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Thread: Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

  1. #1

    Default Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

    We're hoping to adopt soon, & intend to do attachment parenting with our child. We'd love to make contact with any vegan families who are already raising their kids this way.

    (If you're wondering what attachment parenting is, here's the summary from the API website:

    The long-range vision of Attachment Parenting is to raise children who will become adults with a highly developed capacity for empathy and connection. It eliminates violence as a means for raising children, and ultimately helps to prevent violence in society as a whole.

    The essence of Attachment Parenting is about forming and nurturing strong connections between parents and their children. Attachment Parenting challenges us as parents to treat our children with kindness, respect and dignity, and to model in our interactions with them the way we'd like them to interact with others.)
    British vegans living in sunny SoCal, trying to start our family through open adoption.

  2. #2
    Milk Donor Mommal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

    Yes right here!! We breastfeed, babywear, co-sleep, and practice gentle discipline. Also, though not technically AP-related, we cloth diaper part-time and I will be homeschooling the children.
    "The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it." -- Flannery O'Connor

  3. #3

    Default Re: Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

    Hi, Mommal. Somehow I thought you might.

    We'll be using cloth diapers most of the time (probably not while traveling!), but we're thinking of giving Elimination Communication a go too. (Even if it only saves us one diaper change a day, it'll be worth it!)

    Have you had much opposition from friends & family to AP?
    British vegans living in sunny SoCal, trying to start our family through open adoption.

  4. #4
    Milk Donor Mommal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

    That's what I do-- I cloth diaper at home but if we're running long errands or traveling I use sposies.

    Can't say that I've had any opposition. The grandparents are not the type who fear "baby spoiling" or anything ridiculous like that. Both my mother and DHs mother were breastfeeders back in the days when virtually no one did it. My mother really likes to use the sling with my son whenever possible. I've also surrounded myself with a lot of like-minded mothers from La Leche League. Lots of APers there. Sometimes there are also babywearing groups kicking around.

    Do you think you will be supported in your decisions?
    "The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it." -- Flannery O'Connor

  5. #5

    Default Re: Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

    We raised the most excellent and now 18 year old BassPixie in this way, we just thought it was what you did. It's not rocket science (which I gather isn't all it's cracked up to be either). Trust your instincts.
    ..but what would they do with all the cows?..

  6. #6
    cobweb
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    Default Re: Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

    i wish every parent did it.
    i breastfed my son for the first year, used a baby sling a lot, sometimes slept with him in my bed, if not always had the cot/cradle right next to me.
    i had LOADS of opposition from my parents who told me i was doing everything wrong - they still believe that babies should be left to cry as it 'strengthens character'
    i suspect they blame my parenting for his autism actually.

    actually the saddest thing is that i eventually tried smacking my son on the advice of my mother, when he was showing 'behavioural problems' (which i now know were autism!). It almost broke my heart, and his, too, i deeply, deeply regret that incident . My mother still maintains that the highest acheivers are the ones who were hit as children. Probably why i have a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder .

    Three cheers for all non violent, nurturing parents .

  7. #7

    Default Re: Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

    Quote Mommal View Post
    I've also surrounded myself with a lot of like-minded mothers from La Leche League. Lots of APers there. Sometimes there are also babywearing groups kicking around.
    That's a good idea. I should contact the LLL anyway - I'm sure I'll need their help with the breastfeeding at some point, & it'll be nice to meet other mothers there. Hadn't thought about trying to find a babywearing group either. Thanks, Mommal.

    I'm sure most of our friends and family will be supportive (or just won't notice/care either way. Most of them are back in the UK afterall), and those that aren't will soon learn that we're going to be doing things our way.
    British vegans living in sunny SoCal, trying to start our family through open adoption.

  8. #8

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    Default Re: Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

    The only opposition we've felt is due to the co-sleeping. But I just quote McKenna and tell them it's really none of their business! LOL

    I did EC with my second baby, and it worked great, until he learned to walk, and then he promptly ran away from the potty and took the longest by far to potty learn--age 4 1/4--Ack! Just a coincidence I'm sure though. Otherwise we use cloth diapers, but sometimes use sposies at night during hot weather or when on a vacation of more than a few days.
    We don't cosleep more than the first year, but baby still sleeps near us until ready to sleep with their siblings.
    mama to Ryan (7), AJ (6), Nate (3), Maia (1), all born at home.

