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Thread: if you could change anything about the way you raised your child...

  1. #1
    Goddess foxytina_69's Avatar
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    Question if you could change anything about the way you raised your child...

    what would it be?

    i dont really have anyone i could learn parenting from and i thought this would be a good idea to learn from people who are parents now!
    "you dont have to be tall to see the moon" - african proverb

  2. #2

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    Default Re: if you could change anything about the way you raised your child...

    I wouldnt change much, my son is a very intelligent and compationate person, I would however, like to change his father...
    To choose your partener wisely is important. -as a mother.
    As a child advocate- remember this: All children are powerful, competent, capable beings, (a reggio quote-or close to) the best any parent could do is truly believe this.
    Are you pregnant?

  3. #3
    puffin's Avatar
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    Default Re: if you could change anything about the way you raised your child...

    I am still raising mine so i will get back to you when they have left home

  4. #4
    CATWOMAN sandra's Avatar
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    Default Re: if you could change anything about the way you raised your child...

    I wish I hadn't been so anxious all the time and enjoyed them just being children once in a while. I know it's a cliche, but they grow up so fast, one minute they're at primary school and the next university!

  5. #5
    PygmyGoat
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    Default Re: if you could change anything about the way you raised your child...

    I'm still raising mine, too - but I'll say this, I agree with Sandra, I do wish I'd relaxed more and NOT listened to other people so much. I wish I had never smacked him (only did twice and it felt like shit ) - which I had intended never ever to do anyway. I wish I had never allowed him access to any 'junk' foods, and that he'd been raised 100% vegan from birth.

    I also wish I had put more thought into my choice of partner - he's never been any kind of a 'hands-on' father atall .

  6. #6
    perfect RedWellies's Avatar
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    Default Re: if you could change anything about the way you raised your child...

    Quote Ashee View Post
    Are you pregnant?
    I was going to ask that!

    I don't have kids but I remember being one very well! My advice would be to not smack and to listen to what the child is trying to tell you.
    "Do what you can with what you have where you are."
    - Theodore Roosevelt

  7. #7
    Justin's Avatar
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    Default Re: if you could change anything about the way you raised your child...

    what about santa/bunny/fairy etc- is it a good idea to bs them?

  8. #8
    cedartree cedarblue's Avatar
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    Default Re: if you could change anything about the way you raised your child...

    wheres the bs in imagination?

  9. #9
    PygmyGoat
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    Default Re: if you could change anything about the way you raised your child...

    Justin, what are you trying to tell us???


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    Default Re: if you could change anything about the way you raised your child...

    I've grown up already and I can tell you that my mom definitely should have chosen a more loving hands on husband. My dad was always home and could always be found in one spot: In his easy chair reading a book. He was always home and never really talked with us. I dont really feel like I even have a father :P Except that he sends money for school .

    I appreciate that my dad did make the rule that I had a 20 minute break after school, but then had to start homework. I could not do any activities until finishing my homework each day. Although I did not like the rule at first, after getting used to it, it taught me self control and that studying is important. This rule saved me during college.

    I'm glad they taught me to eat healthy. They taught me compassion for animals but ALSO how the products could hurt my body.

    I wish they'd had their own lives in order before bringing me into the world. It made my life more complicated when they were still trying to fix problems that they should have fixed before I was born.

  11. #11

    Default Re: if you could change anything about the way you raised your child...

    My partner and I are still raising ours, i reckon the anxiety is the best. we were very hung up on ensuring our first born was only around vegan food. we compensated for that by always having vegan treats. i am less hung up with my third born.

  12. #12
    Goddess foxytina_69's Avatar
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    Default Re: if you could change anything about the way you raised your child...

    thanks everyone. those are great tips.

    ashee no im not pregnant but when i do have children, id like to be very informed.
    "you dont have to be tall to see the moon" - african proverb

  13. #13
    Yoggy's Avatar
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    Default Re: if you could change anything about the way you raised your child...

