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Thread: Dealing with non-vegan parents

  1. #51
    FaerieSuzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Explaining vegan diet to parents

    I made sure I did my research so I could back up what I was saying to them. Each time they said something such as 'where will you get your protein?' I had a well rounded answer and they accepted my new diet easily as they could understand why I was doing it. Now my mum has gone vegan too!
    Even the smallest person can change the course of the future

  2. #52
    baffled harpy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Explaining vegan diet to parents

    Hello.

    I think a lot of parents are worried about the health aspects of going vegan because they don't know much about it and haven't met many vegans.

    So, as well as making sure you have answers to all the nutrition questions ready, I would try and plan your meals so that when you eat together (or when they ask what you eat) they can see you're having a decent meal, and not just eating the same as them without the animal products, if you see what I mean.

    You could also ask them what specifically they are worried about and try and set their minds at rest about whatever it is. If there isn't anything specific then they will probably get over it fairly quickly once they see you are doing well.

  3. #53

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    Default Re: Explaining vegan diet to parents

    Hello Ladybug,

    welcome to the forum and of course welcome to the vegan diet.

    I'd also suggest to download the ADA position paper that Korn has linked in his post and show it to your parents.
    Other great ressources are Vesanto Melina and Brenda Davis' book 'Going vegan' - but of course if your parents do not believe in veganism they might consider this biased.
    Another great source is the 'China study', the largest study on the link between nutrition and disease that has been undertaken so far that clearly shows that following a vegan diet is much more healthy than following a non-vegan diet (provided it is a varied diet and you look at getting your nutrients).

    Best regards,
    Andy

  4. #54
    Draíochta Blueberries's Avatar
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    Default Re: Explaining vegan diet to parents

    Heya Ladybug! I had a similar situation to yours, I went vegan at 18 and my parents were disapproving at first but I asserted myself, saying that I was an informed adult and this is what I wanted to do. When they saw that I was taking it seriously and eating properly they backed off, and are now very accepting. My mam has even veganised her apple crumble for me
    Houmous atá ann!

  5. #55
    LadyBug
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    Default Re: Explaining vegan diet to parents

    Thank you all so much for your help! I'm sure with all the resources you provided I will be able to support my argument and convince them. thanks again for your help

  6. #56

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    Default Re: Explaining vegan diet to parents

    Indeed! Also, at 18, you really are a ladybug, no longer a girlbug

    Best regards
    and stand your ground!
    The animals are counting on you...

    Andy

  7. #57
    Bad Buddhist Clueless Git's Avatar
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    Default Re: Explaining vegan diet to parents

    Quote LadyBug View Post
    .. but they think that by not eating meat or dairy, i am harming myself. I am 18, and understand they are worried by the sudden change. how can i explain to them that eating a vegan diet is not harmful or naive?
    A possible 2 step approach ...

    1. Ask them to identify what it is that they think you will not be getting without meat and dairy.

    2. Use one of those kiddies food charts (nice and colourfull those?) to show them where you will be getting whatever it is they think you will not be getting without meat and dairy.

    3. Consider that the reasons people say they object to something are rarely the reasons that people actualy object to that something when the objections don't subside.

    The main reason for persistent objections to veganism is simply that running out of objections to veganism brings a meat eater perilously close to having to 'fess up to themselves that eating meat is wrong.

    Worst of the bunch on that front are peeps who actualy kinda already know that meat eating is wrong. They will fight hard to maintain the impossibility of veganism as it is only by insisting on meat being a neccessity that makes a wrong thing they simply want to do into any form of right.
    All done in the best possible taste ...

  8. #58
    satt
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    Default Unsupportive Parents?

    I made an account on this forum specifically to post this question--it seems people here are intelligible and well-versed on living as vegans/vegetarians, so I thought it'd be a good place to ask.

    Here's the issue: I'm seventeen years old, and I've been a pescatarian for around three years. Recently, after doing some research, I've decided I wanted to make the switch to full-on veganism.

