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Thread: Humorous vegan top tips

  1. #1

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    Default Humorous vegan top tips

    This thread is for light-hearted vegan top tips - no seriousness allowed .

    I'll start by saying you can never have enough soy sauce in your cupboard.

    And it's always best to cut up your debit card before entering a health food store...

    Next?

  2. #2
    DavidT's Avatar
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    Vegan cannibal here: I'm off to Scandinavia to top up on my supply of Swedes!
    "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine" - Abraham Lincoln

  3. #3

    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    Top Tip: When you have 4 bags of 'just in case' chickpeas in the cupboard, it's time to stop.
    Quitting something because it's hard is wrong, and quitting something because it's wrong is hard. One takes cowardice, the other bravery.

  4. #4
    *live*&*let*live
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    BOGOF offers when they are still there a year later uneaten, unloved, pass their sell-by and sat in the cupboard *sniff*
    Seems they weren't such a 'bargain' after all..

  5. #5
    DavidT's Avatar
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    When we were moving vegan-wards, the woman who for some reason married me quipped we'd soon be making food 'without any ingredients'.
    "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine" - Abraham Lincoln

  6. #6
    leedsveg
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    Quote DavidT View Post
    When we were moving vegan-wards, the woman who for some reason married me quipped we'd soon be making food 'without any ingredients'.
    Was this in a vegan hospital?

    lv

  7. #7
    DavidT's Avatar
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    Grrr. 8)
    "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine" - Abraham Lincoln

  8. #8
    leedsveg
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    My top vegan tip would be as follows:

    You have bought an item of food, and mid-way through eating it, vague doubts begin to arise that it may not in fact be vegan. (You had checked the wrapper but the 20+ ingredients were written in tiny letters in 20+ languages.) My tip is, before you check the ingredients again, swallow the mouthful you are eating. Nothing worse than spraying a mouthful of food out, especially when company is present.

    leedsveg (Awaiting vegans sat in Ivory Towers, telling him how immoral, wrong etc this tip is)

  9. #9
    DavidT's Avatar
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    Be careful when swimming in muesli. You might get caught by a strong currant and drown.
    "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine" - Abraham Lincoln

  10. #10
    *live*&*let*live
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    to the blinkin pair of you, you mad pair of idjits!

    *but funny all the same*

  11. #11

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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    Seaweed is just wrong. (Apart from nori - nori ROCKS!!!)

  12. #12

    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    I thought Fiamma just misspelled hummous in the title. How wrong I was.
    "cake is a good tool for the revolution!!!" - saycheezly

  13. #13

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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    Top Tip: Always carry an Emergency Flapjack on your inside jacket pocket in case of surprise cake cravings.


    (this sounds like I made it up, but I have actually done this, especially when I ws just starting out being vegan....xD)

  14. #14
    leedsveg
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    Quote fiamma View Post
    Seaweed is just wrong. (Apart from nori - nori ROCKS!!!)
    Hi fiamma

    You ever had bladder wrack? And did you go to your doctor/pharmacist....?

    leedsveg

  15. #15
    Cake Fairy Cherry's Avatar
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    Penhaligan - that is indeed a good tip Nakd bars would be good too.

    I recently went to a family reunion, and my Dad and sister had been worrying about what I was going to eat and whether we'd have to nip out to pizza express. They came to the conclusion in the end that vegans never travel without emergency supplies, and rather embarrassingly, I proved them right by turning up with a box of hummous sandwiches. Ah well.

  16. #16
    DavidT's Avatar
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    There's a rumour going round the internet that it's possible to get swine flu from tinned pork.

    It could just be spam.
    "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine" - Abraham Lincoln

  17. #17

    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    hahaha, that one's great!
    "cake is a good tool for the revolution!!!" - saycheezly

  18. #18
    *live*&*let*live
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    Got that one as a text joke. U should see the one I got today about the swine flu jab OMG and it's not very funny either. Dirty pic

  19. #19
    Stu
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    Quote matt35mm View Post
    I thought Fiamma just misspelled hummous in the title. How wrong I was.
    Don't you mean houmous?

  20. #20

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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    Crikey, I meant to write hummus.

  21. #21

    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    Oh Stu, I never mean anything.
    "cake is a good tool for the revolution!!!" - saycheezly

  22. #22
    pat sommer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    Make peace with the vegetables of your childhood nightmares: they will likely as not appear as the only vegan option at a social occasion. Mmm pickled beetroot.

