HELP! Busy Omni step-mom to strict vegan

[clayhead]

My husband's nine year old son was raised by his bio-mom to be an incredibly strict vegan. In the past, due to extreme long-distance, we've only had custody for one month each summer. Recently his bio-mom passed away from cancer and we suddenly have full custody. We live in Alaska...both my husband and I are omnivores.

This situation is causing me a huge amount of stress. He is very particular about the foods he will/won't eat, and only likes certain brand names for things like soy cheese, tomato soup, etc. Everything has to be organic as well. The food is incredibly expensive for us, compared to what we're used to buying.

His bio-mom was a stay-at-home-mom and she spent a lot of time shopping and cooking complicated meals for him. My husband and I both have demanding jobs and don't have the time to dedicate to that kind of food production, especially since we're usually cooking two meals each day, one for him and one for us.

Things he eats now:

Potato Power (a combo of white potatoes, yams, sweet potatoes mixed with rice milk, soy mozzarella and Earth Balance)

Peanut butter sandwich on OroWheat Winter Wheat bread

Imagine's Tomato Soup

Murins Organic tomato paste on brown rice pasta

Mac n cheese made from the soy mozzarella and quinoa pasta shells

He will eat some nuts (almonds, pistachios, cashews)

Fritos

Amy's Organic non-fat vegetable soup

coconut flakes

corn on the cob

calcium and D fortified orange juice

That's about it. I've read some information about the number of calories a nine-year old boy needs, including daily allowances of different nutrients...but it's hard to tell if he's getting what he needs from this small selection of foods plus I think he's getting tired of the limited repertoire.

He won't eat
beans or many other fruits or veggies or anything made from "Fake" soy meats (tofurkey or veggie burgers)

What would help me unbelievably (if such a thing exists) would be a website or book that lists sample, kid-friendly daily menu suggestions for vegan children that don't include a lot of complicated recipes.

It would have a sample menu for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks that if followed, would assure a child (of a specific age range) would have all their daily calories, fat, vitamin B-12, calcium, protein, etc.

Ideally, these foods would be relatively simple to make (or pre-packaged) and not 10 times more expensive than their generic versions.

Does such a heavenly resource exist or am I dreaming?

Many thanks in advance!

[everdream]

If I may ask, why is so fussy about brands? With many things, there is little difference. I can understand with soy cheese though...

And also, I think organic is a complete con and farce. If you wouldn't usually buy organic, I don't think you should buy it if your budget doesn't allow it, I find there is no taste difference usually.

There is a blog / book called vegan lunch box (google it), which is about creating yummy, nutritious vegan foods for (usually) kids.

[sandra]

Hi Clayhead,
It sounds as if your step son is just a very fussy eater. I don't think it has much to do with him being vegan. There are lots of lovely, simple meals he can eat that don't take a lot of time to prepare and don't cost the earth.
My two (grown up) children are vegan like myself, and just eat normal, everyday food that anyone can eat............potatoes, vegetables, rice, pasta, fruit etc!
Would he eat baked potato with his soy cheese and red onion with a lovely fresh mixed salad, for example?
or pasta and a delicious tomato and basil sauce?
Or maybe a lovely stir-fry with wheat noodles, mushrooms, baby sweetcorn, onions, peppers, carrot and soy sauce?

If he won't eat these things then I don't think the problem is that he's vegan, rather that, as I said, he is a fussy eater. Of course this doesn't help you, but at least you know that you are not alone with having a child who is a fussy eater...............there are a lot of them out there.

I think if you can persevere with him and try and get him to experiment a little with what he will eat then things should get a lot easier. Start off by making him his favourite food and then make variations on that so he can see that there are other nice things out there he can eat.

If you would like anymore recipe ideas I'll be happy to pass some on if you pm me!

[Windfall]

http://shmooedfood.blogspot.com/

plenty of gorgeous wholesome food here, kid-friendly too. I make things from there all the time! Good luck!

[AnneCE]

I think it is brilliant that you are doing your best to respect his veganism and find out as much as possible about it.

I wonder if he wants to stick to certain brands and not try new stuff is because it reminds him of his mother? In time, he may expand his range of food?

As for cooking two different meals, why not cook a vegan meal for everyone once or twice a week?

Do you know any vegans nearby who might help with local information, as well as their kids being potential friends for your stepson? Eating with others is often a great way of trying new food and might help make things a little bit less stressful for him.

[Sluggie]

Wow. It must be really hard to suddenly acquire a 9 year old son, especially one with scary dietary requirements, and who has suffered such a major bereavement. It's probably going to be really challenging for all of you.

Please don't stress out too much about his diet. The list you give above actually doesn't sound too bad compared with diets of most 9 year olds! It would be nice if you could get some green vegetables into him (maybe puree some up into that tomato paste?) but it won't kill him to go without. He will probably get less fussy as he matures - most kids do. There are vitamin supplements available for vegans that might put your mind at rest about B12 etc.

I think the most important thing for you as a family (regarding food) is to avoid turning it into a battle ground. Try to avoid letting him see how much anxiety it is causing you, or you may find that he uses his diet as a way to manipulate you or to assert his power within the household.

The book and the website recommended by the others are both really good. If you buy the book and leave it lying around where he will see it, he may decide for himself that he'd like to try some of the things in it - maybe even prepare them himself.

Best of luck.

[pavotrouge]

First of all, it's amazing that you're taking care of the boy and are thinking so much about his dietary needs!

I wonder how much is still involved in dealing with his mother's death and how far this influences his food choices. So being picky about food might not actually be about the food/brands themselves.

You said that is biological mum spent lots of time cooking elaborate vegan meals for him. The food items that you've mentioned he eats don't really sound like that but more like a vegan version of the SAD.

Cooking healthy vegan foods doesn't take forever.
I wouldn't worry too much about his vitamins and such as kids go through phases when they don't eat much of a variety, but eventually the body craves things it needs.

[Charlotte]

If he gets bored of what he's eating he'll probably try new stuff of his own accord. He might be sticking to food that comforts him and expand his diet in time.

I'd second the idea of making a vegan meal a couple of times a week for everyone, invite him to help prepare it.

Buying expensive food items in bulk works out cheaper in the long run, ask healthfood stores if they'll do this for you.

Well done for supporting your step son's diet and moral beliefs. He might not realise it now but I think in future he'll be grateful for that.

[imblissful]

How about letting your step son plan one meal a week for the whole family? He may use his old stand by's the first few times, but after a while he may start getting creative.

I would have him make up a grocery list and take him with shopping, making it his job to pick out his food. Seeing all the other options out there might get him to thinking.

As a mother to an omni, a vegetarian, a wife to an omni and being vegan myself I find it is easiest to cook the main part of the meal vegan (spaghetti, lets say), then let the others cook their part seperate. So my hubby will cook up some ground meat to top his and my sons spaghetti. I will make up garlic bread and a salad. This makes it very easy, and when my hubby cooks he does the same.

A trick I have heard other mothers do: When you purchase a product that is not what the kids want (generic cheerios IE regular cheerios), take it out of the box imediately and put it in a container, so the kids don't know they are eating the generic version. I wonder if you could purchase regular items and pawn them off as organic.