    My mom does not agree. I had expected her to be supportive of my decision, because though she was wary about me becoming a pescatarian as well, now she's fully supportive--she buys me all sorts of meat replacements and such. So, I hadn't really thought that now going on to veganism would be such a huge problem for her. The first thing she said when I told her was, "So, this means no fish and milk?"

    "Yup," I said, "and no more eggs."

    She asked me what's wrong with eggs, and I explained to her that the conditions the chickens are kept in and such are terrible, and all the reasonable arguments against eating eggs. Then, she said, "But what about cows. They need to be milked!" I told her that, no, actually, they don't, and I explained all of that to her as well. I also explained about how eating meat and animal products is contributing hugely to population and is destroying the environment. If anything, I thought she would at least be receptive tothat.

    Nope. Now, I didn't get the chance to explain it all fully to her--I texted her while she was on vacation to tell her (probably not the best idea, but I never expected this sort of hostility from her)--but she'll be back on Monday, so I'm expecting to have another conversation with her, unless she's expecting that I'm just going to drop it, which I'm not.

    I think another problem may be that we are big fish-eaters. However, after researching, eating fish doesn't even appeal to me anymore, so that won't be a problem for me. Also, my mom mentioned something about having to buy different things for me, however, save for the fish, many of our meals are vegan already, if not for some cheese, which I'll be sure not to be using anymore.

    I want to explain to my mom that if she wants to make a non-vegan meal for the rest of the family, then I'll be happy to make my own meal. This may be a problem in itself--she has some sort of preoccupation with family 'unity' or whatnot, because she doesn't like it if I say I don't want what the rest of the family is having (a rare case), so there might be an issue with me making my own meals at times. Also, I don't know what she's worried about having to buy me--I can subsist on the vegetables and whole grains that wealready buy. The only thing I'll need is a B12 supplement, is it not? She's probably worried about me getting enough protein and such, without fish, cheese, etc., because I, too, used to think that you couldn't get this from non-animal products. I now know that isn't true, but she doesn't. When I said that it wasn't going to affect her, she said that, "yes, it will".

    So, I talked to my mom on the phone yesterday, after the incident, and she didn't mention anything, though she did send me a text about still not being supportive. I think she thinks I'm taking some sort of extreme measure. She said that I can do whatever I want when I leave the house--which won't be for another year and a half--but as long as I'm in her house, she doesn't support me being vegan (basically saying "no" to me being vegan on a whole).

    She's away with her boyfriend, so while I'm sure they've talked about it together since, I have no idea what he thinks of it. However, I'm sure he's going to take my mom's side, so that's another negative for me.

    My mom may also be worried because a couple of months ago I was stricken with both mono and pneumonia at the same time, so now she may also be (irrationally) worried that going vegan will have a negative effect on my health, though I know it won't. My brother thinks it's "disgusting", though, he is also a teenager, and quite ignorant about any sort of healthy diets/nutrient.bb

    Therefore, does anyone have any advice on how, when I sit my mom down and talk to her about this when she comes back from her vacation, to convince her that this isn't going to affect her much, besides not being able to add cheese to things such as pasta dishes and such, and that I'll be able to get proper nutrients from a vegan diet? Also, any other general advice just to convince her would be wonderful. I've always been against animal cruelty, so I thought this seemed to be the next logical step, after going pescatarian. I initially didn't think that eating dairy and fish was that bad. But, now, this is something I feel strongly about, and I want her to see that.

    Also, kudos to you if you read that all.

  9. #59
    Draíochta Blueberries's Avatar
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    Default Re: Unsupportive Parents?

    Heya Satt, I'm sorry you're having such a rough time of things

    Firstly I'll say that your mother needs time to adjust to your decision, this news has just been sprung on her and she's still in shock. As anyone who went vegan while living with their parents (including me) will tell you, unsupportive parents generally improve with time. They're just worried about you, and once they see that you can be healthy as a vegan they'll usually back off a bit.

