Sleep, booze and diet

[veganavenger]

I normally wouldn't make an issue of these problems; afterall I am a student, and what student doesn't drink too much, sleep too little and subsist on prepackaged crap. However over the last few months I've had to deal with some pretty weighty emotional issues, which I won't bother getting into, but they're still taking their toll on me financially, academically and socially, and this is what I'd like a bit of insight on.

Basically, as a result of previous circumstances, I'm flat out broke. I've pretty much reached my overdraft limit, and I'm suddenly having to face some hefty bills - about £1500 for accommodation, as well as a BT bill for cancelling an 18-month broadband contract which will probably come to about £500. My laptop is wrecked as someone spilled rum and lemonade on it, and my car has just broken down as a result of a dead alternator and battery. In mid-January I left an abusive relationship, and when I moved back into student accommodation I was so happy, and everyone around me was so nice, I just forgot everything and absorbed myself into my new home.

Last night was the first time I'd been sober in about a week and a half. I tend to always have a couple of bottles of red wine or a crate of cider in my room, which tend to be demolished within a day or two, whether I have company or not. I'm quite sociable about it; if people want to come and sit with me I'll offer them a drink or two, we sometimes end up going out and that always spells disaster. I do know my limits and don't usually drink to the point of passing out, but I have been overdoing it quite a lot in the last few weeks. Of course with the drinking comes the smoking, and I'll sit and smoke half a pouch of Cutters Choice in one evening, easily.

I don't usually have problems sleeping, but lately I've had so many late ones, and when my head does eventually hit the pillow, at perhaps 1 or 2 am, I'll quite happily snooze til 3 or 4 in the afternoon. Of course this means I'm not going to lectures, which obviously in my final year is pretty stupid behaviour. I just can't physically bring myself to leave my bed until mid afternoon, whether I've been drinking or not.

Food is not great either - most days I'll just eat toast with margarine, unless someone is nice enough to cook vegan and share with me. If I can get myself out of bed in time, I'll pop out and grab some instant noodles or a flapjack, but on campus the choice of vegan food is horrendous, if at all extant. But toast is my saviour, and I guess the diet of bread and coffee followed by copious amounts of red wine is probably contributing to by inability to get out of bed (although I'm sure Jesus used to do something similar?).

I know it's a huge mess, and for the most part self-inflicted, I just don't know how to get out of it whilst saving my degree, which so far is four years of damned hard work. I always saw myself as being almost completely independent, or at least aspired to being independent, but I miss having someone to care about me, and give me a cuddle and some support when things aren't great, and have been reaching out in the most unlikely of places, only to come back feeling worse and more dejected than I did before.

Sorry this turned into a bit of a rant... I'm just sure there's something I'm missing here; maybe someone could help point me in the right direction.

[Smoothie]

you need to sit down and make a plan; make a nice mealplan, which is healthy, cheap and easy to make. - you can get loads of info on this forum.
besides from that, you need to stop drinking! seriously. you NEED to. at least if you wanna graduate. you NEED your health to be at the top, if you wanna be able to go to lectures (and actually learn something), do homeworks (and them not being bullshit), AND YOU NEED TO SLEEP. well, try just cooking a nice meal, reading a nice book, maybe doing some exercise - running? - and go home and just BE. not do, not think not anything. just be.
empty your head, and then start writing down what you need to change. make a plan - like
1) i need to stop drinking
2)i need to get proper food
3)i need to get some seriously better sleeping

then decide to give yourself something like two weeks, where you DO this. no matter how hard it is.

then add:
4) i wanna go to lectures every day, if i'm not really sick
5)i wanna exercise to get more energy

do this for two more weeks..

then add

6)i need to check my financials (go talk to your bank, your mom, your whoever-is-good-with-money-person), and then make a realistic plan. like make a budget..
do you need more money, to be able to do what you need to do?
if so, can you get a job besides school?
how will you pay your debts? how much every month?
and so on..

and then think about how much you can achieve, just by living healthy, and sleeping - it gives you so much more energy!

