Omnivore husband tested positive for pernicious anemia

How ironic is this? My husband has a B12 deficiency, yet he eats meat and dairy. He has been very ill and due to severe ankle and hand joint swelling I brought him to the emergency room yesterday. We waited eight hours to be seen. We thought he had lymes disease but it's much worse. Not only does he have a B12 deficiency, he has rheumatoid arthritis, diffuse lung disease (still not clear on what this means and we are waiting on more test results) and a low white blood cell count. They tried to admit him to the hospital but he refused. My husband HATES hospitals. I begged him to stay because my friend and coworker just lost her 40 year old husband this last week very suddenly and unexpectedly. I am scared to death.
I did feel a pang of worry because he does eat a lot of my vegan meals. I eat very healthy and make sure I get the nutrients I need and use nutritional yeast and B12 supplements, but his diet (standard american diet) is terrible and he doesnt ensure he is getting his own needs met. So a small part of me thought I caused this, but I pulled the doctor aside and asked about it and he said there is no way my feeding him vegan meals, especially while he still eats meat and dairy, caused his B12 deficiency. He said it is more complicated than simply not eating enough B12 in the diet. My husband can not absorb B12 for a number of reasons.

I do know that rheumatoid can be made easier to control with a diet high in fruits and vegetables and avoidance of red meat. All the medical books say this. I am so frustrated with him right now because he won't eat the vegetables I prepare for him or the fresh fruits I buy for him. He chugs down soda pop and chips daily. I have nagged and nagged him about his sodium intake, especially with soda pop. It wont help his diffuse swelling. I just want to throw up I am so stressed out right now. I can't keep food in me. I am scared to lose him and he is very very ill. I cant get him to stay in the hospital. I don't know what to do. I cant get on here much as I am using our backup laptop as my own computer crashed. I just spent $700 on it a year and a half ago. And I bombed a test in my anatomy/physiology class. I couldnt concentrate with everything going on.
He has so many symptoms going on I can't separate out what damage the B12 deficiency has done and what is from the rheumatoid. This is all a shock. Thanks for letting me post about this. I still keep thinking a small part of this is my fault but logically I know this is ridiculous.

Sorry to hear about your husband Robin. An 8 hour wait must have been bloody frustrating for you both. Just remember you did your best to make him eat healthy and its not your fault he became ill. Maybe this will be the turning point for him to take his health into his own hands and give up the junk food but imo don't get angry with him. It will just make it worse. All the best

Heya Robinwomb, I'm so sorry to hear about your husband *hugs*. Its pretty horrible to know that someone you love is sick, I understand that you're stressed and upset and worried and all the myriad of emotion. Hopefully this health scare will prompt him to take better care of himself, especially when he sees how worried you are about him.

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband Robiinwomb, please don't beat yourself up its not your fault. It might take time for him to come to terms with the fact that he is sick & going to have to change his diet (and he might be scared or in denial) so please try and not get frustrated with him, *hugs*

hey. Sorry to hear about your husband. Like others say, don't blame yourself, it's not your fault. Hope things feel easier soon. Allow yourself some space and time to try and de-stress if you can. yo-yo

More sympathy from here, robinwomb. Your other half's choices are his own so please don't add to your worries by taking responsibility for them. I must admit I can relate to his not wanting to be in hospital even though it's not really fair on you.

Have you told the college what's going on? I think they should make some allowances re tests etc.

All the best

Thanks so much everyone for your support! It means a lot.

We are going back to the hospital today for him to be admitted. He knows he will not get better on his own. He can barely walk and his level of fatigue is unbelievable. At least they could start him on the B12 injections there today, and give him something for pain. They told us they would take us right in if we came back. I think he just needed time to absorb it all and realize the reality. I am still trying to absorb it all myself. I plan to drag my school books there to study too. I might call in to work tommorow as I am completely exhausted myself.

Thanks again everyone and I will update later.

Glad he's decided to go to the hospital after all, Robinswomb. Best wishes to you both.

Take it a bit easy if you can (take a thriller or whatever to read as well as your school books!). Do let us know how things are going later.

that's good news that he decided to go into the hospital, good luck, yo-yo