    There's a book which seems like it would help you, Generation V http://www.amazon.com/Generation-Com...7174662&sr=1-1.

    Good luck

  10. #60
    Ex-admin Korn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Unsupportive Parents?

    Hi Satt,

    if you give her the idea that vegans are more in need of multivitamins than non-vegans (which isn't true), you could easily strengthen the myth that living on a vegan diet is less healthy than living on a standard diet (which isn't true either). Besides, the interactions between some of the nutrients in multivitamin may result in a decrease of the efficiency of B12 in those multivitamins. The best solution is IMHO to focus on eating normal, vegan healthy food, and add nutrients when you need it. B12 is the main nutrient to focus on for current vegans, simply because a number of environmental and other factors (and absorption issues related to a 'modern' life style) mean that even if if vegans living in a 'natural' environment easily could get all the B12 they needed naturally (mainly due to the - then - natural occurrence of B12 in soil and water), this isn't usually the case anymore.

    Maybe you could show your mother info info about what ADA says about living on a vegan diet?
    Or explain that vegans don't need to worry about nutrient deficiencies any more than non-vegans?

    she didn't mention anything, though she did send me a text about still not being supportive.
    That probably only shows that she's a good mother. Average parents today don't necessarily have the education and facts they need in order to say OK to their kids living on a diet they feel uncertain about - and you can't really blame them for that. Plus - there is no such thing as a (one) vegan diet; eating 'vegan' doesn't mean that you automatically will eat healthy food. It's good that she cares for your health, but there's lots of available information about eating vegan vs eating standard diet - on books, on internet, in discussion forums etc.

    she may also be (irrationally) worried that going vegan will have a negative effect on my health, though I know it won't.
    You can't know that it "won't", because just avoiding animal products isn't a guarantee for your health! I think parents should be 'worried' if their kids go vegan, because if they won't eat (enough) healthy vegan food, they won't be healthy. Kids don't learn about vegan nutrition in school, so when eg. I started to eat vegan around the age of 15, I didn't know enough about nutrition to ensure that I got enough B12, protein and so on. Also, I didn't know enough about how to make really good food - and the result of all this was that I started to eat animal products again after a while. Parents of meat eating kids generally have more reasons to be worried than parents of vegan kids, but if the parents eat meat too, they aren't worried...


    Things others say about vegans: can't get enough protein/b12/omega-3, brittle hair and nails, scrawny and no muscle. - Examples that this is false: Jake Shields and Mac Danzig
    With all due respect, SmeepRocket, that statement can be easily be misinterpreted. No people - vegans or not - will automatically get what they need from a standard or vegan diet, and two healthy vegans - or two healthy non-vegans don't really prove anything. Just like non-vegans, we have certain nutrients we need to pay attention to; nutrients which we won't necessarily get enough of from a 'varied' diet. The same is true for non-vegans - they just need to focus on other nutrients than we do!

    There's ins't enough fish in the ocean to provide all humans with all the Omega-3 we ideally should have, but vegans won't get Omega-3 if we avoid vegan Omega-3 sources either. There's no simple black-and white truth about nutrition that can be explained in a few words, so statements that can be read as 'plants never contain B12' or 'vegans certainly can easily the B12 they need from the diet' are usually false.


    I think the best thing we can do for veganism is to help the vegan 'movement' to raise above all the simplified theories that has flourished for some decades now, trying to make everything really simple. It's not really complex - not at all, but it's a little more complex than 'very simple'. If your mom understands that you understand this, I think she'll relax more about it. Good luck!
    I will not eat anything that walks, swims, flies, runs, skips, hops or crawls.

  11. #61
    Berkanan
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    Default Re: Unsupportive Parents?

    I have the same problem with my dad, It is very hard to convince someone who has been set in their ways for possibly their whole lives. Your family can't force-feed you, you can politely decline their efforts to give you a push to eating animal products. You've pitched your argument, and if they still don't agree with you, sucks for them, it's your life and you chose what you put into your body. It's important to be polite and calm, getting agitated won't help, and will give them even more reason to 'stop' you becoming Vegan. Be persistent, and good luck

  12. #62
    haley.margaret
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    Default Advice for a girl who wants to go vegan, but needs to convince her parents!