besides from that, there is nothing better than asking your loved ones for help - go talk to familymembers and friends about this. talk about your goals and how you get there? if they can help with something? if you can do something together?

hope this leeds you on the road to getting a better life

[cedarblue]

is there someone or a group at your place of study you can turn to for support?

smoothie has given some great advice imo (a wise head on young shoulders!). of course it all depends on what you decide you really WANT again, ie to graduate, to be healthy, to have enough money to pay bills and then have a little left for some treats? you neednt even try to do everything at once but if you want to change things, a good clean sweep is often the best way.

sorry to hear of your problems. hope you can take a moment to stop and take stock.

wishing you all the best.

[sprite1986]

Hey, yeah I agree with the advice that has already been given.

I've recently been in a remarkably similar situation to you, but I've managed to cope. I would really suggest you go and talk to Student Services (if you have one) and ask them if there is any way you can apply for a student-hardship fund. Particularly as you are in uni accomodation, they might evaluate your circumstances and make allowances for you regards payment. So at least thats a start on the money situation. Also, you could consider thinking whether you have any family that could help you out, even just as a loan to be payed back? Or if you are not already, apply for a part-time job, just to get you back on your feet.


Next up; academic-wise. For various reasons, i've found it incredibly hard to focus on my work, and exams and all that stuff, but you have to realise that that is why you are there. Your university work is one of the most important things in your life right now, and as you've said, you've already put in so many years hard graft, now isn't the time to let some guy (however much you loved him) muck it up for you. Imagine how you'd feel any number of years down the line realising that you'd wasted all your hard work being upset about a guy who you are sure to realise that you are far better off without.

You really need to sort out a sleeping plan (as a last ditch attempt, you could go to the doctors to get some sleeping pills) just so you start getting into a routine. You won't be productive in any aspect of your life if you just sit about drinking, then going back to sleep again.. ready for the next drinking opportunity.


Foodwise, I wouldn't worry too much. Just make sure you're eating generally balanced meals even if you get loads of protein in one, carbs in the other, vegetables in the other, it doesn't really matter.


I mean all of this in the most well-meaning way, but you have to pick yourself up and realise (which you have done by acknowledging that it is in part self-inflicted) that you still have ample chance to right things. But you have to start sorting things out sooner rather than later.

I hope I haven't missed anything out. Just pm me if you need anything.

[harpy]

I seem to remember being in a fairly chaotic state myself at this point in my final year (again, after a relationship bust-up) but I still did all right so you shouldn't panic. I eventually realised that I needed to get my head down and that last-minute spurt was enough, apparently. I certainly couldn't claim to have done four years' hard work!

You have already had lots of good advice and I think a student counselling service or similar could be a great help. Also you could tell your fellow-students how you're feeling and see if they can give you some support. And your personal tutor if you have something like that?

Exercise is another excellent suggestion - just some brisk walking or similar might help sort out your sleep patterns. It's about being nice to yourself and looking after yourself a bit.

[karmadust]

god, this sounds so much like me my freshman year of college - i hope it is helpful to know you are not the only person who has found themselves in this situation and that so many of us did not end up in complete despair and disaster - so chances are, you'll find a way to plow through and emerge on a brighter side!

i really think that the thing you need to be worrying about is your mental well being, as stuff like this can quickly lead to deep depression, and there's probably a bit of depression at the roots of this kind of lifestyle (from my experience at least). make it a priority to see a counselor. please do this, even if your counselor doesn't have any brilliant insights into your life, they can be immensely good at helping you organize your thoughts and make something coherent out of chaos. they also know about a lot of resources most students don't know are available, so they can help you with your financial situation as well. universities here in the US offer free counseling to students, and i assume it's the same in the UK.

so you know, i abused perscripton drugs to help me study. my boyfriend of the time was an alcoholic (we dated for a year and i never saw him sober). my best friend became addicted to cocaine and alcohol. now all three of us have graduated college and are living very healthy, happy, lives - because we got help. it's amazing how the rest of your life shapes up if you're willing to walk into a stranger's office and say "I can't handle this by myself anymore. Please help me."

good luck and take care

[twinkle]

I'm liking Karmadust's advice. Also, what about Nightline? do you have a branch you could drop in to? Sounds like you could use a bit of friendly "me-time".

