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raising a child with an omni
I dont know if this has already been mentioned before, please excuse me if it has
Im engaged to an omni, who i love and obviously see a future with, so raising a child with him (so long as my fertility allows) is something i want to do. But as others may have faced on here, how did you deal with your partner on what diet to raise your child on?
Its been brought up by our friends briefly, but i just said that is something we would have to discuss.
I know my man wouldnt agree with raising our kid vegan, the same as i wouldnt agree with raising omni. (even though i have a feeling meat would get into the childs system somehow) I obviously wouldnt want to raise the baby vegeterian too because we vegans know dairy is baaad...but omnis think its good.
So how do you get to an agreement? Just agree not to have kids?
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Re: raising a child with an omni
Well, I don't have experience in this situation, both as a new vegan, a young person, as well as not having many relationships. But I know that I wouldn't want to raise my child omni (sounds like the title of a bad, corny book title, Raising Omni), and I do intend to have children (at least one) someday, so since you're already with an omni, then maybe you can find out why they don't want the child-in-question-to-be to be vegan?
Is it because they think that you need meat or dairy as a kid to grow up healthy (in which case one could point out all the healthy vegans-from-birth and the American Dietetic Association statement that a vegan diet is suitable for all stages of the lifetime). I mean, it's not as though omnis are morally opposed to the consumption of broccolli and lentils (even though we eat a lot more than that of course!), and yet a vegan does see something wrong with the consumption of animal products.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
My bf and I have discussed this, but not in a v.serious manner. He is pretty sure he doesn't want kids and I have always said I probably won't have them but *if* I do, I want to raise them vegan. He said no, that it's like pushing a religion on them to which I said it's not like that at all it's about making the right nutritioal choices for your kids.
I guess if we can't agree then we don't have kids or if one of us ever really wanted kids and the other didn't then we'd have a big talk about it.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
This wasn't really an issue when my husband and I had our daughter because he knew that I would not raise her anything but vegan. He eats meat although he used to be vegetarian and he knows that my 'morals' would not let me feed our little one anything but vegan food. Also I think it helps that we'd been married 11 years' before we had our daughter and I was vegan before we met so he could see that my diet was healthy and so was I :D.
Stick to your guns, gather as much information on raising vegan children as you can and prove that a vegan diet is beneficial for everyone. My daughter is now 5, is a normal weight, full of energy and above average in height. She also shakes off coughs and colds within a day without the benefit of any medication!
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Re: raising a child with an omni
there is no way i would ever raise kids with a non-vegan partner.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
I am also engaged to an omni, but I made it very clear that kids were not an option if they weren't going to be raised vegan. He was wary at first about dairy products, but was convinced after I had him do some reading.
What I'm now struggling with is the consistency. How do I teach them to not harm animals if dad does it all the time?
As far as comparing it to forcing a religion on them: how can he justify that? How is raising a child to respect life and make healthy choices a bad thing? If the two are comparable, then raising your child with any sort of moral code is the same thing. Besides that, even those of us raised under a certain religious persuasion did not have it forced on us. My parents raised me Methodist, but now I'm not one b/c it wasn't forced on me. Are we really not supposed to raise our children to believe anything so we don't force anything upon them?
Also I completely agree with the following:
Quote:
Quantum Mechanic
Well, I don't have experience in this situation, both as a new vegan, a young person, as well as not having many relationships. But I know that I wouldn't want to raise my child omni (sounds like the title of a bad, corny book title, Raising Omni), and I do intend to have children (at least one) someday, so since you're already with an omni, then maybe you can find out why they don't want the child-in-question-to-be to be vegan?
Is it because they think that you need meat or dairy as a kid to grow up healthy (in which case one could point out all the healthy vegans-from-birth and the American Dietetic Association statement that a vegan diet is suitable for all stages of the lifetime). I mean, it's not as though omnis are morally opposed to the consumption of broccolli and lentils (even though we eat a lot more than that of course!), and yet a vegan does see something wrong with the consumption of animal products.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
Quote:
Gorilla
there is no way i would ever raise kids with a non-vegan partner.
bit of a sweeping statement don't you think?
