Scared of failing

[fiamma]

Hmm, I really didn't know where to post this; mods please feel free to move it!

My post relates to judo, but I guess to life in general, and I'd really appreciate any input anyone can give. I went for my first judo lesson before Xmas, and really liked it. They taught me this basic fall, but despite doing it over and over, I really wasn't getting it.

Now I have my suit - my judogi - and really want to go back, but am petrified I will never get that fall right, and will never progress, that they'll all think I'm terrible and that it'll just be a ridiculous, pathtic situation.

How can I get over this hurdle? Please help, because it's literally chewing me up inside.

Thanks.

[Sarabi]

Just go to practice! I have been practicing Aikido for just over a year and a half, and man do I suck at rolling. It took me longer than anyone else to learn how to roll properly, and I still am not great at it. I was embarrassed many times, but now that I've got it down somewhat, I don't care. The important thing is to just keep at it. No one was mean to me or anything. The embarrassment was all in my head. Yeah, I have crummy coordination with most of my body, but I really wanted to learn Aikido. Anyone can learn. It's not like dancing where they might expect you to get it down pretty fast. You're not trying to show off or get anything perfect right away. You're just trying to learn. And people will probably respect you more for being dedicated, ultimately, than for being a fast learner.

You might find you have other strengths anyway, which will distract you from your weaknesses. But even if not, just think of the immense benefits you will gain by overcoming weaknesses!

One of my favorite benefits from Aikido, other than the joy of practicing, is that it improves my meditation and my ability to relax in cold weather. Surely you'll find something like this in judo.

[herbwormwood]

Hmm, I really didn't know where to post this; mods please feel free to move it!

My post relates to judo, but I guess to life in general, and I'd really appreciate any input anyone can give. I went for my first judo lesson before Xmas, and really liked it. They taught me this basic fall, but despite doing it over and over, I really wasn't getting it.

Now I have my suit - my judogi - and really want to go back, but am petrified I will never get that fall right, and will never progress, that they'll all think I'm terrible and that it'll just be a ridiculous, pathtic situation.

How can I get over this hurdle? Please help, because it's literally chewing me up inside.

Thanks.

Never done Judo but I have done some Tai Chi (which is also a martial art) at a mixed ability class. When I say mixed ability there were complete beginners like me and some advanced students who were actually using these sword- type sticks and at some point in the class the teachers separated us into 2 groups, advanced and not so advanced, and we did different moves.
I was amazed how difficult it was... but I think if I had persisted I would have made progress.
Maybe you didn't appreciate that what looks so easy is actually extremely hard.
You don't learn to drive when you first get into the car, it takes lots of lessons.
You don't learn to speak another language when you first try either.
So I suggest if you still feel these doubts, you need to appreciate that Judo is a difficult discipline to master, you have to keep practicing, keep going to the class, keep asking the instructor to show you, and keep building your confidence. Confidence is the key, and mental training.
Every single person in your class started where you are starting, no one got a Matrix Program!

[herbwormwood]

Also did you know there is something called motor memory, which is how your brain remembers how to do movements, like walking, swimming, writing, etc. Motor memory can only be learned by doing it.

[Sarabi]

Also did you know there is something called motor memory, which is how your brain remembers how to do movements, like walking, swimming, writing, etc. Motor memory can only be learned by doing it.

Yeah. Learning to roll or take a fall is like learning to walk. Babies fall all the time while learning to walk. Be like a baby!

[VeganMonkey]

I expect all you need is more practice but bear in mind that different people have different strengths. In my yoga class I used to feel bad that there were things that some people seem to find really easy that I couldn't do but then I noticed that some things I find really easy, other people seem to struggle with.
If you enjoyed it and the people were welcoming, you should definately go back and just try not to worry. I don't know about you, but I always worry too much about what other people think and the chances are that they don't even notice things that I spend hours worrying about!

[fiamma]

Thank you all for your kind words, but if this hurdle was a case of "just going", I'd be there already. I just don't know how to un-convince myself that I'll never be any good.

Thanks anyway.

[1gentlemaorispirit]

I've been doing Aikido since I was 8 years old. It took me months before I could block with my arms. The reason for this was simple, I was so afraid of being hit in the face that I would cower and strink down. My teacher very patiently worked with me to deal with this.

