sarah that is awful :(
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sarah that is awful :(
my dad never spanked or hit..but then again he was only in the house until i was 4, when my parents got divorced.
my mom...thats another story. she did a lot of the back hand slap in the face. those sucked. she also did the wooden spoon, and i am pretty sure i had soap in the mouth at least one time. i was always the type to speak up for myself..unfortunately as a child, you can get in trouble for that.
then there was my brother. i dont remember a lot of details from when i was very young. when i was older i remember a good deal of punches and shoves..and a LOT of name calling. (i was quite chunky as a child)but i have heard from other family members that he liked to just give me good beatings for no reason back when i was fairly young. he didnt like me very much back then. looking back i think he had some problems. very depressed probably. he later turned to drugs. right now my relationship with him is fine..but not terribly close. i dont resent him, which i have heard is not healthy for my own sake..but he's my brother. and i think deep down he regrets it all.
honestly, i have always resented my mother the most. i would assume probably for not "rescuing" me from my brother, but who knows. so yeah, i guess if i ever did have children, which i dont plan on, i would never hit them.
Perhaps none of you are old enough to remember the days when corporal punishment was the norm in schools, both primary and secondary. Teachers would cane you for any simple reason. My father was a teacher, so not only was I caned at school but also at home by both parents. My mum would use a wooden spoon. It stopped at home when I was about 12 but continued at school until I was about 15.
Those were the bad old days, kinda took the fun out of being a child.
As a father I only hit my son once, and for good reason... he always use to pee with the toilet seat down and despite several admonitions did not stop peeing on the seat until I gave him a jolly good spanking! He was about 7 or 8 at the time. He's 23 now and I occasionally reminisce about this with him.
we used to get the cane, slipper and blackboard rubber (thrown at head) when i was at school.
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I was never spanked nor was my sister. My mom was very adamant about positive reinforcement and teaching through example. I don't have kids but if I did I'm sure I would use my mom's techniques in raising them. My sister has young kids and they are always asking to stay at 'Grandma's fun house'. She is a cool mom and a cool grandma.
I'm very saddened to hear about some of the abuse I've read on this thread and that's what it is- abuse. I had a cousin that was abused by his dad- he would beat him with a belt on a regular basis. My husband was also hit with a belt on several occasions. My husband rarely talks about it but when he does he gets sad and it upsets me so much. Fortunately, my husband turned out to be a well rounded person who is fantabulous with kids.
Hi all,
the member who pretended to be a vegan and wrote stuff like "If you have children - beat the mess out of them - it's good for them."
The removed posts are here (at least for now).
We rarely ban members, and have never put the word 'banned' next to the few members that have been banned before, but will make en exception this time - in case some occasional visitors have read what he wrote assumes that what he wrote has anything to do with veganism.
Using violence against children is the exact opposite of what veganism is about.
Good job Korn.
I am sorry I rose, however politely, to the rather obvious trolling.
Peas.
I believe that spanking is unethical.
Wish my parents had thought that. Too bad this thread couldnt have continued, as to why he thought that. He was just trying to sound bad-ass.
How do you define spanking? Is it hitting/slapping a child with your hand? If so, in my case it was a lot more extreme than spanking.
I have often been beaten with leather belts when I was a child. If I remember correctly I have been beaten from age 8 till about 15-16. I was beaten for scoring less in school, for being naughty and for bullying. My teachers use to beat me with a wooden scale.
I do not advocate spanking, but speaking for myself I think it has worked on me. I was a naughty shit when I was little. I used to terrorise other kids at school. Once, my mom whipped me so hard that I peed in pain. I got whipped for offences like breaking branches of trees at school, stoning a street dog, not doing my homework and for failing in my exams. Getting beatings were a regular occurance in my childhood.
My parents taught me right and wrong by doing it the harsh way. I got shouted at and I was very scared of my parents. I never listened to negotiations and they hence felt that getting the heavy artillery out was the only solution.
I would never beat my child, as I find it very unethical. But I have to admit, all the whips, beatings and lashings I have experienced have surprisingly worked on me, even though it was wrong. Whatever I am today, I attribute it to my parents. Even my veganism is due to my parents. I love my parents and they have undying love for me.
It would be interesting to learn what my vegan parents's opinion about spanking is, in their current vegan days.
All kids are little shits some time in there life. My 2 boys are not angels but i can say for sure they have never done anything so bad that i would even consider slapping them. I hear stories of people slapping there kids because they have walked out in the road without looking and slapping them was there way of stopping them doing it again, why would that stop them? surely sitting down and explaining the dangers would be enough. My son used to slap me around the face when he was young, would anyone think that me slapping him back would be a good example. Try teaching a kid to stop smacking by smacking back makes no sense to me.
As i have said on may occasions i was hit as a child, i saw my mum throw my brother down the stairs and used to beg my mum not to hit my brother. People hit not to control there children but because they can not control there temper. I have been so angry at times i thought my head would explode but am able to control myself by walking away and coming back and telling them what they did and why it was wrong.
I can not abide parents who let there kids get away with being little gits, running around causing distress so i do believe in setting strict guidelines and teaching and teaching again about respecting others, people who think that just because you dont cause physical pain to your child you are not controlling then have some issues they need to sort out themselves.
