Vegan Children

[cem90611]

Hello. I recently joined the forum to have people to talk to who have similar beliefs. I was a vegetarian for 13 years and have been a vegan for about 1.5 years. I got married in 2006. My husband is not a vegetarian or vegan but does eat vegan dishes and has been pretty understanding. We wanted a baby but I agreed only on the condition that the child is raised a vegan. I discovered that I was pregnant one week ago. I've been discussing with my husband the obstacles that we might have to deal with when the child starts school (I know that is jumping ahead but I want to be prepared). He is now worried about the child fitting in. He thinks it would be good to raise the child a vegan, pack vegan lunches but allow the child to eat cake, donuts, etc at school parties/functions. I told him that was not acceptable but I would bake vegan versions and supply to the child's teachers. He tells me that I'm a fanatic and a dictator. I just want this child to have the best possible start in life. I didn't want to bring another person into this world to contribute to the suffering of other animals. My parents have given me grief also. Its so depressing. Need some support!

[xrodolfox]

Wow. That's one heck of a story. Congratulations on your pregnancy! I'm rather sad about the rest of the conundrum.

My wife and I are vegan, and we have two (vegan) children, aged 21mo (almost 2yo) and 49mo (almost 4yo). Both go to daycares 12 hours a week each, and go to spend time at grandma's 8 hours a week each. We've encountered some of the difficulties of veganism in today's society, but it is not nearly as bad as the picture your hubby or parents make it out to be.

Frankly, who cares if you are an outsider is what you are doing is "just" and "right"? I wasn't born in the US, and didn't know English when I first arrived. I was an "outsider", but that didn't hurt. It didn't hurt because I knew I had to right to be me, and that the pressure to conform was false and arbitrary. My folks helped to raise me to fight back.

Now, your hubby is suggesting that you give in to peer pressure already? No fighting for what you believe? What kind of parenting is that to plan for? Sometimes, you have to stick up for what's right. And I'm proud that I'm preparing my kids to stand up for what they beleive, even if it is unpopular... heck, especially because it is unpopular. I want my kids to stick up for kids that are being bullied. I want my kids to stick up for themselves if they are being bullied. I want my kids to stand up against us, the parents, when they need to. I want my kids to be strong. Now, that is impossible if the parents aren't willing to stand up for what they believe in . Now, I surely more respect a parent saying, "I believe that animals are ours to use for pleasure, so I'm stiking up for eating meat because that's what I beleive"... but saying "I'm worried about being an outsider because it is unpopular, regardless of my beliefs.." that sounds really pitiful and it teaches a kid that sometimes following the crowd is better than believing in yourself.

Now, I don't care what you beleive in, but that sort of parenting sets up a kid to believe only in pleasing others. That kid will have a hard time being happy... unless everyone else is pleased with that kid's image.

[missbettie]

I don't really have anything constructive to add considering I don't have children but I always am torn about Vegan children and trick or treating. What do you do in situations such as that?

[xrodolfox]

This year, my son was just under 4yo for halloween, so he really got into it and knew what was happening.

Last year was easy. We just took out all the non-vegan candies when he wasn't looking and gave back the non-vegan stuff at the door along with vegan candies right away. He didn't miss it, and that was his first Halloween as an "active" participant, since the year he was 1+, he couldn't walk or ask for treats.

This year was harder, but I think we have a template for the future.

He knows what veganism is, and he's allowed to make his own decision. This year, he did eat one tiny non-vegan candy, but then gave away all his M&Ms and other non-vegan treats. The few he really wanted to keep we traded for a bag of vegan treats my wife got at a candy store a day ago. So our son still got to binge on candy, but it was 99.9% vegan (since he did eat one possibly non-vegan lollypop that he wasn't willing to trade).

In the end, what we hope to teach our son is to make his own decisions, and for us to trust his decisions, even if they aren't the same we'd make. We trust that veganism is a sound choice ethically and logically, so we trust that our son will make the same decisions if he is given freedom and given the ability to exercise and practice his reasoning.

In the end, our son is choosing to be vegan even when he doesnt' have to be vegan and when it is appealing to not be vegan. I hope he keeps choosing veganism, but in the end, it is his choice, especially 15 years from now when he's more on his own.