    Hello, my name is Haley and I have been a pescatarian on and off for about two years. I suffered from anorexia nervosa in the middle of my pescatarianism and was instructed to eat meat once again to gain back the lost nutrients at a faster rate. That was about a year and a half ago, and recently, I made the switch back to a pescatarian diet which was the equivalent to shooting both of my parents feet. They took months to finally accept that I wasn't going to eat beef or chicken, which is understandable because of their worry about my disorder. But I am on a much better path and I've been at a healthy weight for more than a year, and I want to make a change. I've read multiple things about veganism, about the health benefits and the environmental benefits, I am very curious about this lifestyle. I would very much like to become "veganized" or however people say it, but I know my parents will never go for it. Any advice for me? Should I just be vegetarian until I go to collage? Or what valid points can I make about veganism? How does it make you guys feel? Thank you very much.

  13. #63
    Ex-admin Korn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice for a girl who wants to go vegan, but needs to convince her parents!

    Any advice for me?
    Sure!

    1) Don't discuss veganism much with your parents until you know more about the differences between nutrition on a standard/lacto+veg/vegan diet etc.

    2) Don't discuss much with your parents when you know more about it either, but instead, show them stuff like this:
    The Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics' position on vegan/vegetarian diets.
    Physicians Committee For Responsible Medicine on vegan diets.

    3) Look at this (you could possibly show it to your parents as well).

    If they disagree with all these professionals/studies, say that they need to contact these professionals (and not you), and tell them something those professionals don't know. Show them that you are impressed that they know so much about nutrition which PCRM and the Academy Of Nutrition and Dietetics don't! ;-) (These two organizations represent ten thousands of organized health professionals).

    4) Don't get fanatical about supplements; not about taking a lot of them, and not about avoiding supplements.

    5) Make sure your food ASAP will be as tasty and enjoyable as what you have been eating in the past. Eating vegan isn't at all about sacrifice or refusing oneself tasty food, instead - find meals which appeals to you. Steal ideas from Mexican/Thai/Indian recipes etc, get a book or two about making vegan food, find recipes on internet (eg here) etc.

    When you get to the point that you think that this is a lot better for you - and at least as tasty as the food you used to eat, you're on the right track. If you don't get there, you are doing something wrong.

  14. #64

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    Default Re: Advice for a girl who wants to go vegan, but needs to convince her parents!

    Why don't you start adding more vegan meals to you diet. I found lots of meals I ate as a vegetarian were vegan anyway. It's easy to add things like cheese to everything when your vegetarian without even thinking about it. You can replace butter/ marg with a vegan margarine and start adding soya, rice or nut milks to your diet by having them with cereal and in drinks. If you start adding new foods you will hardly notice when you remove dairy products. Maybe look into making vegan cakes and biscuits and start making them for you and your family.

    I was vegetarian at home and gradually moved to being vegan. I didn't become vegan till I left my parents house so know it can be hard. Why not do as Korn says and start doing research and looking in vegan nutrition so you are armed with all the facts and start to change you diet if you parents see you eating lots of different healthy foods they might start to feel differently.

  15. #65
    Cacique's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice for a girl who wants to go vegan, but needs to convince her parents!

    I think you've gotten a lot of good advice already, but I would also point out to your parents all the options of food. People think meat has all this nutrition but forget the tons of fruits and vegetables out there. If you ask them what they're specifically worried about, you can answer them or look up the info if you don't know it.

    When most parent's worry, like mine did, they had specific questions, like protein and calcium. If you show them there are alternatives they might be more accepting about it.

  16. #66

    Default Re: Advice for a girl who wants to go vegan, but needs to convince her parents!

