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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
My mum was a professional violinist who hit me but once when I was a lippy 8 or 9 and hurt her hand so she had to cancel an important solo concert.
My Dad tried to hit me once when I was about 13 but regretted it from his sudden position on the floor looking up at his Judo brown belt son.
Crap at abuse, my family. Too much love, thankfully.
I have never laid a hand on my lovely Bethan (15) and she's ace. Polite, kind and selfless.
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
Yes frequently, with just about anything my mother could lay her hands on. Her favourite items to use were wooden spoons & spatulas (she broke a few on me that way), or the wooden soled Schol sandals.
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
i just read in my baby book from when i was 2 1/2 -
' "don't smack my bottom mummy, i'm not a naughty girl" is the catchphrase with a pleading look..'
i don't remember being smacked so young, can't think that if i was it was anything more than to stop me from doing anything naughty/dangerous :confused:
my punishments when i got a little older were more humiliating imo...i had to write endless lines x100 eg "i must not swing on the washing line' and having to stand facing a wall with my hands on my head for half an hour or so whilst noone was allowed to acknowledge me, but i will say that even though these punishments seem mild in comparison to anyone on here who's posted about being smacked/spanked, there are lasting mental effects :(
i don't smack my children, i have yelled to the point of crying when i've felt under extreme pressure with them (kids can be manipulative and know exactly which buttons to press), but i reckon complete consistency and following through explaining why they can't behave in certain ways is THE way to get the message across.
from an earlier post was the point of some parents threatening to do certain stuff..you have to see that through otherwise they learn pretty quickly to take the piss and push and push :rolleyes:
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
My childhood I think, has made me a pushover.I Was too terrified to stand up for myself then , so for most of my life I haven't done it either. Without going too deep, I think I maybe thought that was just how it was meant to be, it was ok to be bad to me.
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
i have been hit once - and after that, i said i hated my mom, and would never love her again. she deserved that. YOU DON'T HIT CHILDREN.
I have more than once, told a grown-up hitting their kids or yelling at them in public, that they are the scum of mankind, and that if i ever saw them again doing that, i would smack them, to make them see how it feels to be hit or yelled at (not the "don't do that"-kind of yeld, but the "your worthless, you don't deserve anything"-kind of yeld.). i have no intention on looking at parents abusing their children, and i find it disgusting, when i'm the only person who reacts in public. if someone hit me, i'd hit them back three times as hard, but a kid is not able to defend themselves against grown ups. it's an unfair game, since the adult have the complete power in any situation. if a kid isn't capable of behaving nicely, it is NEVER THE KID'S FAULT. it is usually the parents, who have not been able of teaching the kids to behave. it is not something the kid should be punished for; rather the adult looking into themselves, to find out what they're doing wrong.
if ANY adult EVER hit my child, i would make them suffer so badly, that they wish they were dead. cause that's how it is to children, when adults are abusing them (and YES IT IS ABUSIVE TO SPANK YOUR CHILD - there are several tests made on shcoolkids, that prove that exact fact.)
i find that people often don't realise that making a human being feeling worthless is one of the most disgusting and abusive things you can do. and every child has its own limit, for when it feels like that.
if you're not able to make your kid a decent adult by taking with it, and raising it with love, you're not a worthy parent in my eyes.
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
Quote:
Smoothie
if a kid isn't capable of behaving nicely, it is NEVER THE KID'S FAULT. it is usually the parents, who have not been able of teaching the kids to behave. it is not something the kid should be punished for; rather the adult looking into themselves, to find out what they're doing wrong.
That is SO true Smoothie! Have you ever seen "Nanny 911"? The parents always start out saying "Help, my kids are out of control, they're evil, they don't listen to me, etc". Then the nanny comes in, looks at the situation, and says it's all the parents' fault. And the parents get all angry and defensive. But it is their fault, EVERY TIME!