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Re: raising a child with an omni
i have let my daughter make her own choices, even as a vegan i don't think we should 'decide' what another human being should eat, however i do voice my opinion quite alot and she is a vegetarian and my partner only eats meat when he's out or cooks it himself, i make vegan meals every evening and they love them.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
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veganprin
bit of a sweeping statement don't you think?
no i don't think so, it's my decision.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
The problem is my partner wont even eat my food, or anything else i offer to cook him, he just eats crap or picks.
I know if him and the child went out together My man would give the child meat.
He may agree to raise vegeterian, but i dont want my baby eating that stuff. Its also the question of all the other products too.
id love to say 'either you raise the baby vegan, or were not having kids' but i love him and i want kids, so we'd end up breaking up and obviously i dont want that.'
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Re: raising a child with an omni
i think maybe when you do have a child you may feel differently, for all i'm pleased that my daughter's vegetarian if she said to me tomorrow that she wanted to eat meat i'd go along with it because i love her more than life itself and would never force my opinions on her, hope that helps...
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Re: raising a child with an omni
Quote:
Cherry.Chops
I dont know if this has already been mentioned before, please excuse me if it has
Im engaged to an omni, who i love and obviously see a future with, so raising a child with him (so long as my fertility allows) is something i want to do. But as others may have faced on here, how did you deal with your partner on what diet to raise your child on?
Its been brought up by our friends briefly, but i just said that is something we would have to discuss.
I know my man wouldnt agree with raising our kid vegan, the same as i wouldnt agree with raising omni. (even though i have a feeling meat would get into the childs system somehow) I obviously wouldnt want to raise the baby vegeterian too because we vegans know dairy is baaad...but omnis think its good.
So how do you get to an agreement? Just agree not to have kids?
I suppose in your case a comprimise would seem the only viable solution other than no having kids at all or living in conflict every day over the dinner table. :S
Luckily for me my omni partner knows that I would offer no comprimise and he also acknowledges the health benefits of the vegan food we eat. He used to suffer from frequent tachycardia attacks when I first met him but he hasn't had one for years and puts it down to good food. There is hardly ever any meat or dairy in the house except when we get a take away or he 'treats' himself to a bit of cheese, even then he tells me how he feels worse off for it and warns me that the bathroom is not safe to enter.
On 'forcing' veganism onto your children; I think any choices you make when you bring up a child could be construed as 'forcing' your beliefs on them, be it diet, religion or taking your shoes off when you come into the home. If my child said to me that s/he wanted to try meat or dairy I would not forbid it but neither would I buy or cook it.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
I was raised vegetarian from birth, my parents changed 5 years before I was born. I don't feel like anything was forced on me as a child and I am really pleased I have never been a meat eater.
I always assumed I would raise my children vegetarian, and marry a vegetarian. Now I am vegan that has all changed to vegan, however my partner of 7 years is a meat eater. I think he would agree to raising a child vegetarian but would take a lot of convincing to raise vegan. Either way how do you explain daddy eating animals when we eat out? I would always struggle with that. I feel like its too late to just split up (am 30) and find someone who is vegan and even if I did it doesn't mean I would get on with and fall for someone just because they are vegan. I love everything else about him and we get on fine, never really argue, its just this one niggly thing about his diet...
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Re: raising a child with an omni
Wow, everyone on this thread seems so okay with dating omnis SERIOUSLY and actually getting married to them and the whole deal.
I agree with Gorilla with the fact that I would never date an omni, not even a vegetarian. Them saying no to raising a child vegan would just be a deal breaker. It would go against all of my beliefs. Him not being VEGAN would go against all of my beliefs. I believe if I'm serious about a certain opinion or belief of mine, that I could never be with someone that thinks otherwise, being friends would be totally okay though. It's just a partner that I'm going to spend THE REST OF MY LIFE (hopefully) with eating animals and going against everything I believe in, what disturbs me.
