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View Full Version : why do i feel guilty??



mophoto
Aug 13th, 2005, 06:34 AM
hello,
i have been to 3 summer weddings (not since going vegan) and have 3 more. two of the weddings are in really expensive places. on the reply card there isn't even a choice of chicken or beef ( i used to just write in vegetarian). i feel horrible that my family and friends are going to pay a butt load of money for my plate and i probably can't eat anything but the salad. if there is a salad. i don't want to be a pain in the ass, so i really don't want to contact the bride and groom to be. has anyone been in this prediciment?? if so is there anything i can do? i don't care so much about not eating, i just feel bad about someone having to pay $70-$100 for my plate. i guess i will have to hit the bar hardcore, to make up for it! not good on an empty stomach.

my3labs
Aug 13th, 2005, 07:29 AM
Interesting. I'm going to my first wedding since becoming vegan. I think it's a sit down dinner so I guess I'll just write in "vegan", which I'm sure won't happen. It'll probably end up being fish or something equally as gross.
I'm sure I'll get some twisted satisfaction that they blew their $70 on my dinner that won't get eaten. :D

my3labs
Aug 13th, 2005, 07:31 AM
Oh, and make sure you eat some pita chips and hummus or something yummy and filling before you hit the bar, or you'll be feeling like crap later.
:-)

kriz
Aug 13th, 2005, 08:03 AM
I have the same problem. I'm going to my brother's wedding in Norway, where weddings are usually much smaller and not as costly as the rest of the world (thanks god). But still, I don't know what to eat or how I can make arrangement for my "special" food. I talked to my father and he said my best bet would be to bring my own plate. :rolleyes:

Oh, well, in another formal family party I wasn't able to eat anything, because the catering company they hired did not cater to vegetarians (I was vegetarian back then).They couldn't even make a little plate with a few crackers and veggies! :rolleyes: I would have been perfectly happy with just a little something, belive me, I got so hungry seeing everyone else eating! :mad:

eve
Aug 13th, 2005, 09:21 AM
I went to an anniversary dinner for my brother & his wife a while back. They know I'm vegan, and whilst the tables were groaning with expensive foods (that I won't describe), I was offered to help myself to a handful of nuts! My advice to anyone being invited to a formal celebration, is to eat first. :)

sugarmouse
Aug 13th, 2005, 10:51 AM
guess its the price you pay for being right :)

twinkle
Aug 13th, 2005, 11:05 AM
I've been to several weddings since I went vegan and the one where I had least to eat was the wedding of a former vegan!

I don't think it's being a pain in the arse to ask the bride/groom/whoever is organising it for the phone number of whoever is catering the event, and if they ask why either say "I just want to find out if I can get a vegan meal", or if you don't feel comfortable saying that then just say something about a special diet or even mention allergies - after all, if you were really allergic to something there would be nothing unusual in wanting to make sure you were catered for. If you really don't want to contact the bride or groom, maybe someone else involved (the bride's mother?) would know who you should contact about catering.

Any caterer, especially one charging a lot, should be able to come up with *something* that's vegan! if you put it in the right way to them they will see it as a fun challenge. Plus, if you speak to the caterer and find out they can't make you anything then there's your answer - they can invite someone else to have your plate, so you won't feel guilty about wasted money, and you can bring your own food.

I think it looks stranger, and makes people more uncomfortable at a catered event, if you have to bring your own food, than if you can have something brought to you. I know at all of the weddings I've been to, although the bride/groom have been very busy, they've wanted to know that everyone is full, happy and having a good time.

harpy
Aug 13th, 2005, 11:10 AM
I agree with Twinkle - caterers (here at least) will normally provide something for vegans even if it's just a few steamed veg. on a plate, and then at least the hosts will be getting something for their money, even if it's not much, and you will look less conspicuous (if that's important!).

If they say "no" you'll have done everything you can.

Eating first is a good idea as well though!

twinkle
Aug 13th, 2005, 11:16 AM
Hang on, I've just realised you know where you're going, because you said they're in "really expensive places" - do you not feel comfortable contacting the establishment directly? That really is the best way to go if you want to make sure you're catered for -

you ask to speak to the manager or the chef, and then say something like "Hi, I'm going to be coming to the ____ wedding on [date] and I have a special diet - I just wanted to check if you will be able to make anything for me?" - then they ask you what your diet is, then you tell them. Say you realise that with a lot of people coming they may not be able to cater, but that you just thought you'd find out so you know one way or the other.

DianeVegan
Aug 13th, 2005, 12:19 PM
I agree with Twinkle. I have had some wonderful vegan meals in very obscure locations just by asking. Even if the head chef doesn't know how to prepare a vegan dish there may be someone else in the kitchen who would be willing. It's also a good idea to tell them that you have severe allergies to eggs and dairy (I know that some of you may not believe in lying but I have worked in kitchens and can tell you that not everyone cooking cares about preferences as much as allergies).

Gliondrach
Aug 13th, 2005, 01:42 PM
If you do take your own food on a plate, give it to the caterers to serve to you. Make sure that some scamp doesn't put anything extra on it.

That's a good idea about allergies.

Perhaps, if the family are in contact with the caterers, you could say that you have given up all animal-derived food for a certain time because you are taking part in a solidarity-type event where you are living on the same sort of diet as that of someone in a starving country, and you are donating the money you save on food bills to a charity that helps them. This way, you will be seen as someone who is trying to help the starving, rather than some lunatic vegan. People might be more willing to help. Those organising the food would look bad if they refused to help you. Then, later, you could announce that you are vegan. It won't be a good idea to take any banners showing suffering farm animals to the dinner, though. They could make some of the other guests feel uncomfortable.

FR
Aug 13th, 2005, 02:15 PM
The last two times I went to a wedding party, the people organizing it had the chefs prepare special plates for me. Once I received a plate full of 10 different steamed veggies with a cucumber dipping sauce. The other time I had baked ziti and a ceaser salad. As long as they inform the staff prepapering your meal in advance, there should not be a problem.

mophoto
Aug 13th, 2005, 03:05 PM
thanks for the advice. i think i will call the hotel the wedding is being held in. i already feel like the black sheep of the family, so no need to involve them!

twinkle
Aug 13th, 2005, 03:49 PM
Good luck! let us know what they say :)

John
Aug 13th, 2005, 05:09 PM
Perhaps, if the family are in contact with the caterers, you could say that you have given up all animal-derived food for a certain time because you are taking part in a solidarity-type event where you are living on the same sort of diet as that of someone in a starving country, and you are donating the money you save on food bills to a charity that helps them. This way, you will be seen as someone who is trying to help the starving, rather than some lunatic vegan. People might be more willing to help. Those organising the food would look bad if they refused to help you. Then, later, you could announce that you are vegan.

That's a joke, right?


I was offered a vegetarian meal at the last wedding I went to. With an optimistic attitude I thought that maybe there would be something on the plate that I could eat. Wrong. After sending back the chunk of meat placed before me (even though I had told the waiter that I had a vegetarian dish coming), I was given what looked like a block of cheese with unidenifed floating objects in it. I felt bad about wasting the food. I suppose I should have said that I wasn't eating. :(

Roxy
Aug 13th, 2005, 08:10 PM
thanks for the advice. i think i will call the hotel the wedding is being held in. i already feel like the black sheep of the family, so no need to involve them!

I think that's the best idea. Good luck and I hope they are able to cater for you!! :) Let us know.