Yes, I am NEVER clucky or broody round babies atall, yet my own - just felt 'right'.
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Yes, I am NEVER clucky or broody round babies atall, yet my own - just felt 'right'.
I'm so glad to hear I'm not completely alone in my thinking! I had not particularly wanted kids for a long time and around age 24 I went through a stage where I was desperate for a baby, but it passed. Now it seems to come and go. I quite like babies, but really don't have a lot of interest in other people's children. I feel like I don't know what to do with them! I think I've always thought it would be different if they were my own. I figure that if it happens it happens and if it doesn't then my life was obviously meant to take a different path. I haven't been on the pill for about 2 years (all those evil chemicals playing around with my body!!) so I guess I can't be too 'anti' babies or I'd be doing something about protection... :rolleyes:
That's what I thought. I was wrong.Quote:
Leigh
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my kids to death and would lay down my own life for them, but I don't actually like children at all. They kinda scare me, I feel slightly intimidated by older children/teenagers and mostly, they just annoy the hell outta me (but then so do lots of things).
I never had any maternal instinct whatsoever - never even held a baby until I had my own - but I'd never really been anti or pro children. It just kinda seemed like the next logical step in our relationship. I did, however, have to do an awful lot of learning and soul searching as my own parents made a complete hash of mine and my brothers lives while we were growing up, and provided no positive role model to follow.
I would say that I am a 'good enough' mother, and I shower my kids with love, affection and praise while giving them the boundries they need to be well adjusted people. I was thrilled when I became pregnant (both kids were totally planned) but never assume you'll just 'click' when you have your own child. It's hard work at the best of times, but more so if you have no experience or positive role models to draw from. Maybe my experience is clouded because I suffered from severe Post Natal Depression, who knows?
I must sound like a child hating monster now! I'm not - honest! :)
I completely understand Left of Centre. I do absolutely love my babies more than anyone else in the world. However, I don't feel like a natural mom. I hug them, play with them, shower them with kisses but honestely, I was scared to be alone with them until about a month ago. I needed my husband to help me do the basic caring for them. Even now, I can't say I'm completely comfortable caring for them alone and I don't do it too often mainly because my husband hates to be away from them (whew!). I think I'll be more comfortable as they get older and more independent. I have never have been nor will I ever be a "baby person."
It's going to be really difficult when I get the babies involved with the vegan playgroup and have to be around all those kids. Yikes.
I hear ya. I luv pregnancy, i think it is so beautiful and feminin. I even went to a doula school for a bit (couldnt finish for a few reasons, but plan on going back). And being around all those babies and pregnant wymin, well it rocked and i so wanted one. However!! lol
Until my life is solid, and i totally kno how to do the vegan familiy thang (cuz ya gotta kno how to counter the logic of doctors! etc), there is no way i could do that now without regrets, or sadness. I dont feel totally comfortable with kids yet, i do kno that it gets better. But, in my current state, i would feel so trapped.
I will proly have a few... lol, just not now.
*oh yeah, and uhm, a Vegan man by my side! lol
I'm also a firm believer that our plant is way too overpopulated and will never have have children myself for a variety of reasons. However, I'm 100% pro breastfeeding, if the mother is able. I feel like it's sooo much better for the baby than any kind of formula could ever be.
I breastfed both my boys and still am breastfeeding my 13 month old. I did supplament with soy formula with my first but my second never had formula at all. I did start giving him soy milk last month and he loves it.
my daughter, xylia, was exclusively breastfed until she was 6 months old, then we slowly introduced solid foods.
she's a fruit fiend.
since about a year old, she's been having soy yoghurt with sprouted flax or oatmeal made with soymilk on a daily basis.
she's still nursing 2-3 times a day, and i'll let her self wean. i'm hoping she'll nurse until at least two years old.
Thought you guys would be interested:
"Studies show that a vegetarian mother's breast milk has significantly lower levels of pesticide residue than a non-vegetarian's.[14]"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vegetarianism
I don't have any children but if I did, I would exclusively breastfeed my baby the first months. I'm very confident that I have a well balanced diet and I don't think any formula in the world could do as well as my (vegan) milk. I have a good immune system which I think is a result of my diet (I can't even remember how many years ago since I had a cold...). BUT having said that - if I'm not able to nurse for some serious reasons, I wouldn't stress myself out about it either. I would have to accept the second best option and be thankful that there is one.