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
I wouldn't hit my children, when I get round to having some, but I can see how discipline has evolved over the years- the was a time when, in many cultures, fathers could legally kill their children. we've moved on somewhat from that- in the west at least
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
I'm just waiting to see one of those supernanny experts tell some parents off for smoking around their kids, intentionally and knowingly poisoning them, enough parents get slammed for giving kids junk food but no-one ever dares say anything directly to parents about making their kids passively smoke! That's much worse and more damaging than the occasional smack, I know this from my own childhood, and I notice how the people who are most judgemental about parents who have smacked a child EVEN JUST ONCE are usually those who are not at that stage in life themselves yet, and probably do not have a clue how tough it can be being a parent! Some kids are definitely more hard work than others (often within the same family), even though they have the same parents so I don't agree you can always blame the parents, it's not always that simple and clear-cut. A lot of younger ppl tend to see these things too much in black and white - I probably used to. Some people end up good even after a bad upbringing and others end up bad even after good parenting.
I actually feel worse about not always being consistent and sometimes being too tired to do the best I should for my kids, than for giving the occasional smack long ago, which I do regret a bit. There is no such thing as the perfect parent! Not sure we have moved on that far Justin, mothers can still have their kids killed in the womb, so I don't see the difference.
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
I was glad to see that the guy on the 'never did me any harm' TV programme that was on tonight felt guilty after deciding to hit his children, unfortunately I think he convinced himself that what he did was right though.
I was once told that 'violence never solves anything' and I firmly believe that. In my opinion anyone that hits a child should be charged with assault.
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
I am on the fence on this one actually.I wish I wasn't! I just am totally unsure about it.I do not know enough to form an opinion
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
haha i was never really "spanked". my dad liked to joke around and "beat me with a stick" (which was really me giggling and hiding under a blanket and him hitting the couch lol). he says it's the only way to keep a child in line, haha my whole family is crazy. =]
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
I was spanked a few times as a child.
I have a two year old boy and I would never spank my child. Children learn from us and what does it teach them when they "do something wrong" and we methodically and with intent hit them to teach them a lesson. The only lesson I can think that it teaches them is that when they do something an adult doesn't like they better either not get caught or that adult that is supposed to love them will have to use force and hit them. Aaaa where is the lesson in that what about how to handle emotions, how to handle difficult situations, how to ask for help? Hello....kids learn from us and trust us and quite frankly I find it interesting that a vegan can even think of using spanking or hitting as a form of discipline given the fact that we have so much compassion for animals and would never intentionally hurt them but we might our kids.
I think it is so sad that in our world kids are thought of as parent's property and not individuals so much that as a minority group many vegans put animal rights over kids.
Some great books to read:
Unconditional Parenting
Connection Parenting
Hold Onto Your Kids
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
Quote:
veganmama2K
where is the lesson in that what about how to handle emotions, how to handle difficult situations
That's so true! Parents get angry at their kids for hitting other children or otherwise not controlling their emotions, and yet the parents can't even control their own emotions long enough to not hit their own kids? Where's the sense in that?
But then, that's where my mom would come in and say, "Do as I say, not as I do". That phrase would make me literally shake with fury when she said it to me when I was a kid :mad:.
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
Yes I also hate that "do as I say not as I do" attitude from some parents!
I am so proud of my daughter who used to nail-bite but has stopped a few months ago and seems to have stopped for good. I could not get cross and order her not to nail-bite because I bite mine, I could only say that she should try to stop if she has the willpower, even if I do not, and she has done it for herself with no pressure from me. I am very pleased with her and tell her I admire her having the willpower.
I agree with parents setting a good example, that is why I think it is so important that parents should never smoke, or do illegal drugs or get blind-drunk! If they do these things they have no right to tell their kids, if they do not set a good example of behaviour.
I hate hypocrisy, and I also admit it was a mistake to ever smack, it is a bad example.
I felt guilty that one of my children did nail-bite for a few years because I know it was my fault I gave her a bad example, thankfully my other two are not nailbiters.
I felt my mother had no right to tell me not to bite my nails because she smokes and that is so much worse! I would always throw her smoking in her face if she told me off for anything or for nailbiting. My attitude as a kid/teen to my mum was "So what why should I listen to you, you SMOKE, which is the worst thing and something I will NEVER do, so who are you to lecture me that I have any kind of bad habit?!" I was pretty rude to her at times but she deserved it. If she had quit I would have had some respect for her.
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
Quote:
Lilac Hamster
I agree with parents setting a good example, that is why I think it is so important that parents should never smoke, or do illegal drugs or get blind-drunk!
