How can I help with this awful situ.?

[auntierozzi]

When my children (aged 4 and 5) went back to school on Monday we learnt that the parents of one of the little boys at school had been in a head on collision on the road we take to go to school. His mum was killed and the dad has been in a coma ever since. Everybody is so sad..
Both sets of Gparents have come to look after the 3 children in the family. The kids are aged 4, 6 and 9. I offered practical help with the children. Tomorrow morning I'm going on a trip to the bakers with my 4 year old's class and one of the Gmas from that family is coming. I wondered if anybody could help me to know how to talk to her to be supportive or whether or not to say anything.

[cobweb]

oh that is awful

i s'pose i would try and offer my condolences (even if it's a bit awkward) and repeat again your offer of help. Maybe give her your phone number/details written down in advance to show that you are serious about the help.

Poor little boy

[harpy]

How sad

I would make a specific offer of help, e.g. "Would you like me to have your grandchildren over one day next week?" - that can work better than more general offers as it shows you mean business and saves them the trouble of thinking up something you could do.

Also you could tell the grandma that you've been thinking about them all - it may not mean much, but it still helps.

[cobweb]

good thinking Harpy

[mjnewbould]

harpy's idea is wonderful. i do think that you did ought to say something to them - as Harpy says. i think that people who have had awful thing happen to them seem usually to want something to be said - something like Harpy suggests. One of my school frinds lost both her parents suddenly one weekend - they both died of different natural causes. She describes how hurt she was when people didn't acknowledge what had happened and in fact went out of their way to avoid talking to her.

[Healthy]

That story is heartbreaking

[cedarblue]

I would make a specific offer of help, e.g. "Would you like me to have your grandchildren over one day next week?" - that can work better than more general offers as it shows you mean business and saves them the trouble of thinking up something you could do.

what a dreadful situ auntie! i agree with harpy's comments, something specific is more likely to be taken up rather than leaving it too general and sometimes the other party isn't really sure whether you mean it and so never asks for any help.

maybe even present them with a cake or pie or something just to show you've been thinking of them in a practical way?

[auntierozzi]

Thanks for your good advice. Everybody is hoping so badly that the dad will pull through. My children can't believe that somebody young could die and the little boy knows what has happened but just doesn't believe it. Thanks for your support, my heart feels so heavy.

[Cherry]

That's so terrible It sounds like you'll do a good job Auntie.

[auntierozzi]

I'll try. The teachers have been really good at explaining things gently to the children.

[RedWellies]

How terrible! It's good that you want to help out and support the family.

I agree with Harpy's advice too (she's so wise!). One thing I do know about sudden death is that people get offered a lot of help and support for a few days/weeks but then that can tail off, so keep offering even after weeks have passed.

[puffin]

That is so awful.
I also agree with harpy, some people dont like to ask once someone has offered help.
Your a lovely person Auntie.

[sandra]

What an awful situation...........that poor wee boy.
I'm sure you will handle things with sensitivity, it will be a comfort to the family to know you are there for them. xx

[auntierozzi]

Thanks Puffin and Sandra you are both lovely too. The dad is conscious and coming to terms with everything. For now the Gmas are keeping the family going and Redwellies, you are right, the dad is really going to need our help later on when he's coping on his own. I will try and offer concrete help for him.
The school are organizing for a psy. to come and talk to the children and parents. Today I heard one 4 year old saying "Your mum's dead isn't she?" to the little boy. Hopefully we can help our kids to know how he's feeling, at 4 they just tell it how it is..
Anyway, thanks for letting me tell you about it.