners, all his friends eat school dinners and the packed lunches are in a seprate place, he's so shy so this little group his in is so important and really helping him. I know I'm babbling I just feel stuck between a rock and hard place with the best thing for him. Help?

[Poison Ivy]

Usually there will be a list somewhere for catering/dinner/teaching staff that lists any children who have allergies/specific dietary requirements etc so that everyone knows not to offer those foods to the children.

Maybe you could ask if your sons school has similar and that he be not given the meaty/fish/dairy selections??

[veganf]

I would either make sure he is only offered veg food, or pack him a lunch. For me there would be no "letting him choose" at this age, because he's too young to make an informed decision, he is simply giving in to peer pressure and following the behaviour modeled by his friends and teachers.

[Bunny]

Okay, I may be lynched here... but anyway...


I honestly think that if you let him do his own thing but give him a good example at home and gently tell him your reasons for veganism then he will make his own choice when he is old enough.

Yes, 4 is not old enough to know. Yes, he could well be giving in to peer pressure, but his happiness considering he has just started school is also very important. You want veganism to be a life long thing for him (hopefully) so making it something he has happily chosen for himself is important too. If you make it the thing that made him stand out from all his friends he may not see it as a positive thing when he is older.

This is the situation I have with my kids. In an ideal world they would be perfectly, 100% vegan, but I just don't want to force them to stand out. They have only vegan food at home and often choose vegan options out. It is hard being a kid and when they have school dinners they will sometimes choose non vegan things.

However, when I pack them a lunch it is vegan and I try to do this as often as possible. Being a single mum of 3, working full time and no family around at all to support/help me - school dinners can sometimes give me a much needed break and I try not to feel horrifically guilty when they have them.

I hope people understand where I am coming from in saying this. I would love nothing better than to have them 100% vegan, 100% of the time, but it is not always possible for me in my life at the moment. I just try to arm them with the necessary information to make the right choices.

[residualvisuals]

Interesting system being tested over your way that includes a way of rejecting unacceptable foods on a particular student's tray:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1219069/Parents-spy-children-lunch-school.html

[RubyDuby]

I don't have kids and am not judging anybody. Wouldn't he have a group of friends to eat with if he brought his lunch too?

I agree 4 is too young to make those kinds of decisions and the teachers should respect your decision to feed him the way you think he should eat. He doesn't have to stand out. When he's older he may resent being given dead animals to eat when he didn't know any better.

[cedarblue]

tricky.

does he have any friends in the packed lunchers group?

maybe get him trained up to ask 'is it vegetarian', say when you are out ask the waitress or server if it's vegetarian, or better encourage him to ask, get him in the habit of doing it, even if you can clearly see it's veggie, he won't be able to. explain why you eat veggie at home, saying its a kinder way to live. i'm not sure being graphic to a youngster like that is positive.
i'd emphasise why you eat veggie and not why you don't eat meat.

...and a bit like bunny, i may well set myself up for a lynching here but sometimes i feel forcing kids to be vegan when they clearly want to try other foods outside the house can seem a bit like bringing up a child within a certain faith; it's like there is no possible other way to eat or worship. your kid may resent being given dead animals to eat but on the other hand he may appreciate being respected to be given the choice.

in our house, my daughter ate what she wanted out the house, she is now 16 and has been full time veggie for 5 years now. it was her choice and decision, i just explained to her why I was veggie then vegan, not why she should be.

...just my point of view.

[Bunny]

tricky.

does he have any friends in the packed lunchers group?

maybe get him trained up to ask 'is it vegetarian', say when you are out ask the waitress or server if it's vegetarian, or better encourage him to ask, get him in the habit of doing it, even if you can clearly see it's veggie, he won't be able to. explain why you eat veggie at home, saying its a kinder way to live. i'm not sure being graphic to a youngster like that is positive.
i'd emphasise why you eat veggie and not why you don't eat meat.

...and a bit like bunny, i may well set myself up for a lynching here but sometimes i feel forcing kids to be vegan when they clearly want to try other foods outside the house can seem a bit like bringing up a child within a certain faith; it's like there is no possible other way to eat or worship. your kid may resent being given dead animals to eat but on the other hand he may appreciate being respected to be given the choice.

in our house, my daughter ate what she wanted out the house, she is now 16 and has been full time veggie for 5 years now. it was her choice and decision, i just explained to her why I was veggie then vegan, not why she should be.

...just my point of view.


Thank you Cedar Blue - you helped explain my point!!

[jimmeh]

Interesting system being tested over your way that includes a way of rejecting unacceptable foods on a particular student's tray:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1219069/Parents-spy-children-lunch-school.html

Oh God please don't read anything the Daily Mail has to say

[veganf]

i feel forcing kids to be vegan when they clearly want to try other foods outside the house can seem a bit like bringing up a child within a certain faith; it's like there is no possible other way to eat or worship. your kid may resent being given dead animals to eat but on the other hand he may appreciate being respected to be given the choice.

But usually being brought up in a religion means being told "this is the way it is", yet the child may think whatever he likes, no one can force him to believe stuff.
Yet saying "this is why we choose to eat veg food" and "you can choose what you'd like to eat when you're a grownup" and "we will not allow dead animals into our home or support their suffering" seems more like rules in a home.
I suppose it depends on how you approach each issue. You can't PROVE a religion, but you can prove that you're turning a living animals into a dead animal by eating meat.

I FORCE my kids to brush their teeth and take a bath and wear a jacket when it's snowing out. There are many things we do as parents that we feel are in the best interest of our children. Since I started eating a vegan diet first and foremost for health, plus environmental reasons, it may be that my explanations to my children are different than believing certain things about how animals feel. I have become quite sympathetic to the animal rights movement over the last 23 years as vegetarian (17 of them vegan), and I do explain it to my children. But my prime directive is for them to eat a healthy diet during the early years of life--I feel it's a gift I can give them, even if they decide to eat otherwise later, they will have a head start against many diseases. So if indeed I am FORCING them to eat healthy food, so be it. My mother (though she did not raise me veg, refused to buy sugary foods and fed me lots of raw fruits, veg, nuts) only offered pretty healthy food, and while I did go out and buy some candy in my early teen years when I had my own babysitting money, I do not at all regret being fed healthy food.

Sorry for the novel, that was not my intent! It's just an interesting discussion. Like any parenting decision, it's not set in stone. But recognizing the stages of child development and when abstract thinking generally begins helps me to determine when they are ready to make more choices for themselves.

[cedarblue]

It's just an interesting discussion.
yes indeed, it certainly is. :)

i have no problem with people disagreeing with me. you're right, these are personal issues and parenting is always going to be an area with some contention.

i look forward to hearing how you decided to cope with this question, gothichick.