Thankfully my special person is very much vegan and as dead serious about it as I am.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
It's a tough situation, that's for sure. I'd have no problem raising a child with a non-vegan partner, as long as my child was fed a vegan diet. I think as veganprin said, the best approach would be to gather as much information as possible on the health benefits of a vegan diet, that way no-one can really argue.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
Good for you! you are lucky to have someone who shares your beliefs.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
Quote:
Guate_Vegan
Wow, everyone on this thread seems so okay with dating omnis SERIOUSLY and actually getting married to them and the whole deal.
How nice, to be so young and so opinionated, and to manage to insult most of the people in this thread. All in one post.
Believe me, there is a world outside California, and it is one where many areas have a scarcity of vegans (imagine that!!!). None of my friends even knew what veganism was until I told them. And when I go to restaurants normally I get to choose between, oh.... salad and fries.
So before you begin judging others, try engaging your brain. You might actually learn something.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
Cherry.chops you say you "know" your partner would not agree to raising a vegan child and you "know" they would feed them meat when out without you. Have you asked him these questions straight out? Do you even know if he wants kids? I wouldn't make any sort of decision until I knew exactly where I stood on questions that were that important to me.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
when i met my husband i knew it was going to be a serious relationship, even when we were still at the work colleague stage, and the first thing i checked was whether he ate meat. I wouldn't have even dated him if the answer had been 'yes', unless he had been totally dedicated to going vegetarian! :eek:.
He isn't 100% vegan but is about 90% of the way there (by his own decision) and he would NEVER try to feed our son anything non-vegan. To be honest i would never marry someone with so little regard for my feelings and beliefs as your fiancé seems to have for yours, cherry chops! :amazed_ani:.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
Quote:
fiamma
How nice, to be so young and so opinionated, and to manage to insult most of the people in this thread. All in one post.
Believe me, there is a world outside California, and it is one where many areas have a scarcity of vegans (imagine that!!!). None of my friends even knew what veganism was until I told them. And when I go to restaurants normally I get to choose between, oh.... salad and fries.
So before you begin judging others, try engaging your brain. You might actually learn something.
:thumbsup:you just about covered everything I was thinking there. I've been vegan for nearly 22 years' and veggie before that. In those dim, distant times it was a novelty to be vegetarian and I didn't meet another vegan for years (long after I'd met and married my husband). Yes, it would be good if my husband was vegan, he used to be veggie but after a period of critical illness he changed his diet. He has his faults (don't all men?) but meat eater or not I love him and he's the best father in the world to our daughter.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
Quote:
fiamma
How nice, to be so young and so opinionated, and to manage to insult most of the people in this thread. All in one post.
Believe me, there is a world outside California, and it is one where many areas have a scarcity of vegans (imagine that!!!). None of my friends even knew what veganism was until I told them. And when I go to restaurants normally I get to choose between, oh.... salad and fries.
So before you begin judging others, try engaging your brain. You might actually learn something.
I actually think this is quite harsh :o Guate_Vegan throughout her post referred to herself and her standards. She didnt judge you guys, she just seemed shocked by what was being said, which is perfectly okay :)
I also dont think I could have children with an omni. Apart from the child eating non-vegan when I wasnt around, I would be worried about the (very possible) risk of the relationship ending and then having no control over what the kid eats at its dads....... quite the optimist today arent I???
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Re: raising a child with an omni
clare, i agree - fiamma do you have to be quite so rude?.
this is a vegan forum, isn't it? :confused:
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Re: raising a child with an omni
I have to agree with Clare. I was going to comment earlier but I thought I should stop commenting on the vegan parents thread when I'm not a parent myself!:o:p
I turned vegetarian when I was 17 years old and a lot of people said it would be a phase and that I was too young to make a decision but I have stuck with it and it is very possible that Guate Vegan knows her own mind even at a young age.
Also I can see why people wouldn't want to raise a child with an omni as it must be a minefield with potential problems although I think it's great that some people like Veganprin obviously have reached a compromise in their relationships.:)
Cherry Chops - I don't know how you reach a decision like that honestly. I think you need to have a conversation and see exactly where he stands like Twinkle said. Good luck!