My parents do all 3 :o (well not so much the drinking anymore, they're too old to handle the alcohol LOL). However, I think that that was the reason that I have never smoked, done drugs or drank; I saw first-hand what it was like, so I never wanted to do it when I grew up. Also, it wasn't something that was "mysterious" or "special", like most kids think who have never seen it. I didn't need to try it to see what it was like; I saw it every day. In a way, I think I "rebelled" against my parents by being opposite to them and not doing any of the bad things that they did!
I've often heard the phrase that the "bad" parents get the "good" kids. So I hope my kids don't end up smokers and drinkers because I'm not! :eek:
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
my son is 21 months old and i would never ever consider spanking him! not only is it completely illegal (here in sweden) and immoral but also, in my view, the most unconstructive and disrespectful thing you could do to a child. if you use that as a method in a conflict or whilst trying to teach someone something, it will only cause frustration and mental blocking, and possibly a lifelong lack of trust and closeness.
neither me nor my two older sisters were spanked by our parents but my dad was an emotional tyrant and a guilt-tripper. i consider that a form of violence two and it's an equally disgraceful method to spanking.
no offence grail, but i can't believe someone would actually consider spanking their children at all, under any circumstances.
would you hit an adult with whom you were having an argument? would you like to be slapped in the face/beaten with a stick/humiliated/belittled if you did something wrong?
if not i don't think you should treat any other being like that, whether it's your kid or a pig!
violence breeds violence.
this is a very interesting discussion and quite possibly there are a lot of cultural differences to consider.
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
That's a good point about lack of trust, lou. I remember my mom once said to me, "You can come to me with anything, you know that?", and I laughed inwardly, knowing that I would never intentionally go to her and tell her I did something wrong. If I got spanked at the age of 8 for accidentally losing track of time and coming home late, then what could I expect for actually doing big things wrong??
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
Yes, I wuz spanked. It was'nt often (becuz bein' shouted at wuz usually enough!?) but I can remember each occasion clearly.
I have a 10 year old who has never been smacked...and yes, the 'baby'self' knows how to push mummy's buttons....the little rascal!
I recommend THE SECRET OF PARENTING by Anthony E. Wolf.
I had almost instant results! It's true that all children are different but the principles in this buuk shud wurk to some degree even with the most forthright sproglings (hee hee...Iym glancing over at myne right now).
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
is there a difference between a spanking, a smack, a beating?
is a matter of degree or attitude or personal situation?
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
I think it's a matter of degree and attitude, cedarblue.
To me a spanking is something a parent decides to do more or less coolly and deliberately as a punishment for something they believe the child has done wrong and should have known was wrong. A smack sounds more like something they would do in the heat of the moment because they lost their temper, and would probably be sorry for. A beating sounds like something they lost their temper with and caused more physical hurt/damage than either of the other two - I image a beating to be the sort of thing that causes bruises whereas the other two things probably wouldn't.
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
never
my dad smacked me once, but when he saw the look on my face he never did that again!
my mother is more into emotional abuse - why cant you be normal usded to be her favourite punchline when i was an insecure teenager...well well
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
i would never ever hit a child - not my own, not anyone else's. i have a lot of friends who are having babies right now, and i would not like to be them, if i found out they hurt their kids. as in sweden, denmark has laws against violence towards children, and i would not let such a thing slip by. i find it seriousy traumatizing, when someone finds this kind of abuse "okay" - it is not. kids are not evil, they are not trying to misbehave - and if they are, there must be something deeper to it, and the cause should be found. i think that a parents place is as a teacher, a support, a loving, caring person, who can stand as a good example for her/his kids, not someone to punish and abuse. not physically, not mentally. where would the world be, if everyone accepted excuses for abuse? for acts done in anger?
- i think it is very important to be clear about parents not being perfect (whatever that word means), but it is important for all humans to be able to find out when they need help. and a parent who can't "control" their child, and starts to punish with violence, should maybe appreciate some help. none of us knows everything, and we all learn throughout our lifes, and this is something, every parent should master; the art of not abusing and using voilence.
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
There is some talk of making supermarkets here into "smacking free zones"
http://www.raisingkids.co.uk/todaysn..._100407_01.asp
Seems quite a good idea as long as the parents don't go off and do it elsewhere. At least it gives them a chance to cool down.