So many women are put on a guilt trip if they can't do it, and it has almost become a stigma these days if a mother does not nurse her baby. That's wrong too and creates so much stress and negativity around child rearing (like it's not hard enough with a new kid than having to deal with judgments from other women too!). Some women need to be on medication for physical or mental illnesses and don't want to transmit that through their milk. It might be a difficult but a necessary choice.
A private members bill went through the English parliament yesterday to make it illegal for businesses to forbid women breastfeeding. Apparently many women have been told not to when out in eateries and so on.
Unfortunately private members bills don't make it into law.
If anyone stops me breastfeeding when I have kids they'll get a good kicking. It's the most natural thing in the world, they only reason people are funny about it is because we have such a weird attitude to sex and women in this country. Breasts are for feeding babies *and* sexual purposes. Being a mother and a sexual being aren't mutually exclusive.
I don't plan to have any children, but if I did I would breastfeed if at all possible, and would express milk for them to have during daycare if I went back to work. I picked the first option because I didn't see the "don't plan on having kids" one until after I clicked :)
Apparently this woman went to a restaurant and ordered a 4 course meal for herself and her family. She only ate the first course and they asked them to leave as they did not approve of her breastfeeding, and billed them for the 4 courses. It was on Radio 4 Today Programme.
I would personally not feel comfortable nursing in public, that's just the way I am, but I think I should have the right to do so if I choose to. I can see how some might feel slightly unfomfortable with it (after all people will always have different feelings about anything body related and we can't dictate someone's thoughts and emotions), but I definitely can't understand how in any way it can be seen as offensive and something that should be agaisnt the law in public places... now, that's a little scary!:confused:
I agree kriz. I also probably wouldn't run around in public topless, but it makes me very angry that it is illegal for women, but not for men. There's nothing indecent about a woman's body, especially when she is using it to feed her child.
I believe that it is only natural to breastfeed your children, and I think it's disgusting that people feed their children milk meant for the development of calves. it's crazy.
It is indeed natural to breastfeed babies, and bizarre to stigmatise it and make it seem a minority "choice".
Also bizarre to make feeding of another species milk the norm rather than something done on occasion out of necessity, but modern western culture has turned the adult female breast away from its natural function, and into a fashion accessory.
Our son is breastfed, he just turned one last month. We don't plan to stop anytime soon either. My wife is so passionate about breastfeeding she opened up Mother Nurture.
Breastfeeding my now 19-month-old was actually one of the things that pushed me from ovo-lacto to vegan - it just felt wrong to be drinking/eating cows' milk products and thinking of the calves separated from their mothers :(.
He's still a boobaholic now and showing no signs of wanting to stop anytime soon, which is fine by me! :)
Hehe Nancekuke! "Boobaholic" :p
How in the heck do those bra-wearing women handle the 'stimulation'? Darn, they must be over-sensitive. And ya, I got bit- A LOT. She had a funny little snapping-turtle reflex when I slipped out after feeds. teeth at 4 months.
i have two ACE daughters..now aged 12 and 9..with my oldest girl i had a difficult and rushed induced labour and felt i didn't get the support in the days following her birth to breastfeed successfully. I persevered for several weeks only :( before dad rushed out to buy some formula and after a few ounces guzzled down her cheeks visibly flushed and she slept for the longest period since being born. I wasn't happy with my decision and felt quite strongly for some time that I'd 'failed'.
I have to say the first few weeks after her birth, having very little sleep and simply not knowing how to calm a screaming baby through the night because I just couldn't work out how to feed her was terrible..with sore nipples :( ..not a laughing matter!!! just rubbish when your partner is snoring his head off asleep and you're so utterly knackered and feeling like a failure.
My second daughter I had absolutely no problems with..i LOVED breastfeeding her..just adored it and was reluctant to stop when she was about 18 months old. I also feel really strongly that even though we are a close little unit, the bond with my youngest daughter is quite intense. I'm sure there are a whole load of contributory factors..personality..age..all that stuff, but I'd be naive if I thought those 18 months of intimate breastfeeding played no part.
Now my oldest daughter is the one who would happily gorge on meat, crappy sweets and all bad food..makes a fuss about eating veg..and generally kicks off about 'freaky veganism'..and the little one is an eager vegetarian..not far off from being vegan apart from eggs basically..so I wonder if the choices they're making now are reflected in how they fed as babies milk-wise.
They act a bit like Horrid Henry and Perfect Peter but in girl form! :D
(but I'm not supposed to say that *ahem*)
I haven't voted in the poll as I think there are a few choices that're applicable and I'm just dithering about which one to choose.
