Sorry if this is long, I just need some reassurance and all the people on here seem so nice...
I've had a few issues with food over the past year or so, not an eating disorder as such, I've just been over concerned with healthy eating to the point where it was beginning to damage my health.
I used to weigh 7.5-8 stone (I'm 5 foot tall) which I think is healthy, I had quite a nice figure, needed to tone up a bit but apart from that it was good. Last year when I was travelling adn walking loads and probably eating less due to the lack of vegan things around I lost a bit went down to 7 stone and thought my body was absolutely perfect, I was really happy with it.
Anyway then I started reading more about raw food and healthy eating in general and it really became important to me to be careful with what I put into my body, not overeat, do all I can to put good things into me. And I really jumed into the raw thing and was high raw from January until a few weeks back. Half the time I felt pretty good, but I also had digestive issues, energy ups and downs, and I just became obsessed with what I was eating. I think it was partly that I was eating so little, i would have a smoothie and a couple of salads most days but really didnt have the appetite for anything more. I read so many contradictions on nutrition, high/low fruit/fat and was so overwhelmed with the amount of things that were bad for me I was scared to eat anything. This, mixed with my bad digestion, gas and stomachaches, brought me to a point a couple of weeks back where I felt so miserable, I felt like it couldnt be after such a short amount of time that my body had adjusted so much it couldnt tolerate anything. I wanted to know that if I wanted to have a veggie burger and chips (not that I actually have any desire to) it wouldnt make me feel like I was dying. Also cooked food was really appealing to me, not junk food but nice wholesome things like warming soups and rice and baked potatoes. My weight since January has gone down to 6 stone, at times I looked emaciated at other times just skinny (I'm not sure if that was my perception or just dependent on how much I was eating at the time)
So (and this took a lot of wrestling with my mind) I bought some cold pressed olive oil (I'd been avoiding oils because theyre not 'natural') and oats, and made some salads that were more than just lettuce and tomatoes, and had afew cooked meals like baked potatoes and a raw curry with rice. When I ate heavier food my digestion actually felt a lot smoother and I felt better.
Anyway i went to a naturopath who said I needed to eat warming and cooked foods to ground me and help my digestion (aparantly you need a strong digestive system to eat so much raw veggies), and to cut down on the fruits and get lots of healthy fats and proteins. So now I'm eating a diet of whole grains, nuts, seeds, veggies, a little bit of fruit (mainly bananas at the moment), and...was going to add cooked legumes but I've had stomach cramps the 2 times I've eaten lentils and the time I had chick peas this year so think I might have an intolerance or something. But anyway I make almost everythign I eat from scratch, don't fry anything or cook oils, use hardly any processed ingredients (I have tamari, tahini and miso all of which I was a bit wary about buying but LOVE, and some rice noodles to put in noodle soup which actually dont do much for me so I'm sticking to the whole grains in their natural state from now on). I really like eating this way, knowing exactly what goes into my body and I don't actually believe cooked food is poisonous anymore because of how much more grounded and happy I feel since bringing some of it back into my life.
The problem is even though I *know* this food is all nutritious and good for me I still worry I'm somehow doing it wrong and would be better off eating a different way. I worry I'm eating too many grains, too much fat, too little fat, too much, too little...I just worry that I'm not eating right in general. I made myself some chocolate treats to take to work this week, they're made from ground up nuts and seeds, cacao butter and powder, and a banana mashed up with cacao powder for icing. Theyre in the freezer right now and look wonderful and full of nutritious healthy fats but I'm already thinking maybe they're too fatty or high calorie and I shouldnt really eat them. I made potato chips with cold pressed olive oil in my dehydrator, so there was nothing bad about them but I still felt like I was eating something junky when I had them and felt guilty.
When I think about all the processed things people eat it makes me realise how healthy my diet is (and restricted lol) but anything will make me think I'm getting it wrong. I think I'm partly getting used to eating so much more denser and heavier foods, it makes me think I'll get really fat, but no one got fat from eating nuts seeds and brown rice, right?
I just need some reassurance that there is nothing wrong with my diet and I should just eat and enjoy it and my body will regulate itself to a nice healthy weight and image because I'm filling it with nice wholesome things.
Oh yeah since about 2 weeks ago I've put on a pound and my boobs have got a bit rounder (I think) but my stomach is still really flat which I'm happy about...that has to be a good sign right?
Anyway sorry for rambling on, I really want a healthy relationship with food and eating and just need someone to tell me how well I'm doing...
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