I normally wouldn't make an issue of these problems; afterall I am a student, and what student doesn't drink too much, sleep too little and subsist on prepackaged crap. However over the last few months I've had to deal with some pretty weighty emotional issues, which I won't bother getting into, but they're still taking their toll on me financially, academically and socially, and this is what I'd like a bit of insight on.
Basically, as a result of previous circumstances, I'm flat out broke. I've pretty much reached my overdraft limit, and I'm suddenly having to face some hefty bills - about £1500 for accommodation, as well as a BT bill for cancelling an 18-month broadband contract which will probably come to about £500. My laptop is wrecked as someone spilled rum and lemonade on it, and my car has just broken down as a result of a dead alternator and battery. In mid-January I left an abusive relationship, and when I moved back into student accommodation I was so happy, and everyone around me was so nice, I just forgot everything and absorbed myself into my new home.
Last night was the first time I'd been sober in about a week and a half. I tend to always have a couple of bottles of red wine or a crate of cider in my room, which tend to be demolished within a day or two, whether I have company or not. I'm quite sociable about it; if people want to come and sit with me I'll offer them a drink or two, we sometimes end up going out and that always spells disaster. I do know my limits and don't usually drink to the point of passing out, but I have been overdoing it quite a lot in the last few weeks. Of course with the drinking comes the smoking, and I'll sit and smoke half a pouch of Cutters Choice in one evening, easily.
I don't usually have problems sleeping, but lately I've had so many late ones, and when my head does eventually hit the pillow, at perhaps 1 or 2 am, I'll quite happily snooze til 3 or 4 in the afternoon. Of course this means I'm not going to lectures, which obviously in my final year is pretty stupid behaviour. I just can't physically bring myself to leave my bed until mid afternoon, whether I've been drinking or not.
Food is not great either - most days I'll just eat toast with margarine, unless someone is nice enough to cook vegan and share with me. If I can get myself out of bed in time, I'll pop out and grab some instant noodles or a flapjack, but on campus the choice of vegan food is horrendous, if at all extant. But toast is my saviour, and I guess the diet of bread and coffee followed by copious amounts of red wine is probably contributing to by inability to get out of bed (although I'm sure Jesus used to do something similar?).
I know it's a huge mess, and for the most part self-inflicted, I just don't know how to get out of it whilst saving my degree, which so far is four years of damned hard work. I always saw myself as being almost completely independent, or at least aspired to being independent, but I miss having someone to care about me, and give me a cuddle and some support when things aren't great, and have been reaching out in the most unlikely of places, only to come back feeling worse and more dejected than I did before.
Sorry this turned into a bit of a rant... I'm just sure there's something I'm missing here; maybe someone could help point me in the right direction.