[Frank]

Hi Veganavenger,

I'm hoping this helps.

You alleviate to previous circumstances and heavy emotional issues. Those are now in the past. Think of it that you are going through a recovery process from that and that light is now at the end of the tunnel. That is proven because you have come forward to ask people for help - so you are already dealing with your issues.

Nothing will come to you. You have to get up and go to whatever it is you need sorting. You can achieve this as thousands of students have suffered the same issue and come through it.

Get motivated by tackling one thing at a time. You will soon feel better for taking control.

These are not in order:

1. Your car has broken down. How much to repair against how much it's worth? If it's not worth much sell it and get a students bus pass.

2. Laptop - is it repairable - how much to fix? Ask other students where they take theirs. I'll be amazed if you can't find half a dozen students who can probably look at it for you. If it is broken and cannot be repaired or money is not available at this time then go to the library and use their computers for free - including broadband.

3. See your unis counselling/students/mentor service TODAY. Get things moving/shoulder to cry on and someone you can deal with on a face to face basis.

4. Finances - Work out all your income and daily basic needs. Whatever's left half it and use this amount to pay off your debts. You need to cease taking on additional debt and you need to know what you require to live on.

5. Debts - Contact everyone you owe money to by phone and if need be followed up by letter. Make them a minimum offer (even a £1). Let them know that when you start earning after qualification you will renegotiate with them then.

Tell them you are broke and make them a payment offer. If they refuse or get harsh tell them that your friend advised that your only option is to have your self declared bankrupt. Its amazing how many organisations will take a low payment when this is put to them. But do not look to go down this route. Bankruptcy can cause you credit difficulties later on. It is a final option that should only be taken with proper advice. Never use a private company to manage your debts as you will have to pay them too. There are several organisations that can advise you FOC. You can even pop into your Citizens Advice Bureau too.

6. Diet - can't afford much on food? Sprout food - these are living superfoods and for a miniscule cost. Buy various seeds, beans etc and experiment by growing them in your own kitchen. They literally only take a few days to be ready for eating.

Start reducing your dependence on alcohol and smoking. Get down to one bottle, a couple of glasses etc - and keep going. Keep thinking - a bottle of wine or a good meal instead.

7. Work - do any job that helps you out for now. This extra income will make all the difference.

Please, please progress with the start you have made tonight.

Keep us posted as you go on.

Best wishes.

[auntierozzi]

Hello Veganavenger,
You have had some good advice. I wish all the best in getting sorted out step by step.
I was thinking about how best to deal with cutting down on drinking. It would be a good idea to get rid of the last stash of cider etc...from your room. Try and stick to having a drink in the bar or party but don't keep anything in your room. Maybe cleaning out your room and making it a really peaceful place for you to concentrate in would help. Think about what inspired you to study in the first place and maybe find a picture to put up on your wall to remind you of where you are going and what you want for yourself. You have done well to get this far. You can do it

[ph63228]

sounds like quite a pickle your in their! as afore mentioned their will be other students willing to look at your laptop for free just to gain experiance, and if they really muck it up get them to pay :P is your car really worth it? scrap/sell it, buy a bike and cycle everywhere, this will improve your fitness and burn of some of those excess calories you've picked up from the red wine, and remeber, you dont need to get hammered to have a good time, i went outr after my 18th and got soo hammered i couldnt walk and now two months later still have gaps in my memory! not nice, since then i've had some great evenings where i've indulged in soft drinks and the off JD and orange.
keep on having fun but get some help!

[MarkAnthony]

If you've reached a point when you know that alcohol and tobacco are genuinely making your life worse, you may want to consider these books.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Allen-Carrs-...e=UTF8&s=books

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Allen-Carrs-...e=UTF8&s=books

The guy really has a knack for breaking down the psychology associated with tobacco/alcohol. I used his books because I was having similar problems at uni and it did me no end of good.