[Fuhzy]

In the end, what we hope to teach our son is to make his own decisions, and for us to trust his decisions, even if they aren't the same we'd make. We trust that veganism is a sound choice ethically and logically, so we trust that our son will make the same decisions if he is given freedom and given the ability to exercise and practice his reasoning.

Jesus that's a perfect philosophy...

[angelamc]

Congratulations on your pregnancy, cem! Don't stress too much about the vegan baby battle yet. It's still very early and you should get to be excited and happy right now. There will be plenty of time for stress down the road. Rodolfo is right, it's not going to be as big a deal as your husband thinks. I have friends with vegan kids and they lead very normal lives. They trick or treat and go to birthday parties and have fun just like everyone else.
I recommend the book Raising Vegan Children in a Nonvegan World. It's a very easy read and it will give you plenty of information to share with your husband and family. Most of it is common sense, really, but I think you will still enjoy it.
I'm going to have vegan children, too, by the way. My boyfriend and I plan on starting right after we get married next year.
And Rodolfo, you always have the best advice!

[cem90611]

Rodolfo, thank you for the kind advice. I think I am also building the obstacles in my mind to be larger than they are. We talked more about it yesterday. His parents were extremely strict on him and his sisters when they were in school. His parents moved them from school to school almost every year and combined with the strictness, he had a difficult time in school. He retracted his dictator comments. He is sensitive to animal cruelty, testing, etc but hasn't made the leap. He agreed to watch the documentary Earthlings. I am hoping the visual images will sway him toward the vegan side. He has come a long way already, he now drinks soy milk and enjoys many of the vegan meals I prepare. He also puts up with and helps me with my 16 dogs and 12 cat informal animal rescue. I will purchase the book Raising Vegan Children in a Nonvegan World. Thank you for the reference Angelamc. Everyone else's comments were welcome also. It is nice to talk to other vegans. I do not know one single vegan. I live in rural Mississippi but I'm from Louisiana. Almost everyone you meet here is extremely nice and kind and would go out of their way to help you but the steak eating and deer hunting mentality does reign supreme here. I'm a quirky oddity but that is ok. One of my favorite quotes is by Einstein, "It gives me great pleasure indeed to see the stubbornness of an incorrigible nonconformist warmly acclaimed."

[xrodolfox]

Wow. What a long post.

As a parent, I won't accept that my kids should conform to others' ideals just because I represent a minority and the majority obviously doesn't.

^ That last phrase contains quite a lot of wisdom.

[annabanana]

Congratulations on being pregnant
I just thought I might add my 2 cents worth as I can see your husbands point of view, as it is how I have raised my daughter. She is vegetarian but I decided I wasn't going to be fussed if she did eat a bit of meat at a party or something as when she was very young she didn't know which products were meat and what wasn't. (not to conform at all, just being fair to her)
Also, although my beliefs are very strong and I will tell her the way I feel about eating meat, I have also told her it is her choice what she eats.

Anyway. now she is seven and wants to be vegan.
She has grown up with an awareness of animal suffering without it being forced upon her.

It is something you and your husband will have to sort out, but don't worry about it too much as these things normally just sort themselves out anyway.

[cem90611]

Thank you annabanana.

[Korn]

Wow. What a long post.



^ That last phrase contains quite a lot of wisdom.

I've removed the post now - not because it was too long, but because it was too short.


How to deal with partners (or parents) who are not veg*ns, how to deal with obstacles that may pop up when vegans kids go to school, looking at what is 'fanatic' and what's not, what 'dictating' is and how to give our kids the best possible start is such a huge topic - several topics, actually - it was a bit silly to comment all this on one page only, which is what I tried. I tried to be short, but the result was a poorly written forum post instead.

I know people sometimes write 'sorry for the long post' after having written a few paragraphs only... the online forum format seems to invite short messages, and some topics may be better off in a book, which easily could have a separate chapter about each of these topics.

[cem90611]

A book....maybe we could take all the posts, with each person's permission, and edit them into a book. The proceeds could go to animal rescue or some other worthy charity.

[xrodolfox]

A book is a great idea. Even without consensus, just having other veg*n parents and partners in on the discussion would be great. What would be ideal is if the whole thing had an accesible format. The only problem with boards is that people ALWAYS end up repeating the same discussion every few years because old people leave and new people with the same old questions pop up.

It woudl be ideal to just cover each subject by chapter and that way you don't have to repeat things again.

We'd of course have to mine the board, and most of all, help the board thrive. The board is alive unlike a book.