Talk to your Sensei s/he will understand your fears, as they will have taught many students with fears similar to yours. Rolling is a daunting prospect. Try and remember back to when you were little and would roll fearlessly down a hill with your friends. Breathe, relax and trust in yourself. You can do it!

[terem]

Thank you all for your kind words, but if this hurdle was a case of "just going", I'd be there already. I just don't know how to un-convince myself that I'll never be any good.

Thanks anyway.

You don't have to un-convince yourself of anything. Maybe you won't be any good, but at least you would have tried right? You said that you really want to go back, so must enjoy it. Go to practice and enjoy it, enjoy being bad at it, who cares right? You're doing it for yourself and not others.
No doubt there are going to be others in the class who are beginners like yourself. The others who have posted weren't very good at their arts when they first started either. You can't expect to be good at something right away.

I say, go to practice and fail, but have a good time doing it, and eventually with more practice you will get better. Just have fun failing in the meantime.

[Ruby Rose]

You just have to cut yourself some slack, honey - and get some perspective. You're not going because you are the world High Grand Master Judo-er (or whatever). They're not begging you to come and give an exhibition of the finest judo moves to the others. And you're not going to get three six.ohs from the judges, finishing with a flourish, a triple back somersault and an Olympic gold medal. You're going because you enjoy it. It's only a local bloody judo class. If you were that crap, they'd have taken you to one side on the first day and suggested you might be better off with the tiddlywinks class. Now get over yourself and get on with it. Love ya! RR xx

[Sarabi]

Thank you all for your kind words, but if this hurdle was a case of "just going", I'd be there already. I just don't know how to un-convince myself that I'll never be any good.

Thanks anyway.

That's unrealistic. Everyone can learn martial arts, unless you have some unsurpassable mental or physical impediment that you are well aware of. And fear doesn't count. Unless you can articulate to me what that impediment is, I doubt it exists.

[treaclemine]

I don't train to be good at it ... I train because the training itself is rewarding, and might help me be a bit less bad at it ...

[Sarabi]

I don't train to be good at it ... I train because the training itself is rewarding, and might help me be a bit less bad at it ...

Amen! I mean, I might think often in my practice of wanting to be good or wanting to be at some attainable goal... but I don't keep returning to practice to be "good" at it. I don't know if I will be practicing Aikido in 5 years. And I don't know if I'll be able to protect myself just because I've practiced it for years. Those are things I would like, those are motivations. But really, I just enjoy doing it and learning, each step of the way.

I think that martial arts can be very intimate, in the way you get to know your practice partners and your own self... it's different from other settings. You can get to know each other's weaknesses and strengths by playing with them, by helping each other, etc... at least, this is my experience with Aikido. My instructor is always telling me, "Your very shy, more than most people," or "You need to wake up. Come on. Wake up!" or "You do this because you're scared," or "You've got this down, you're very good at relaxing in this way, but now you need to work on this."

You're always being challenged in a very intimate way.

[imblissful]

Ah! Martial Arts my absolute favorite subject.

I teach Tae Kwon Do, but our instructors are encouraged to learn all styles of martial art. We do a little Judo in our classes, and there are several students that take months to get a roll down pat, and there are others who still can't get it right, but love the class.

Your instructor would be thrilled to see you again for a number of reasons:
It is nice to teach someone who doesn't quite get it and watch them when they finally do get it.
You want to be there, which makes the instructor want to teach you.
You probably are paying for class. We all love money.

When you next attend class ask if one of the higher ranking students can take you aside and help you. May be getting instruction from a different person will help you get it.

It took me 4 years to be able to properly tie my belt, so don't get disappointed we all have our failings.

[Sarabi]

You probably are paying for class. We all love money.

If my instructor told me that, I wouldn't come back. In fact, my instructor gets paid nothing for teaching me, and I adore him.

I'll tell you something... as President of my university's Aikikai (Aikido club), I am really frustrated that no one comes back to practice. People come once or thrice, and then they're gone. Or they come for a semester, and then they're gone. NO ONE IS DEDICATED. I hate that. I hate people promising to do things and never doing them. And I don't like expending a huge amount of effort to recruit people. Maybe I shouldn't be President. But whatever the case is, people want you to return to practice. They don't care if you're scared, they don't care how much you mess up. They just want you to return to practice; everyone wants to see commitment. Pur şi simplu.