I wish it were illegal here although I suppose it's easy for me to say as a non-parent.
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
Quote:
twinkle
I think it's a matter of degree and attitude, cedarblue.
i agree with you twinkle.
Quote:
Smoothie
i would never ever hit a child - not my own, not anyone else's.........and this is something, every parent should master; the art of not abusing and using voilence.
this is why i asked my question previously, about there being a difference? i'm interested that people inter-use words like hit and spank and beat, when they can be quite different physical acts.
sometimes nothing in the world can push a parent to the limit of self-restraint like a child can, for whatever reason, be it an acceptable reason or not. sometimes being a parent and being in that moment of incredible stress and pressure can force one to have quite different views and feelings than when they were without children. its interesting reading the views of those with children and those without, theres no pattern but interesting nonetheless.
Quote:
harpy
There is some talk of making supermarkets here into "smacking free zones"
yes, i heard this story too, harpy. my problem with it is, that people who have a job which is nothing (basically) to do with childcare are asked to become judges of others, learn psychology skills which may be called upon when confronting a parent and become policeman in effect.
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
Re the supermarkets, I suppose staff could be trained to deal with the situation, maybe by the NSPCC whose idea it seems to be? Countries that have banned smacking must have developed ways to deal with it, surely?
I know not smacking is easier said than done, because I have at least one friend who's strongly against it in principle but smacked hers once or twice in the heat of the moment when they were little. I just think it could be helpful if society sent out a message that this wasn't the best way of disciplining children.
A law like this needn't lead to a lot of prosecutions for minor smacking incidents, I don't think:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/713883.stm
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
i actually don't know if there is some special way to deal with it here - but there should be! i think, mainly it's the thread of going to jail which is seen as a way to prevent it from happen. i don't agree with this method at all, as i don't agree with prison in general (some cases excluded..)
but i have been yelling parents more than once, seeing them hitting their child - once i saw a guy who had grabbed another women's child, shaking the child, while the mother just stood there, shocked - what's wrong with people?! this guy should try how it feels like to be violently attacked by a stranger who's four times his size!
i think, mainly, it's the children institutions who take care of this stuff, the kindergardens and schools, and then if they have any suspicion of a child being abused in any way, they report it to the local government, sho is supposed to take care of it. of course, the system isn't perfect in any way, but it's better than nothing.
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
I was spanked as a child and as a result I don't think I could ever, ever hit my own children if and when I have them. I strongly feel it is psychologically damaging, especially at a young age. I was a very quiet and timid child - I guess I thought that by "laying low" and not being noticed I could avoid being hit. I remember being very scared of being spanked and therefore desperate to cover up anything I did wrong.
As someone else quite rightly pointed out here, you wouldn't hit an adult if they were doing something wrong or if they answered back to you. I think smacking shows a severe lack of communication skills. If you treat a child with respect they will learn to deal with others with the same respect. If a child grows up thinking that smacking is an acceptable way to deal with people who don't do as they're told, it could well get them into trouble at school or even later in life. Just my opinion..
Smoothie, I completely understand your frustration at seeing kids being man-handled by their parents/other adults in supermarkets or other public places. It always makes my blood boil when I hear mothers screaming, swearing at and hitting their child :mad: I have heard some awful verbal abuse directed at kids on occasion, is it really necessary (or indeed effective)??? Surely, again, the child will simply learn and copy this behaviour?
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
I was smacked all the time as a child, up until i was about 15 and finally turned round and hit my mum back (i ran away and hid after that for hours though, as i was so scared at how angry she'd be for hitting her back, but now i realise that she would have had no right to be angry, as she had been doing it to me!).
There used to be massive family rows over it, Dad hated Mum doing it but Mum was very much in control of the household so his opinion didn't count. It has certainly left a mark on me, i had no self confidence as a child/teenager and grew up thinking i was the most awful child ever, although this also had things to do with psychological abuse as well as Mum was always telling everyone how awful i was and phoning people up to complain about me in front of me. Which resulted in me always been told off by all her friends and my extended family whenever i saw them, this upset me a lot! She also took me to a counsellor so that he could work out wy i was such a terrible child! I couldn't believe it, when you looked at me and then at children with real problems why she thought i was so bad!