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Re: raising a child with an omni
I am raising kids with an omni partner. He is not the father to any of them and their fathers are also omni. It is hard. I wasn't vegan when I had the children and I get on well with one father but I have no control over what they eat when they are not with me. I can only give them my views and hope they realise why I eat as I do.
It is not easy, but it is not the end of the world. My children are happy and healthy and that is all that really matters at the end of the day.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
just to clarify my position, i wouldn't totally rule out having a relationship with an non-vegan - even living in an area that's very veg*n friendly it can be hard to find someone who you're attracted to and also happens to be vegan or willing to go vegan.
i would not criticise anyone who has a relationship with a non-vegan as that is entirely one's own choice.
i am also not criticising anyone who chooses to raise children with a non-vegan, which Veganprin seemed to think i was. i was merely saying that I would never do so myself. for me i would rather not raise a child at all than have my partner disagree with my fundamental beliefs about how to raise them (i do realise that a non-vegan could be happy for their child to be raised vegan, however).
Cherry.Chops i think only you can decide which is more important to you.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
Quote:
cobweb
fiamma do you have to be quite so rude?
Oh alright, I'll be nice then ;)
Quote:
cobweb
this is a vegan forum, isn't it? :confused:
Yes it is, which is why I think a little more tolerance from Guate Vegan towards other vegans wouldn't go amiss.
Quote:
clare155
Guate_Vegan throughout her post referred to herself and her standards. She didnt judge you guys, she just seemed shocked by what was being said, which is perfectly okay :)
In fact I have no problem with most of Guate Vegan's post, just the part I quoted. It's one thing to to be shocked by what others do, it's another to express your incredulity in such an insulting way. As you pointed out, Cobweb, this is a vegan forum. One with people from all backgrounds and living all kinds of experiences and circumstances. Then someone comes along and says "What, you guys SERIOUSLY date omnis and get married to them?" Being in a relationship with a non-vegan, I find that offensive. Guate Vegan, you are very lucky to have a vegan partner; some of us are not so lucky, as a recent poll here shows.
Results?
Both vegans: 38.6%
Vegan + lacto-veggie: 10.8%
Vegan + non-vegan: 33.3%
Single but would choose a vegan partner only: 17.2%
(no option for those who are single but would date a non-vegan, interestingly). So those of us on this forum who are in a couple where their partner is not vegan account for 44.1%, more than the vegan couples.
So excuse me if my post seems pedantic, I just think we need to exercise a little more tolerance towards those whose are not as fortunate as we are.
Here endeth the lesson ;):D
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Re: raising a child with an omni
I wasn't a vegan when my son was born. I was a vegetarian, eating the worst vegetarian diet you could imagine when I got pregnant, and my husband was a meat eater. Having a child was part of what pointed me in the direction of veganism.
My son isn't vegan - he's still omni at school and with friends (I've only been full-on vegan 6 months). My husband is flirting with vegetarianism and I'm going very gently with him.
My agreement with my husband is that I don't buy or cook meat or fish or dairy/eggs, but he can (obviously that has changed to just dairy/eggs) - and since he does most of the cooking in the house, that seems fair. He cooks vegan meals for me every week. The other part of the agreement is that I can be completely honest with our son about where food comes from. My hope is that he will chose of his own free will to be vegan. I hope the situation is still evolving - its very early days yet.
That works for us, but I guess, some people are a lot more hardline, and also have come to veganism earlier in life, before they have children or have chosen their life partners.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
ok, fiamma, i 'get' you now, and i see where you're coming from :)
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Re: raising a child with an omni
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Re: raising a child with an omni
My fiance is against raising his kids vegan aswell, not because he thinks it's unhealthy but because he feels the child will become an easy target for bullies.
I don't bother arguing with him about it; I will be doing the shopping and cooking so the child will be eating what I give him/her which will most definitely be 100% vegan.
And even if he does give the child burgers or icecream when they're out, it won't be long before he/she is old enough to make their own mind up and I believe, without the years and years of social conditioning that most people receive, the child will naturally acknowledge veganism as the ethically and morally sound path to take.