Cobweb I am so sorry you had to endure that abuse. I did too and it stinks. I swore I'd never have kids either because of it but 2 years of intense therapy and a great husband changed my mind. I now have 3 (ages 7, 5 and 2). And guess what? They are great kids and I've never once had to spank them but I've also taught them from early on to be nice. If they weren't I just used time outs for a few minutes and that worked like a charm.
I think spanking is just mean.
thanks, karenann
i did smack my son once but it was horrendous. My mother told me that kids need to be hit.
I just read through this thread again and tears sprang to my eyes because i realised how happy i feel now and how much i don't need my parents anymore.
I've lost my cool as a parent. I'm no angel, and neither are my kids.
But just like a new vegan relapses and eats meat, the flaw is human, but it's still unethical. Heck, you could say the same thing about almost all human activities.
Ideally, spanking wouldn't even be socially accepted.
Instead, methods for parent and children to be supported would exist and be easily accessible instead of the vitriol parents receive when their kids aren't quiet in public.
Personally, I go to site that talk about "Unconditional Parenting" for that support... but few parents know about it. Let alone a social network that encourages it like spanking is encouraged on the Christian Radio Stations I listen to in the AM. Ugh.
Not really but she is and it's mostly down to her I reckon.
Me too. I haven't spoken to my parents in 9.5 years. They are miserable horrible people who shouldn't have had kids. They believe they should be hit as well.
My sister hit her 2 kids and now her oldest just had a baby (17 months old now). I can't be around them because it bothers me. My niece hits that toddler too. It's the only way they know how to discipline and it just breaks my heart.
My 3 kids are still young (7, 5 and 2) and honestly they are the best people I know. They are smart, funny, loving, sweet, caring, imaginative, playful, etc. I truly enjoy their company which surprises most people since when everyone else is scrambling for a girls night out I'm content to stay home and cuddle or play with mine. I'm a stay at home mom so they are pretty much always with me.
I could never imagine saying something so horrible about my kids. They really are nice.
Karenann, I understand about how hard it can be to be around your parents. Even if they shouldn't have gotten married or had kids, I think there must be a reason; something to make all the turmoil "worth it"... (now to live up to that!) Anyway, I just have to remind myself that they're regular people and have gone through very painful experiences. I look at my parents like peers rather than parents, treat them as someone with the same pain and goals and stress. I respect them because I can't imagine how hard it is to be a parent. Needless to say, I hope I never hit my children or punish them in anger. I think using anger is the absolute worst way to discipline, its really painful emotionally for the child.
I might be totally wrong, but it doesn't seem to me like the spankings worked, since you say you continued be bad throughout your childhood and they had to keep spanking you until you were 15-16. I'm wondering, did the beatings really take 7-8 years to start working, or did you just grow out of your bad behaviour (like bullying, etc) as you got older and more mature?
I agree with you. I haven't spanked my son and he's yet to get in trouble at school and he just finished 1st grade. As a matter of fact he got the award for being the best all around student. I was so proud (sorry if I seem braggy). He also was the best reader, had high grades, and teachers said he was just a joy to be around. My girls (5 and 2) and the same way very well behaved and people ask me all the time how do I get them to do that? There is no short answer but I can say it did NOT include hitting them.
i agree.
my son used to have a friend who was smacked on a DAILY basis. First thing he did when he came to our house was smack our rabbit. Of course i was angry but i was also more upset for him :(.
imo all smacking does is makes a person immune.
I used to be smacked as a kid, mainly by my mum. My dad had a horrendous temper and once punched a door so hard that it cracked, and just seeing him lose control like that scared me a lot. He used to throw stuff at me aswell, and once when I was 14/15 he almost hit me in the face, but my brother was there and managed to stop him.
Smacking should be illegal. I don't care if it's controlled or through temper, it is wrong!
I didn't realise at all that smacking was illegal in so many countries! I wonder how that is enforced.
OMG to the Canada rules, do people really still use implements on their kids these days (at any age???)
so the U.K and U.S are both in the dark ages with this aswell as many other things, hmm..............
Hey no problem ;)
I was smacked constantly for things as slight as playing too loud, even beat with a metal swivel chair once.
That's awful, eeplox!
Just reading through a bit of this thread has made me feel upset and angry on the behalf of a lot of the posters.
Well, in Central America beating your kids is the 'grounding' technique and everybody does it so I won't act like my parents are evil for being 'normal' in their culture, but I was more than spanked as a child lol. Never by my dad though, he knew he was too strong to hit me, mostly by my godmother and my mom.
I refuse to be traumatized by this since if I chose to be a victim in my head then I would be even more messed up, plus I have to say that 99% of people there have to go through it/have gone through it so I'm nothing special...eventually you even take it as a joke lol, but of course I would never do it to one of my kids/family members.
^ you see, I used to think the same way too, and I noticed that basically I was excusing my sadness and unhappiness with it when I could choose not to. Remember, every feeling is a choice. Just think about how many people have to go through it, and if it wasn't severe like some cases, then you can laugh about it (without doing it yourself of course) and forget about it... I am so serious about everyone in the world, except higher educated parents, beating their kids, and imagine if everyone except those educated parent's children feeling like us? Then nothing would get done and everyone would feel terrible about their childhood. It takes some time to move on though, but it is completely possible, and one has to be ready.