    Quote RedWellies View Post
    I don't have kids but I remember being one very well! My advice would be to not smack and to listen to what the child is trying to tell you.
    That is so true RedWellies! The thing I remember most about being a child was that too often grown-ups dismissed what I was trying to say because it wasn't as important to them as it was to me. Kids don't have to worry about bills and jobs, but the things they DO have to worry about are very very important to them, and it hurt me so much that adults didn't take the time to pay attention to the things I really cared about. Looking back, my troubles really were trivial, but they weren't when I was that age!

    I also remember many times getting into trouble and not understanding why. I was 4 or 5 and I went to the park to play with my friends without telling my mom, and I got spanked when I came home because I hadn't told her where I was. Of course, that's the last thing on a 5 year old's mind when they're on the way to the park, so I think a calm explanation about what I did wrong would have been more effective and less traumatic for me. Kids just don't think the way adults do, so they shouldn't get into trouble for doing things that they couldn't have been expected to know not to do.

    Okay I think I'm starting to rant . I had a lot of time to think about this when I was teaching elementary school children as a Mad Scientist, so when I have kids (make that if, rather ), I want to keep those things in mind.
    "Man can do as he wills, but not will as he wills" - Arthur Schopenhauer

  14. #14
    AR Activist Roxy's Avatar
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    Default Re: if you could change anything about the way you raised your child...

    I don't want kids, but can I just say that it's really important not to let them run around in a store and scream and knock things over. They should be properly supervised.

    HAHA!! You can tell that I work in a store can't you

  15. #15
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    Default Re: if you could change anything about the way you raised your child...

    We adopted our two little girls from China. They are both 3, but 10 months apart...The smallest has just been with us 1 year and the oldest since she was 10 months old.
    I think that with parenting, you have to be sensitive to what they are trying to tell you. Even when they can talk there is still loads of non-spoken communication through their behaviour. Knowing this has made wondering why they were doing so many funny things easier to understand..Help them to know what is going to happen next by having little routines and keep life simple!!!!

    No regets, though we make mistakes and try and learn from them. I don't think smacking is a good idea either. The best advice I had was, "find what works for you (in dealing with a problem) even if it seems unconventional and stick with it!!!!"

    Best wishes.

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    Default Re: if you could change anything about the way you raised your child...

    Nothing. They are growing up into responsible, sensitive, loving, and wonderful adults. Mistakes have been made, but they were corrected along the way and made a positive impact on them and me. It has been quite a struggle with me being the compassionate parent and my spouse of the old generation of authoritarian approach to raising children. I've had to stand up for them when spanking got too out of hand and make a stand with no more spanking. I've let them be heard when they thought nobody was listening, even though children are to be silent unless spoken too. I've gone through some emotional struggles and let them take over when I was too confused to think things through. Over the years the authoritarian spouse has changed into a compassionate one. And I do believe at the root of everything is love. Now our kids are our best friends, or as they say "Have you got my back?" our answer is yes.

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    Default Re: if you could change anything about the way you raised your child...

    Quote cedarblue View Post
    wheres the bs in imagination?

    My kids haven't been fed any of the tooth fairy/santa claus/easter bunny myths, and they have PLENTY of imagination, believe me.

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    Default Re: if you could change anything about the way you raised your child...

    I did the whole Santa, tooth fairy, and the Easter bunny thing with my kids. It was the thing to do. As they got older, I told them about Kris Kringle and how he did the Santa thing when he was alive and how the parents carried out the tradition of giving at Christmas time, and all the traditions we've added to it (christmas morning brunch, going over to relatives houses, etc.). After that they would then asked about the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny. I told them that was just plain fun to do. Thus I told them the truth when they asked for it, and in the way they could relate to it in a positive way.
    I try to teach them not to judge things at face value, but to look at the whole thing. Was I being malicious in lying to them about Santa/Easterbunny/toothfairy? No. Just giving them some fun. Of course I did not use these things as a tool to control their behavior (oh you better not pout, you better not cry, cause Santa Claus is coming to town. . . goes the song).
    I think that a child's imagination can include these three things, but doesn't stop there. Just look at the video games they play. And the cartoons. Sesame street with the muppets. Imagination from their perspective is wonderful. (I watch the kids' shows when all I can find is talk shows and money game shows on TV. for adults).

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