I sometimes even dare to hope that when it's 2 against 1 I might even be able to convince hubby-to-be to go vegan.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
My daughter (who's 5) constantly asks daddy why he isn't vegan - his answer being he hasn't got mummy's willpower :bigsmile: He eats vegan at home of course because that's all I cook but he will have meat if he is out on his own.
I don't understand why people believe that a vegan child will be bullied? When I was young (a long, long time ago), I was the only vegetarian in my school of quite a few hundred children and was therefore treated as some sort of novelty but never bullied (vegetarianism was a rare thing then - shows how old I am). My daughter has been telling all and sundry since she could talk that she doesn't eat animals and she knows where meat, eggs, milk etc all come from. I don't go in to graphic details but she basically knows that meat comes from dead animals. As long as you're straight with your child and they understand why you follow a certain diet then they will be secure enough to explain that to others and hence unlikely to be a target for any form of bullying.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
I was also the only vegetarian (at least that I knew of) at my rather small elementary school, and I don't ever remember being bullied about it (though once I got to high school people would sometimes question and tease me at lunch). Many of my friends thought it was really cool and a few wanted to go vegetarian as well (unfortunately their parents usually told them they couldn't :(). My friends were usually jealous of my lunches as well. :)
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Re: raising a child with an omni
I am happily married to an omni. We were both omnis when we married. We have not been blessed with children so far, but if we would, my husband would not have a problem raising them vegan or near-vegan. He supports me being vegan and he agrees with my standards, but he says he loves certain meats too much to give them up. Which is ok. We would also raise our child Christian, as we both are Christians, but it will have to be his/her own decision to be a Christian, too. Both things would not be something we force onto our children. It is our way of life and it is only natural to pass that on to your children. You teach them to wash their hands after using the toilet because you believe in personal hygiene, you teach them to say thank you because you believe in good manners, you teach them to pray at bedtime because you believe in God and you teach them to eat vegan sausages because you believe in plant foods. Sometimes you need to find a compromise, sometimes you agree on things. That goes for everything, including raising children. I wish you good luck talking to your man and making your decisions.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
ok, i had the convosation with my guy hand it went something like this
Me)i want to raise my kids vegan
him)i will not raise them vegan, i want them to know what chicken and fish taste like. if they were vegan they would be bullied for being different.
me) are you stupid? id NEVER let my child eat meat unless it got to an age where it was capible of making rational decisions, and then i couldnt stop them.
him)id sooner raise them on meat and not let them eat dairy)
me)what the hell? im NOT letting my child eat meat. i was vege when we met, what makes you think id raise them any less than vegeterian?
him) cuz your a good person and wouldnt want the kid to miss out on good healthy foods at such a young age. i thought ud make the right choise
me) i am. if you want to feed my child meat, were not having kids.
him)well youd better find yourself a vegan bloke then.
me)you splitting up with me?
..no reply..
me)well? you splitting up with me?
him)y do i always have to back down to you? you know that you never back down any more?
me) this isnt a game of heads and tails, its about giving our child the best start in life. i am not raising my child any less than vege and im NOT budging.
him) i will agree to raise them vegeterian.
me) but i know you will try and give them meat when im not around
him)i know
me) so if i cant trust you im not having kids with you.
him)i wouldnt feed them meat unless they asked for it.
me)untill there 8 they are not to be given meat even if they ask for it, as they may not be able to make the rational decision
him)ok.
after a few mins.....
me)in still not happy about vegeterian)
him)i wouldnt let them drink milk, but they wud have to have cheese n yoghurt ect..
me)wtf? cheese is just hard milk!!!!?????? ur screwd up
him)it is totally stupid and cruel to raise a kid vegan at suck a young age
me)you calling my morals and beliefs stupid?
him)no, just raising a child vegan is. what about when it wants to go to its friends mcdonalds party?
me) any kid of mine isnt going to a fu*king mcdonalds party.
him)stop being cruel, he/she will be a target for bullies
me) why, cuz u were a bully?
anyway..the convo isnt over, but at least ive got him to agree on vegeterian.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
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Re: raising a child with an omni
That's good to know, Veganprin, I suppose everyone, vegan or omni, hopes their kid won't get bullied at school, but as I made the point to my other half, if it wasn't veganism it would probably be something else! I mean, who in their lifetime has never been picked on for something at least?