I do blame the smacking and other things for my developing self harm problems when i was a child. By smacking a child you are always going to damage them in someway, be it physically or mentally. Even if they are deemed "too young to remember" i still think that it will have effects on them. It should be made illegal to ever raise your hand to a child. I too think it's awful when you see parents literally screaming at their children in public, they are only children, they don't understand what it is that they are doing that could be wrong most of the time. And most of the time they aren't doing anything wrong anway...
What makes me laugh though is that my Mother is a Health Visitor for the under 5's, and she is the one that tells parents how to deal with any problems they might be having with their children...
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
I used to be strictly 100% opposed to any form of physical punishment, but I've been visiting a parenting forum, and some of the parents on there are having such a hard time disciplining their kids without hitting, and it doesn't work at all. Here are a few examples:
"this morning he drove his toy car into my legs when I was getting the washing out of the washing machine and he really hurt me. (it's quite large you sit in it, can't have it outside as we have a steep block and there is no brakes) I took the car and put it up high in the garage and explained calmly why etc has absolutely no effect he just continues his rampage with other things. Firm voice... logical explanations etc no effect...ignoring...no effect Diversion, humour NOTHING works even yelling...no effect. Ashamed to say lost it few weeks ago and for the first time ever smacked once on the leg...no effect. This is from a little boy who was always this gentle, loving, fiesty fun, high spirited honey."
"I am a first time parent would love some suggestions on dealing with my 22 month old sons behaviour. He is constantly hurting me pulling my hair throwing things at me pinching, biting, hitting, I seem to always have bruises, scratches and bite marks on me. Some of this I believe to be out of frustration as he is not speaking in sentences yet.but the rest of the time it seems he thinks it is funny and when i tell him i dont like it & it hurts me he laughs and does it even more. I've tried ignoring it (not easy) and walking off on him as well but this seems to have no impact. When he throws his food (or anything else for that matter) I take it off him, explaining why, but he doesn't seem to care or he hits me and finds something else to throw. It's not just me, he does this to other children as well, I have sent one of his friends (who is bigger) home covered in scratches and with a bite mark when he came to play. He pushed him off the top of playground platform the other day (luckily he saved himself before completely going over the edge), he could have been seriously injured. I am really concerned he is going to hurt another child badly."
This kind of thing makes me scared to become a parent!!! How do you deal with something like this without smacking them to get their attention and make them stop their behaviour???
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
if you have issues this big, i think you may need to consult someone who knows about child behavior - a lot of times when the kid does not response to anything, it is because the child is not capable of it - and it takes a lot of work to fix that.
i used to babysit two little girls, who were known in the whole neighbourhood as being mean and evil and loud and rude. they where 2 and 4. when their mom was there, they were like this, but when i had them alone, they actually behaved really nicely; the small one could sit on the floor and play alone, and talk to me, while the bigger one helped me in the kitchen, i got them to help me cleaning, i had them out shopping without them asking once for candy. and i think it was because when they behaved badly, i didn't punish them; i said "you're not allowed to do that, and i will not take this. if you don't stop, you cannot play with me and your sister" - in the start it had no effect, but after i had actually send them to their rooms a couple of times for hours, they realised that i was a much nicer person when i was not angry, stressed out or anything like that. and they realised that i was a mush better person to play with when they were nice.. i was babysitting them for almost 3 years, and this continued, although their mother could not get them to behave.
i really, truly believe that not by punishing, but by showing a consequense, the child will see the benefits of being nice and well-liked.
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
Quote:
Smoothie
but after i had actually send them to their rooms a couple of times for hours, they realised that i was a much nicer person
yes, this is a popular method i think. my problem with it is that the child can then associate being in its bedroom with punishment and being naughty.
sometimes the child refuses to stay in the bedroom, continually comes out and has to be taken back many, many times often in a state of complete tantrum - how then is the child kept in the room? with a lock on??? that would be unacceptable to me too.
tricky issues these are - good we can discuss them though - good to get others opinions and experiences..
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
My parents never smacked me. My granny once smacked me when I was about 5 or 6, I screamed blue murder, didn't speak to her for 2 weeks and she never done it again. I was usually pretty well behaved and when I wasn't it usually meant I was grounded, had a toy taken away or lost out on pocket money that week. Even when those things happened I was always given the choice "If you keep doing that, you'll be grounded for a week" so I was always aware of the consequences.