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    Default Re: Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

    We are very much attachment parenting, or otherwise what I like to call just instinctual parenting. I co-sleep, breastfeed and babywear everywhere. We use 100% biodegradable nappies and little lambs bamboo and microfibre nappies too. Only real opposition i've had was from a silly woman who thought i should place my baby in her car seat instead of wearing her whilst she was asleep otherwise I would 'spoil' her. I was trying to explain to her that you can never 'spoil' a baby well unless you use Cry it out method and not listen to your baby's needs. Then yes that would spoil her emotional wellbeing. But anyway, she went on about how even doctors and other health professionals tell us that it's ok to do this. She went on and on until my dad interjected, 'she knows what she's doing, she's a midwife'. She changed the subject immediately haha.

  10. #10
    Blueberry's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

    Quote horselesspaul View Post
    We raised the most excellent and now 18 year old BassPixie in this way, we just thought it was what you did. It's not rocket science (which I gather isn't all it's cracked up to be either). Trust your instincts.
    I'd never heard of Attachment Parenting until today - I too just did it naturally.

    Quote bellybuddha View Post
    We are very much attachment parenting, or otherwise what I like to call just instinctual parenting. I co-sleep, breastfeed and babywear everywhere.
    I agree - I think this quote from the API website " Attachment Parenting isn't new. In many ways, it is a return to the instinctual behaviors of our ancestors." should be more like "it is recognizing the instincts within yourself". We have the instincts - we just have to have the confidence to obey them.

    My eldest daughter couldn't tolerate breastmilk and didn't feed for almost two weeks, before being placed on soya formula. However, when I fed her I maintained eye contact with her at all times and kept her as close to the breast as possible. She slept in my bed until she was three. We used a sling and I did all my houseowrk when she was in it! She is 21 now, has moved out and my family call her Limpet as I never get a moment's peace - she is very close to me. My second was successfully breast fed, slept with me, is now 12 and tells me EVERYTHING... she is amazing, very close to me and loves us very much. My son is nine, he was the same, breast fed, sling, but wouldn't sleep with me. From around five days old, he just slept better on his back in a cot. It was the only way! So we took the side off the cot and pushed it next to my bed. If he woke in the night he just wanted me to touch his hand and he'd go back to sleep. Bliss!

    All three are uber confident children and very intelligent. My middle daughter was in reception at 3.5 years, as the nursery was inadequate. The school suggested she do her nursery in reception class, and stayed that way until the High School admissions problem... another story!
    Nothing will benefit human health and increase chances for survival of life on Earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet. ~Albert Einstein

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    Can't cook. Sarah_'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

    Attachment parenting seems odd to me. Isn't that just how you're supposed to raise a kid?
    Either this wallpaper goes, or I do.

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    Blueberry's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

    Quote Sarah_ View Post
    Attachment parenting seems odd to me. Isn't that just how you're supposed to raise a kid?
    Yep... not rocket science is it? Even if someone is adopting, it's because they have love to give and share, so if any parent, biological or not, cuddles a baby and makes it feel secure, then they can't go wrong!

    Having said that, my sister did the opposite to me - she breastfed all five of hers but practised separation with the first two. They went to bed at 8 and that's where they stayed till morning! Crying it out - used to break my heart. Things changed with number three, who is disabled and then she had twins and she lives in a tiny house so the younger three all share her room now! And she is a much happier mummy than she was before.
    Nothing will benefit human health and increase chances for survival of life on Earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet. ~Albert Einstein

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    Can't cook. Sarah_'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

    Man, I don't even like kids and I'm scared of being a parent because I'm afraid of doing a bad job, but I feel like if they have to give a name to the obvious way to raise a child then it can't be as hard as I thought. Good luck Karlinda, you shall be raising a healthy and well-adjusted child!
    Either this wallpaper goes, or I do.

  14. #14

    Default Re: Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

    My son is now 10. He is a bit of a momma's boy from attachment parenting..hehe. He is a very good boy and so sweet. He got excited about having his own bed and transitioned very nicely. I didn't force the matter on him..he was just ready one day. I look at all these people carting their babies around in strollers and car seats (when not in the car)..and I think of those moments of closeness lost. I see now that he is 10 what all that has done for him and I am so happy I do Attachment Parenting.