    Although I am much older and lived on my own when I went vegan, I have a history of anorexia nervosa too, a recent one, and it took a long time for my family and friends to overcome their suspicions that my turning vegan was and is for strong ethical and environmental reasons and not part of my eating disorder. I have shown by example that being vegan does not mean all I eat are salads and seeds. I have cooked and baked many a high calorie high density dish (hummus, pot pies, desserts, curries etc) to share with others. I have also shown my family and friends the numerous cookbooks out there for vegans and have "educated" them on what vegans can and do eat, taking the focus off what vegans avoid and therefore shedding a positive light on this movement. I have also discussed my beliefs and how I came to choose a vegan lifestyle which has helped a little in their acceptance that this is a life long commitment for me and not a fad diet. This includes choices I make in other areas of my life than just food. This is not to say that everything is rosy now and my family fully understands veganism but I think that they get that this is not part of my eating disorder.
    Like others have said, the best thing you can do is educate your family and yourself about why you want to go vegan and what it means to you. There are websites with free brochures/booklets you can download and share with family and friends too such as: http://www.vrg.org/nutshell/, http://www.veganoutreach.org/whyvegan/WhyVegan.pdf, http://www.veganoutreach.org/advocacy/index.html, http://www.veganoutreach.org/advocacy/resources.html. These are just a few examples. I have numerous books I acquired and studied in my evolution as a vegan that talk about very different approaches and aspects of veganism and vegetarianism that I explored also, such as "The Sexual Politics of Meat" (feminist view), "Vegan Freaks" (abolitionist approach), "Sistah Vegan" (women of color who are vegans), "The Dominion of Love" (Christian vegan beliefs), "Animal Liberation" and many others. Also, an excellent book and resource on vegan nutrition is "Becoming Vegan" by Brenda Davis, R.D. She explores vegan nutrition in huge depth and with scientific backup (including vegan nutrition for children, teens, those recovering from anorexia with a special section just for these topics etc). Showing this to your parents might also help educate them and help them figure out what they can do to accomodate your vegan diet. The more you educate yourself and try to understand your choices and what compels you to live a vegan lifestyle, the easier it will be to express to others and show by example. I did not come right out to others the day I became vegan (february 2011 just over a year ago), but waited until I felt comfortable and the time was right. I live with an omnivore husband and for logistical reasons I needed to tell him right away and he took it hard but over time has adjusted. Changing your lifestyle when you live with others is a big step for them too, especially when you share food and supplies. they have to adjust in some ways too and it isnt easy for them. My husband has had to make compromises he didnt ask for, and it has taken patience on both our parts, but it can happen. I suspect your family will work with you if you can demonstrate how commited and passionate you are about this and what it means to you, and show them how they can help with concrete steps. Offer to help make meals and shop if you dont already. I cant imagine the challenge of living in a household where I would have no control over what I get to eat while becoming vegan, but if that were the case I would try to empower myself by offering to be a part of the food buying and prep, even if it meant getting an extra job or setting aside money to contribute to household goods. I am the bread winner where I live so it wasnt and isnt a huge issue. Good luck with everything!

  17. #67
    Ex-admin Korn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice for a girl who wants to go vegan, but needs to convince her parents!

    With all due respect, I'd avoid to promote anything from veganoutreach for a number of reasons (misleading info being only one of them) but luckily: almost all other relevant vegan sites out there have articles etc. which are useful.

  18. #68

    Default Re: Advice for a girl who wants to go vegan, but needs to convince her parents!

    I guess i am not all that familiar with veganoutreach aside from the brochures and a few glances at their site. Hmmm.

  19. #69
    Berkanan
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    Default Re: Advice for a girl who wants to go vegan, but needs to convince her parents!

    I recently posted a similar question, and I ended up just telling my dad out straight what I wanted to do, what I was going to do, when and how. He didn't like it, but he agreed to let me do it as long as I took a multivitamin and it was seriously what I wanted to do. He did at first think it was a way of masking an eating disorder, but if you show your parents the calorie intake you would be getting with each meal (just while you start out) They should learn to accept it.

    Honesty is the best policy

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