I'm really against people smacking their children, I don't think there is any need to be going around hitting anyone never mind your own child. The majority of kids who I see getting smacked never seem to bother because it has become the norm for them.
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
Quote:
Smoothie
if you have issues this big, i think you may need to consult someone who knows about child behavior - a lot of times when the kid does not response to anything, it is because the child is not capable of it - and it takes a lot of work to fix that.
I wouldn't say that these are big issues, because it seems to happen to every parent on the Natural Parenting forum I visit. Every one of them is against spanking their kids, and it seems like every one of them has troubles with their kids being little devils who never listen to anyone. I'm definitely not saying spanking is ok, but I can certainly see why many parents do it in the heat of the moment when the child will not respond to anything else.
Quote:
.... i was babysitting them for almost 3 years, and this continued, although their mother could not get them to behave.
In my (limited) experience, children almost always behave better for other people than for their own parents. I used to babysit 2 children who actually raced each other to bed when I said it was bedtime instead of complaining about having to go to bed. They were so well-behaved all the time, I couldn't believe it, and told their mother what angels they were. She said, "Yeah, too bad you don't see them when they're alone with me and my husband". And this is a mother who never hit her kids, always gave warnings of consequences, and followed through with consequences (such as being grounded or staying in their rooms, etc). I guess kids just get excited when someone "new" or different from their parents comes over, so they forget about fighting and wreaking havoc all over the house, because they're enjoying the experience of someone being with them who is different from their parents. To this day, I still behave worse around my mother than I do around strangers, not because my mom could never get me to behave, but because I feel that I can be myself around her and not have to worry about what she'll think of me. But I'm more shy around strangers to say or do things that I'd do around only my mother.
Also, on a more interesting note, those 2 "perfect" kids I babysat are now 14 and 12, and the 14 yr old has come home drunk more than once, and the 12 yr old has stayed out all night without phoning his mom to say where he was. Then there's my sister and me, who were spanked quite often as children, and neither of us has ever been drunk (and we're now 25 and 27!), and we never stayed out past curfew as teenagers..... of course that could be a very rare and isolated occurrance. I have no idea what the trends are on how different discipline styles affect the way children end up when they're adults, but I'd like to see the statistics.
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
Quote:
Yoggy
children almost always behave better for other people than for their own parents.
true.......
Quote:
Yoggy
Also, on a more interesting note, those 2 "perfect" kids I babysat are now 14 and 12, and the 14 yr old has come home drunk more than once, and the 12 yr old has stayed out all night without phoning his mom to say where he was. Then there's my sister and me, who were spanked quite often as children, and neither of us has ever been drunk (and we're now 25 and 27!), and we never stayed out past curfew as teenagers..... of course that could be a very rare and isolated occurrance. I have no idea what the trends are on how different discipline styles affect the way children end up when they're adults, but I'd like to see the statistics.
interesting.....
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
I was beaten on numerous occasions by my dad as a child. I got drunk for the first time when I was eleven and lost my virginity when I was 13, so I don't really think spanking is any way to stop your child becoming a "teenage tearaway" :).
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
I was spanked twice. The first time I totally deserved it and don't my blame my mom one bit. The second time I didn't really do anything that wrong (sat on the bumper of my dad's truck), was just imitating what I'd seen my older brother do two minutes earlier, and my dad was just in a bad mood. It didn't hurt much, but it upset me anyway. When I brought it up years later he claimed he didn't remember it, admitted that "if it did happen" he was probably just in a bad mood, and refused to apologize.
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
Quote:
Yoggy
"this morning he drove his toy car into my legs when I was getting the washing out of the washing machine and he really hurt me. (it's quite large you sit in it, can't have it outside as we have a steep block and there is no brakes) I took the car and put it up high in the garage and explained calmly why etc has absolutely no effect he just continues his rampage with other things. Firm voice... logical explanations etc no effect...ignoring...no effect Diversion, humour NOTHING works even yelling...no effect. Ashamed to say lost it few weeks ago and for the first time ever smacked once on the leg...no effect. This is from a little boy who was always this gentle, loving, fiesty fun, high spirited honey."