    Also for those who are going to adopt. I have seen amazing things happen with bonding. My mother was in her mid 40's and breast fed an adopted infant. And my son's Dad is not his bio dad and they have bonded so well..it's like he is biologically his. These things I had my doubts about until I saw them for myself.

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    Default Re: Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

    Quote Sarah_ View Post
    Attachment parenting seems odd to me. Isn't that just how you're supposed to raise a kid?
    My feelings exactly. We just did what felt natural. Did not feel right to let my infants sleep alone in the next room, so they slept with me. We just followed our instincts with everything. Did not feel right to go to work and hand my babies over to someone else to take care of them. I obeyed my instincts.. we obeyed our instincts. I've been home with my kids since they were born and although the term "attachment parenting" is new to me, it describes exactly what we've been doing since day 1. My daughter is almost 7 and my son is 3. We are home schooling, and they are the happiest, healthiest, most self-confident, out-going, empathic, sensitive, amazing children. They just shine, and they are advanced in so many ways for their age. I'd love to meet some like-minded people! I really feel alone in my beliefs... so hard to find other families who share our values when it comes to parenting. When they find out we are vegan to boot.. wow! Might as well be living on another planet!

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    Can't cook. Sarah_'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

    Wait, just so I'm clear...by practicing attachment parenting, you're not supposed to use strollers or send the kid to public school?
    Either this wallpaper goes, or I do.

  17. #17
    cobweb
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    Default Re: Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

    Quote Sarah_ View Post
    Wait, just so I'm clear...by practicing attachment parenting, you're not supposed to use strollers or send the kid to public school?
    ha-ha.
    I actually find the term 'attachment parenting' really offensive and elitist. It makes it sound like some sort of clever concept exempting parents who obviously aren't atall 'attached' to their children because they're considered 'mainstream' or whatever.

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    twinkle toes's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

    i'm glad everybody seems to agree here, that 'attachment parenting' is what ought to come naturally :/ my partner is signed up to all sorts of mums forums where people talk about attachment parenting and gina ford and parenting techniques etc etc etc and it does my head in a bit to be honest! our 6 month year old daughter sleeps in our bed and we never leave her to cry and it just baffles me that this is a trendy parenting style :/ the way i see it, twinkle toes junior never asked to be brought into this world so why would i leave her crying in bed while mum and dad watch tv or do the dishes or whatever you're supposed to get on with while you ignore your screaming child

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    Default Re: Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

    I have practiced A/P with my daughter and plan to as well with my next (whenever I am lucky enough to stay preggo!) My step-daughter was NOT raised this way. Her mom worked very often, didn't feel the need to cuddle and often had her in her bouncer or stroller. She has a lot of attachment issues (hence the name I suppose!) and at the age of 5 has a lot of issues my 3 y/o doesn't, many of which we attribute now to insecure attachments with others. I find it SO SAD that attachment parenting, aka PARENTING, isn't the norm!

    When I brought my daughter home from the hospital as a single mom, I lived with my mom, and she was absolutely flabbergasted that I never put her down and she never cried. I also did the cloth diapering, breastfed until she weaned herself at 16 months, and co-slept

    I find it odd that i still have to refer to it as attachment parenting, because others still look at me like I'm nuts, especially with the cloth diapering and co-sleeping! My daughter's father (we were never married) takes a very different approach and has a horrible bond with her. She doesn't respond well to conventional discipline and instead she thrives, of course, with positive discipline. And I think is probably the main difference (in my opinion obviously) between those who practice a/p and those who don't. Regardless of the bond present from nurturing at birth, it has to be reinforced as the child grows and the bond needs to deepen. Physical harm and anger impede that in a huge way!

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    Default Re: Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

    I'd never heard of the term until reading this thread but it's always what I've planned on doing if I ever end up having kids, it always just seemed like the logical thing to do. Also conventional (negative) discipline always seemed so strange to me, it's a child that the parent has basically forced into existence and thus if the parent ever feels frustrated or angry they should take it out on themselves not on the child veiled as discipline.

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    Default Re: Anyone here practising Attachment Parenting?

    I raised both my boys this way. we co-slept with both boys pretty much the day they came home. They had a bassinet but we never used it (total waste of money for those that got it for me at the baby shower, they did not listen when we said we did not need them.) we breastfed, we did not let them CIO. I made their baby food and I even carried them around everywhere that was really the only way to get the oldest to sleep during the day.

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