Rightly or wrongly, I chose not to breastfeed either of my children, mainly because I wouldn't feel at all comfortable breastfeeding infront of absolutely anybody. I don't think my children have suffered at all from my choice (they are now 23 and 21). The thing that really p****d me off though was the comments from total strangers and other mothers - all assuming I couldn't breast feed and looking down their noses when I told them I chose not to. I may not have breastfed my kids but I made all their meals from scratch (no jars for them) and they had no packaged or sugared food. When they went to pre-school / school their lunchboxes were packed with wholemeal sandwiches with healthy fillings with lots of fresh/dried fruit and raw veggies, whilst the kids of the'do gooders'' who had criticised me for not breastfeeding were chomping away on white bread, chips and lollies. My son (about 6 at the time) once asked for a salad in his lunchbox which I happily provided - when asked if he would like another salad the following day he replied 'no thank you - I liked the salad yesterday but all the other kids laughed at me' Whilst there's no doubt that breast is best, it should be the basis of healthy nutrition throughout life and not just for the first 6-12 months or so.
thats what your boobs are for. children do not have functioning immune systems until they reach one year. the purpose of breastfeeding isn't just giving nutrients to your baby, its giving your immune antibodies to your baby until he/she/zee makes their own.
i'm not so sure about this logic. my mother nursed me until i was 10 months old. she says i just quit one day, which is possible, as she was pregnant with my sister, and sometimes that happens.
she nursed my sister until she was three years old.
we were raised vegetarian. however, out of the house, i continually refused people's offers of meat, while my sister begged it off of them!
at about 15 years old i became vegan. around that point my sister was only vegetarian at home. away from home she was very omnivorous.
my daughter is almost 2 1/2 and she still nurses most days, usually only once, occasionally a bit more. i don't think that my nursing her will be a part of her decisions when it comes to animal products outside the home. i hope that the things we teach her will guide her along a similar path as the one we've taken, but there are no guarantees.
kudos to all who breastfeed.
for those who didn't or won't or can't, i know that you're doing what you find is best for your children, either from the basis of a choice or because you've had to find something else to do because breastfeeding didn't work. kudos to you for doing what you felt best.
Maybe so but i would not be comfortable flopping them out in public like many folk to .. each to their own. My children were/are just as healthy as any others ... I'd like to know what makes you an expert at 24 years old. You neglected to tell us about your own experience .... how many children have you raised for example?
Does raising children make one an expert in immunology or microbiology?
There was so much I didn't know About breast milk until recently; so much only now coming out about longterm effects of formula feeding. I don't want to get down on mothers for damaging their kids; hell, one way or other kids grow up blaming us for damaging them!
^ agreed! ;)
I breastfed my son for 9 months but I also gave him solid food very early as he was sooooooooo hungry. Wish I hadn't done that now :o .
Drunkenunicorn are you/have you been a breastfeeding mother?. Also, calling someone a 'freak' is very hurtful :( .
I think breastfeeding is supposed to be better obviously, but I used to work with teenage mums and some women find it very difficult and painful.
It doesn't help when people say how natural it is because some women just don't take to it naturally and feel pressurised into trying it. This can lead to feelings of failure if they don't do it.
I really take offence when anyone says that women should go into a bathroom or whatever to breastfeed as if it is something pornographic or offensive, I think it is a sad reflection on society and the role of women in it.
Thank you Aphrodite..... I agree with everything you say. It is a sad reflection on society that women should hide away to feed their babies, however, in this day and age I think the majority think of breasts in a sexual way first and a tool for feeding babies second. I notice one of Drunkenunicorn's interests is 'tits' ... I rest my case.
I've been breastfeeding my daughter for 10 weeks, all her life. I'll whip 'em out when and wherever I feel the need to and the last place anyone would find me is hiding in a bathroom or anywhere else uncomfortable. I'll do it in the car if it's a nice day and not too hot. My first two were also breastfed but that was 12 years ago. The first for a year the second for 6 months. I am enjoying this time so much more (as with most things as we get older) and hope to do better than a year, unless she decides otherwise.