    ...and Leedsveg, you'll be waiting a long time for any vegan in an ivory tower
    (tortoiseshell more my thing)
    the only animal ingredient in my food is cat hair

  23. #23
    Stu
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    Quote matt35mm View Post
    Oh Stu, I never mean anything.
    Do you mean that?

  24. #24
    Stu
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    I'll stop now.

  25. #25
    leedsveg
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    Quote pat sommer View Post
    ...and Leedsveg, you'll be waiting a long time for any vegan in an ivory tower
    (tortoiseshell more my thing)
    Hi PS

    Only metaphorical ivory towers so no animals injured during construction. No stairs either as residents are beamed in to the top of their respective towers, from planet Zarg.

    To change the subject, can I ask how long you are in China for and what you are doing there? (Sorry if you've already answered this on the forum.)

    leedsveg

  26. #26
    Daffodil's Avatar
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    Quote fiamma View Post

    And it's always best to cut up your debit card before entering a health food store...

    Next?

    that is SOOOO true! lol. i pop in for some soya milk and end up with 6 carrier bags! haha.

  27. #27
    pat sommer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    Here as a homeschooling mum with my partner's software company Schmap.com until we sell. (not holding my breath)
    the only animal ingredient in my food is cat hair

  28. #28
    Fervent vegan DiaShel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    Before entering a social situation with new people, take 5 minutes alone in the car to mentally prepare for all the typical stupid questions you'll get. Never be caught off guard!
    "To reduce suffering means to reduce the amount of ignorance, the basic affliction with us." -Thich Nhat Hanh

  29. #29

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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    ^ Soooo true, DiaShel!! Yesterday I got "I love meat and fish, I just don't want to know anything about where it comes from." It makes me sad

    When that strange, exotic ingredient is on sale with 90% off, there's a reason for it.

    Generally speaking, the desire to eat that bizarre, exotic vegan ingredient lurking in your cupboard is inversely proportional to the length of time it's been in there.

  30. #30

    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    - If wearing a veg*n message shirt/badge/patch/etc. be prepared to answer a million & one questions about it.

    - never run out of Marmite (or preferably another brand of yeast extract that isn't owned by some big evil corporation).

    - If you're new to all this, get used to your family & friends assuming it's 'just a phase'. My phase has now lasted 25 years, & my mother is still waiting for it to end.

    - If you're being dragged out to eat at a fairly non-veg-friendly place, eat before you go. No, seriously, eat before you go. It's amazing how grumpy you can get at the end of a four-course salad.

  31. #31
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    [QUOTE]
    Quote fiamma View Post
    ^ Soooo true, DiaShel!! Yesterday I got "I love meat and fish, I just don't want to know anything about where it comes from." It makes me sad
    THAT drives me nuts!! It really does, or 'I'm an animal lover but I eat them'....AAAgh!

    Quote karlinda View Post
    -
    - If you're being dragged out to eat at a fairly non-veg-friendly place, eat before you go. No, seriously, eat before you go. It's amazing how grumpy you can get at the end of a four-course salad.

  32. #32
    Fervent vegan DiaShel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    When you get to work, pass out a detailed description of what you will be eating for lunch including ingredient lists and where you bought everything. If they have any questions they can get it out of the way early so you eat in peace come noon time.
    "To reduce suffering means to reduce the amount of ignorance, the basic affliction with us." -Thich Nhat Hanh

  33. #33
    *live*&*let*live
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    ^ that's a good one, fortunately I normally eat on my own (as predominately I work alone) but I know what you mean. People show sooo much interest and then don't want to eat it themselves

    *apart from my ex-manager and friend who like a star has been taking bagels and hoummus to work for weeks now!*
    (every little helps!)

  34. #34
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    Vegan tip: You buy yourself something super-duper yummy and don't want your omni family to consume it all (you are being selfish and want to eat it all). Just make the following announcement, "These Newman's Own cookies are vegan! Wow I didn't know they were vegan, did you know that they are vegan", because everyone knows that vegan food is wierd and normal people won't eat it.

    Vegan tip: If it has more than 10 ingredients just put it back on the shelf.

    Vegan tip: If you can't pronounce half of the ingredients just put it back.

    Vegan tip: If someone is trying to start a debate with you, smile and ignore them.
    Cows milk for baby cows, Human milk for baby humans.

  35. #35
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    Default Re: Humorous vegan top tips

    Quote penhaligon View Post
    Top Tip: Always carry an Emergency Flapjack on your inside jacket pocket in case of surprise cake cravings.


    (this sounds like I made it up, but I have actually done this, especially when I ws just starting out being vegan....xD)
    I did this on Saturday when I went to my friend's wedding!!!

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