I've been physically attacked by a female farmer, I've witnessed grown men break down, I've broken down myself.
On one occasion, I had just finished a cull. I went into the barn and then I heard something rustling. I looked up and saw a terrified calf in front of me.
The farmer begged me not to kill him, but I had to. I reported it to the vet and then I had to shoot him.
That calf haunts me every night.
Another time, I could tell a farmer was about to lose control, he was standing in front of me actually stroking a bumblebee.
I went over to him and suggested he go and get a cup of tea.
"Cup of tea?", he said to me. "I haven't eaten for three days".
Later that day, he put a shotgun to his head. I had to call the police to have him restrained.
'Not just tough guys'
Seeing the pictures on television has brought it all flooding back. I haven't been able to watch today. I can't even try to explain the suffering this is going to cause.
There would be eight or nine trailors piled high with sheep and cattle. It was my job to physically check them for signs of life.
Once I found a sheep that I knew was part of my cull from the night before. He had come back to life and been at the bottom of a pile of 300 carcasses.
People who say foot-and-mouth disease doesn't affect humans have no idea
People think slaughtermen are big tough guys, we're not. I'm 6ft 2in and 17 stone but I'm still human and I care.
The thing that hurts me most is that farmers were just begining to rebuild their lives.
The people who say foot-and-mouth disease doesn't affect humans have no idea what they are talking about.
It's ruined my life. I don't live anymore, I exist.'
Bookmarks