It is PC to breastfeed now, but if you saw some of the looks I get...you'd never know it.
sorry about calling you a freak. i didn't mean to offend anybody. i meant 'freak' in a teasing, joking tone. i forget its hard to translate tone in written form. i guess thats what these silly faces are for :). its true one of my interests says tits. i put 'tits' in my interests because it was funny. but seriously? breasts rock. they're the most obvious and most perfect part of being a female: the ability to nourish life from your body. it looks like the milk flows out from your heart. I think thats really amazing and beautiful.
i learned about how infants dont have immune systems until one year old in the pregnancy and breastfeeding section of my human sexuality class in SFSU. (i studied physiology). when i found out about that, I was really mad because my mom weaned me at 6 months!!
my best friend is currently nursing her first born. she had to go to 'La Leche League' to get help because Burroughs(the baby) didn't want to nurse. La Leche League is a really good resource. they help with legal cases too. did you know that the average length of breastfeeding is 4.2 years worldwide? isn't that amazing? its a shame western culture sexualizes the breasts so much. its hard to break away from the stigma that breasts are dirty and something to be embarassed of. they shouldn't be ignored or sexualized. they're there for a reason. i'm glad its becoming more PC to breastfeed now. its about time. ignore other people's looks. some people are so out of touch.
It's certainly not natural, Aphrodite, in our culture today. We don't grow up with it like watching mum make chappati or dad drive the car: we are all starting from scratch. Wish more stories of difficulty starting breast-feeding were known (hate those smiling books). I had a rotten start and was pressured to go onto the bottle; dug my heals in, cried alot and didn't cave in. With all the discouragement around ( La Leche helped some) I remember the words of an old friend '98% of mothers can, successfully, but there is a lag in the body catching up to baby's needs'. The lesson is persevere persevere persevere. The only failure is giving up.
Drunkenunicorn - I didn't think you meant 'freak' in a negative way but I think its true that words typed can be mistaken. I have said things on the forum and have had people retort as if they thought I meant what I said was aggressive when I only meant to be vehement.
I think we all agree that mothers have a difficult job anyway with a lot of pressure and very little thanks.
It seems to me in UK society women have to have a fab figure four weeks after giving birth, be adept at breastfeeding whilst maintaining the perfect home and garden as well as having a great fulfilling career and God knows what else.
All this pressure leads to competitiveness and feelings of inadequacy.
If it had been at all possible I would have loved to have breastfed my children. I do regret the fact that they never had the opportunity to taste their mothers' milk. They were both abandonned at a really young age, one at one day old the other at a month old. We continued to feed them what they were used to and now feed them as healthily as possible and give them all the love and support we can. That's the way it turned out for our family. Each story is different and it's good to read the supportive posts for parents doing their best whichever way they can manage to do it.
It's not easy, perservere is the key for sure. It hurts...my nipples actually cracked and bled this time. The demand is there before supply, like anything else. The first time I did it I was 18 years old, and barely. I succeeded because it never occured to me that it might not work. There was no formula waiting in the cabinet "just in case", no family lurking around with pressures, warnings, or advice. My husband at the time was an a$$ and slept all night while I stayed up in the recliner nursing this baby that seemed to never want to stop and crying my miserable little eyes out! I never thought, "He might not be getting enough milk", I thought, "what a miserable brat I've spawned!" :o It all worked out. Including losing the a$$ that prefered sleep to supporting a loved one. Anyway, my point is that if I'd known I COULD give up I probably would have! So this time I just suffered through all the difficulties, waiting for them to smooth themselves out. They did. Sometimes she nurses non-stop (like the day before yesterday) and I get a little anxious wondering if something is wrong with me/milk. I know better though, for the most part. Like you said, demand is there before supply. You just have to be patient for it to catch up when the demand increases, as it will from time to time.
Women who don't nurse are just fine in my book. If I was going to be honest I'd have to say I feel a little sorry for them--whether they decided not to BF or just couldn't, either one. When I get the sense that someone feels pity for me I feel the urge to bite them, and hard, so sorry.:D
My youngest sister is schizophrenic and could not BF with the meds in her milk. Sterilizing, mixing, chilling, rewarming, wiping up the inevitable sick, colic.... now THAT deserves pity.....!
Oops that's what I meant. I do feel pity for people who have to do all that stuff! It sucks, my second son only nursed for 6 months then "rejected the breast" and went to soy formula. I hated messing around with everything bottle.
When I talked about biting I was just saying that I personally don't care to have anybody feeling sorry for me for ANYTHING, so if anyone felt indignant about me feeling pity for them having bottle feed and they actually liked it or whatever, sorry.
My brother's girlfriend breastfeeds her baby, and sometimes I ask her to flash him when he's just sitting there because it's really funny when he sees her breast he starts laughing and flapping his arms all excitedly. He's 9 months.