This kind of thing makes me scared to become a parent!!! How do you deal with something like this without smacking them to get their attention and make them stop their behaviour???
If the mother in question tried smacking her kid, and it had no effect, why do you think smacking would/might help improve the situation? There are ways to get a child's attention without resorting to smacking. You could take hold of the child and force them to face you whilst you spoke to them, for example.
Come to think of it, I was hit more then my siblings when we were growing up, and I'm the one who's had the most problems (depression, anxiety, self harm, school phobia etc.) as we've gotten older.
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
I agree Enchantress. My eldest brother was hit the most and he had a terrible time through his teens and early adulthood. He was pretty well behaved but found it hard to trust people and didnt know how to connect with people.
I spent years getting my life in order thanks to my mums violence and explosive personality. I am not saying that the odd smack from a parent is going to make a child seek councilling but inflicting pain on a defencless child is wrong.
I hate seeing parents hit there children in public. It makes me really upset. I think the constant "im going to smack you in a minute" 2 minutes later when the kid is still being a pain "i am going to smack you in a minute" lol, doesnt seem to work to well.
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
I was spanked as a child and I think my Dad might have continued it as long as he could but I just got too old and rebellious and wouldn't let him do that any more.
I think it's fine to spank your kids. I think they should be spanked so that it hurts. Real bad. I think if my dad has spanked me harder I would have been more obedient. Some people might think it's old fashioned and you should never hit your kids but I think that's totally wrong. Sometimes you just have to beat the evil out of them. I think if it you raise your children and you never feel that you have to spank them they're probably being spoiled, because all children have those points less or more where they're just stubborn.
My dad used to take me into his bedroom and He would sit there and talk to me alot of the time beforehand and tll me why I'm receiving the punishment, and then he would spank me and try to give me a hug afterwards, but alot of the time especially towards my later childhood I wouldn't hug him. He made it alot of times into this big emotional deal and it really felt sick. This had nothing to do with simply spanking me though.
I look back on it now and I think that really messed me up bad. I didn't have a real close relationship with my Dad or Mom (closer with my Dad though) and
all the talking and hugging mixed in with the spanking just really messed me up. I think I have some deep down mental problems because of this perhaps where you mix punishment with love, ( in a bad way).
I think Dads who spank of smack thier kids should just be a man and give them thier welts and give them some space so they can recover and deal with it on thier own, and not smother them. Kids need thier space just like anybody. My Mom and Dad didn't give me enough space, and never really sypathized with that or my need to deal with things on my own and not push me where it hurts if you know what I mean.
Some years ago I got into a fight with my Dad and I was just wrong and I don't remember all the details but I remember I got so upset I challenged him to a fight. He had never punched me before but this time he did, he punched me right in my face. I remember when he did that, all that rebelliousness and nasty attitude I had just left.
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Re: Were you spanked as a child?
Quote:
Jjt
I think it's fine to spank your kids. I think they should be spanked so that it hurts. Real bad. I think if my dad has spanked me harder I would have been more obedient. Some people might think it's old fashioned and you should never hit your kids but I think that's totally wrong. Sometimes you just have to beat the evil out of them. I think if it you raise your children and you never feel that you have to spank them they're probably being spoiled, because all children have those points less or more where they're just stubborn.
Being stubborn isn't being evil....it's just testing the boundaries which is normal and healthy and it certainly doesn't warrant being beaten especially to the level you're advocating - because that's so far into being physical abuse it's frightening.
Quote:
Jjt
I think Dads who spank of smack thier kids should just be a man and give them thier welts and give them some space so they can recover and deal with it on thier own, and not smother them. Kids need thier space just like anybody. My Mom and Dad didn't give me enough space, and never really sypathized with that or my need to deal with things on my own and not push me where it hurts if you know what I mean.
I think Dads who beat their children and leave welts don't deserve to be a parent and that child would be better off being removed from such a violent, abusive family unit and placed somewhere with people who will love, respect and value them.
Quote:
Jjt
Some years ago I got into a fight with my Dad and I was just wrong and I don't remember all the details but I remember I got so upset I challenged him to a fight. He had never punched me before but this time he did, he punched me right in my face. I remember when he did that, all that rebelliousness and nasty attitude I had just left.
If my parents had done that to me it wouldn't have been rebelliousness that left, it would have been me.