Cherry Chops, I think it was kinda nice of your bloke to come to a compromise; he wants to raise them omni, you want vegan, I suppose vegetarian is meeting in the middle - not ideal of course, but the kid will probably be old enough to make their own mind up before you finish arguing about it!
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Re: raising a child with an omni
Quote:
Laura-Louise
That's good to know, Veganprin, I suppose everyone, vegan or omni, hopes their kid won't get bullied at school, but as I made the point to my other half, if it wasn't veganism it would probably be something else! I mean, who in their lifetime has never been picked on for something at least?
Cherry Chops, I think it was kinda nice of your bloke to come to a compromise; he wants to raise them omni, you want vegan, I suppose vegetarian is meeting in the middle - not ideal of course, but the kid will probably be old enough to make their own mind up before you finish arguing about it!
I apologise for sounding a little judgmental but:
His reasoning is so flawed it would be laughable if it were not actually something with which you are having to deal.
Compromise is all well and good generally but if one side of an argument is totally flawed then compromise is not so useful. If you were to say that you wanted to bring up a child as a 'breatharian' (ugh) to him then the logical compromise would be veganism..
If he is genuinely interested in facts and their application to your discussion then he will eventually understand that there is absolutely nothing wrong with raising a vegan child. It's not particularly easy, often the right thing to do is far from easy, but it has been done successfully countless times as has been well documented on this excellent site and elsewhere.
The worry, were I you, would be the insinuation that your partner initial reaction involved deceit but maybe that's for a private discussion.
For the record, my daughter was born and raised as a lacto-ovo vegetarian, her mother being one and her father a vegan, she was not bullied at school for that but, as usual, for other random things until she learned to be strong and develop her self-esteem. She decided to become vegan at thirteen. She has never been to McDonald's, I am pleased to say.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
well i have a few worries for you, cherry chops - firstly that no-one can really say "no child of mine will go to a f*ing mc donalds party", because this is a hypothetical child and you don't know how things will go when it's a real one :no_expression:.
my child has been to those kind of things before and either had just a drink, or just the toy from the happy meal, some occasions were difficult, some not. Happily we don't live anywhere near the bloody things now so it's not a problem :thumbsup:.
also, by saying things like that to your partner you might sound a little immature/closed minded/hysterical..........:confused:
as for the bullying, well that's just crap. Will your partner refuse to buy glasses should your hypothetical child need them?. How about if the child has ginger hair or prominent teeth or is over or under weight?. Maybe it would be best to have the child adopted if he/she showed any in the least bit unusual traits? :umm:.
My son has Aspergers Syndrome (on the Autistic Spectrum), and Dyspraxia, so he has more than enough to cope with. After having been raised a vegetarian he changed to vegan at the age of 8 by his own choice and has never been bullied for that, in fact it has made him a stronger and more confident individual. If he can cope with it then any child can :smile:.
What i do think is great, is that you and your partner are thinking ahead and dicussing things, which many of us perhaps don't do. In your shoes, however, i would be getting the alarm bells ringing very loud. If your other half thinks it's cruel to raise a child vegan then he obviously has a way different view of 'cruelty' to yours! :amazed_ani:.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
i know the bullying thing is crap, children will get picked on for the slightest thing, so being vegan wont increase the chances of bullying-in my eyes.
He wont budge. he has a fixation with children needing dairy-yet he hasnt actually given me a good reason that i havnt blown to pieces.
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Re: raising a child with an omni
What is it with the dairy fixation? Reminds me of the one ante-natal class I went to where we were all told we must eat lots of dairy products for a healthy baby and drink lots and lots of milk. When one person said she couldn't stand the taste of milk and I suggested she had soya milk instead I was told by the 'expert' that soya milk tasted disgusting and we should all be drinking cows milk. Mind you the woman leading the class was a catholic nun so.............