[Lilac Hamster]

I don't know if it helps you to know that smoking is for the most part not vegan either, only American Spirit is supposed to be cruelty-free, so you might even be going seriously against your vegan ethics for an addiction which is totally unnecessary. I always think it is weird how some AR vegans go into the minutest detail about what they eat while smoking non-vegan cigarettes on AR marches, such hypocrisy! Tobacco has been extensively animal-tested and many cigarettes contain non-vegan additives.

I was also going to say try Allen Carr's books, I have never been a smoker though, always been highly allergic to tobacco smoke which is a blessing in disguise I should think, so I don't have personal experience and it is useful to hear a recommendation from Mark who has found his books helpful.

[auntierozzi]

When one of my great aunties (who like many in my family smoked a heck of a lot) decided to give up, she put the amount she spent on ciggies in a big sweet jar. She kept that up for years and they used the money to go off on atleast one holiday to celebrate Start now you young'un!!

[sprite1986]

How's it all going?

[Charlotte]

Umm, I'm no doctor but you seem to have some of the symptoms of depression, I don't know if you've looked into that but it may be worth visiting your G.P or uni counselling service or your personal tutor?

Try to take care of yourself , if you feel healthy the crap stuff going on around you will seem more resolvable.

[veganavenger]

It's all coming to the crunch now... I woke up several times during last night feeling awful, nauseous, etc.

So I've decided to do something of a detox - biting the bullet, grabbing the nettle, etc... 2 weeks with no alcohol, lots of peppermint tea and homecooked soup.

The last was just inspired by a friend who lives down the hall from me, who has recently gone vegan herself - she's an amazing cook, and I just happened to walk in the kitchen whilst she was making this soup. All it was is some carrots, onions, tomatoes, garlic, bulgur wheat, and some fresh herbs plucked off the windowsill - awesome!

And I also had an idea that I'd set up a little fund for Greyhound Action - I figure I smoke somewhere in the region of £1 worth of tobacco a day, so for every day I don't have a fag, I'll put a quid in a box for them. Hopefully the idea of giving in to smoking at the expense of the dogs will help guilt me out of it.

And my dad is coming on Sunday to replace the alternator on my car - what a legend!

So perhaps things are steadily falling into place. Despite the gut-wrenching stomach pains, I'm feeling pretty positive today. Thanks to everyone who commented with advice and support, it's really appreciated. The advice to go into counselling - it does seem like a good idea, but I went there a couple of months or so ago, when I couldn't cope with the situation I was in with my ex. They were lovely but said they had a waiting list, that they'd put me on. Still not heard back =/

But the support I've received here and from one or two close friends has been second to none. I really like Frank's idea of sprouting... I actually bought a sprouter last year but I'd be very surprised if I still have it - when I left my situation in January I basically just packed everything I needed - laptop, books, guitar, clothes, etc. Everything else just seemed superfluous at the time - and I guess it was. So I may have to look into getting another one of those. Any reccommendations?

Thanks again for all the support.

Laura
x

[sprite1986]

Hi,

I'm really glad to hear things are steadily improving. The Greyhound/smoking fund seems like an awesome (and effective) idea! And god,.. your description of that soup has made me hungry!! At least you won't run out of ideas for different soups considering the extensive selection available on this forum!

I wouldn't worry too much about last night, stress does strange things. But I guess if it persists, you should go to the doctors (who might also be able to recommend a different counselling service (university or NHS provided) that you can see. The waiting lists might have calmed down a bit now, seeming as exams are over and people should be settling into a new term and stuff. Perhaps you were the rare instance in which details were lost, hence why the counselling service you went to never contacted you?

And as you say, you're feeling positive today (which I'm sure will only improve my healthy regular eating), and so you might start to feel more energised regarding your uni work and stuff, but unless you already have, I would definitely go to talk to someone in your department, just to make them aware of your situation, and just for another person to talk to.

And once again, just pm me (or seemingly anyone else on the forum) if you need to talk,

x x x