[whalespace]

Breakfalling can be painful, even on soft tatami [mats]; I can understand how the sensation would put people off. Also the whole falling over thing is counter intuitive, and is naturally avoided...therefore a definite psychological barrier...even before considering the very strange social setting.
My approach to learning or teaching falls, rolls, or [fast and forcefull dance moves] would be to build from what you know. In this case you could just roll over repeatedly... you will soon feel your way to a comfortable technique. If rolling over is too involved, then one could lie on one's back, put arms around knees, tuck chin to chest, and just rock backwards and forwards from shoulder to heels. There are usually a few minutes on the mats before my judo class starts, one can get a lot of rolling about in three minutes. I have rolled about forwards, backwards, sideways [sideways is quite thrilling...just over and over, stretched out long with fists and elbows protecting chest], sprung, cartwheeled in this gap, but one should remain mindfull of the other players.

If your village green is clear of hazardous debris, then there are loads of things you could do to gain motor confidence and ability. Do not attempt break falls on the village green. Cartwheels [or anything approaching the idea of a cartwheel], running on all fours [beats the crap out of boring, difficult press ups for arm strength], hand stands, british bulldog, tig [tag?], rolling about. Remember to warm up properly.
Judo can get very technical...and often does not flow very 'entertainingly'.

Have you seen capoeira ?... there are stacks of examples on you tube. I went to a class recently. It is mostly non contact, and best of all, there is music:smile:.


As for progression... there is a heck of a lot more to the judo schema than competition grading. I wonder what it is that you think you will not be any good at?

P.S. Technically judo is an olympic wrestling sport, not a martial art.

[everdream]

When I used to do judo, I was the same. I hated the beginning of each session because we always started with the rolls. I always ended up hurting myself.

[Pilaf]

I find inspiration in these lyrics.

[penhaligon]

Don't be so hard on yourself!

Ive been taking muay thai for a couple of months now, and my body hooks and uppercuts were pretty awful. Whenever I made a mistake, I'd instantly roll my eyes or cringe at it. But my instructor (and friend) told me to stop punishing myself for it. I'm still learning! We all are! Punishing yourself for mistakes is completely useless, everyone has to start out somewhere. I'd always be embarassed about running, or doing weights with people that were so much fitter and healthier than me, before they told me that of course they had started out exactly like me. The only difference between us was time and effort.

Judo is meant to be great fun, I hope you do continue with it!

And tell us all about your future lessons! (=

[cedarblue]

i'm constantly scared of failing - which unfortunately stops me doing many things.

[cobweb]

i'm constantly scared of failing - which unfortunately stops me doing many things.

Ditto - but i'm trying to work on it with baby steps, e.g meeting new people which i find hard, going back to my studies........i have concluded that i'm never going to reach dizzying heights of success

[Jiffy]

When I used to do judo, I was the same. I hated the beginning of each session because we always started with the rolls. I always ended up hurting myself.

Should you be snacking at the start of the session?

IGMC

[puca]

Hmm, I really didn't know where to post this; mods please feel free to move it!

My post relates to judo, but I guess to life in general, and I'd really appreciate any input anyone can give. I went for my first judo lesson before Xmas, and really liked it. They taught me this basic fall, but despite doing it over and over, I really wasn't getting it.

RE life in general:

If you don't go for it, you will definately not get where you want to be...

If you go for it and work for it, there is a chance you can get where you want to be.

If you go for it and fall at the hurdle, look at where you went wrong and learn for next time. Sometimes, the mistakes we make equip us well for the future.

Sorry if I'm saying the obvious... I really don't have much advice on judo in specific, but I hope it works out.

[vava]

Any chance of getting a private lesson at home Fiamma? That may be a way back in.....

[Roxy]

I find inspiration in these lyrics.

Not really my type of music, but I do like the lyrics.

[vava]

fear of failing is worse than failing....

[fiamma]

Wow... so much good advice everybody, thank you all so so much
It's taken me months, but I've decided that I am being ridiculous, and I will be going back in September when classes start once more.

So thank you all again, you wise, wise people. Actually I'm going to list you all individually, 'cos you all Rock My World

(Sorry if I've missed anyone...)

Sarabi
Herbwormwood
VeganMonkey
Gentlemaorispirit
terem
RubyRose
treaclemine
imblissful
whalespace
everdream
Pilaf
penhaligon
cedarblue
cobweb
Jiffy
vava
puca
Roxy