Parent feedback and support

[erininak]

Hello all! I am new to this forum, but I have been a vegetarian/vegan for a decade. I am so glad I found this forum!

Here is my dilemma. I have a 1-year-old son, and he has been on an animal-free diet since birth. His height and weight are both appropriate (22 pounds and 30 inches) and he is absolutely developmentally appropriate. He eats a really varied and awesome diet (far better than most of the other toddlers we know).

His doctor is a naturopath, and I love her because she completely supports our decisions not to circumcise and not to vaccinate. However, she is definitely anti-vegetarian. At Dylan's 1-year checkup she essentially confronted me and stated that a vegan diet for children is harmful and that I was doing damage to his brain and eyes by not feeding him meat. I don't know what happened, but I panicked.

*Guilt* I went to the store and bought the salmon and tilapia that she suggested, and promptly fed it to him that night. Then, my brain reconnected and I started thinking about all the nutrition information I have about my lifestyle.

So, I just really want to hear from other parents who have raised healthy, happy children on a vegan diet. I was so confident, and then all that came crashing down. I think new mommy guilt has a lot to do with it. I want to do the best thing for my son, and I really felt (and still do feel) that a vegan diet is. I am just confused, sad, disappointed in myself.... the list goes on.

Help!!!!!

[Est]

Hi there! I'm not a vegan parent but we have a subforum for vegan parents with lots of helpful threads (located in the 'Everything Else' part of the forum).

Also there is a thread here http://www.veganforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=24162 that has useful info from the American Dietetic Association.

You'll find lots of support on here

[erininak]

Thank you so much! I tried to poke around and find something like that, but I must have missed it. I am headed there right now...

[Marrers]

I'm sure some of the parents will be here shortly to offer some support but I just wanted to say what an awful experience, you poor thing.
(I know Dr Michael Klapper has written some good books on bringing up vegan kids - I imagine you have read the books before now if your son is a year old but maybe it's time to dig them out and re-read them to reassure yourself.)

[erininak]

Thank you so much for your support. It really was awful. I left feeling like my baby was sickly and unhealthy, and that I was responsible for hurting him somehow. As I have had a couple of days to calm down, I look at him and see nothing but a perfectly health baby. I just can't believe how insane I went! I am definitely going to be rereading my books, and probably getting some new ones too so that I can be further armed and prepared in the future. I am also asking around to find a veggie friendly doctor we can switch too.

What blows my mind is that I have a lot of nutritional knowledge (lots of reading and 10 years of veggie experience), and I felt like an ignorant, silly person in that moment

[Sluggie]

There are plenty of people on this forum who have raised perfectly healthy children on a vegan diet. Some doctors can be shockingly ignorant about nutrition. I was once told off by a doctor for breastfeeding my 6 month old son - he said breast milk "goes off" after 6 months.

Don't worry about it - you had a little wobble, but it's no biggie. Don't let your doctor knock your confidence. I'm sure you're doing a great job.

[harpy]

Hello - perhaps your doc was thinking about omega 3 oils which some people think are important for the brain? You might want to look into veg sources of that if you haven't already (but I expect you have) - see for example http://www.vegsoc.org/info/omega3.html - then you will be able to blind the doc with science next time the question comes up

[erininak]

I think she must have been. She referenced that and protein. It just kills me because I pride myself on being informed about this, and I just sat there and turned into a blithering idiot! I had a do-over, I would tell her that both he and I take a vegetarian DHA supplement and that our protein requirements are more than met... but I didn't Sigh. I am just so disappointed with my reaction to all of it. I guess I can just chalk it up to a learning experience.

[kokopelli]

Dear erininak, I have 3 children now aged 24, 21 and 17 who are all life vegans. They are also all highly intelligent and have not suffered any brain damage /retardation from lack of animal produce. Their eyesight is fine and none of them need glasses. They have not been harmed in any way by their vegan diet, to my knowledge. I didn't actually know about omega-3 when they were little, but I did worry about protein, calcium, iron and B12 and I made sure they got plenty in their natural diet. I suppose there must have been enough omega-3 in breast milk and then the nuts etc. they ate / continue to eat!

However, I know just what you've been going through! It's appalling the amount of ill-informed pressure health professionals feel empowered to bring to bear on vegan mothers. It makes it worse that usually relatives will agree with the doctor, rather than supporting you. Don't worry that you've succumbed, but please be reassured that your doctor is certainly wrong! It is perfectly possible to raise healthy children on 100% vegan diet. As you realise, protein requirements are easily met!

[cookey]

I have also raised my children vegan/vegatarian and they are fine.
Doctors are meant to base their opinions on evidence and research. As I have mentioned on here many times, all the NHS dieticians I have spoken to are fine with a vegan diet.
If your doctor is challenging your childs diet then I would ask
a) what qualifications they have that makes it appropriate for them to give this advice
b) what research and evidence they are basing this opinion on.

[Penny]

Erininak, I raised two vegan children - my son was vegetarian till the age of three and then vegan since then and my daughter has been vegan since birth. They're now aged 24 and 20 and are on this forum as Darmok the Green and Book Girl. As you'll see from their photos, they're still alive and well and with all their faculties! Their brains are fine, too!
Penny
Blog: svh2.wordpress.com

[harpy]

I guess I can just chalk it up to a learning experience.

Yes I think it's very natural to panic when someone accuses you of putting your child at risk! Sounds as if you will be prepared if she tries it again As others have pointed out, doctors are often not that well-informed about nutrition unfortunately.

[xrodolfox]

My son just turned 6, and my daughter will be 4 in two months. Both vegan since before conception. PM me if you want support. Basically, your doctor is 100% wrong.

[erininak]

Thank you all so much for your support and encouraging words. I really feel bolstered about my decision... and I dare say that my confidence is returning! The gal that taught a vegan cooking class I took recently gave me a recommendation for a vegan friendly/informed family practice doctor, so I think I may go check her out.

I can't tell you enough how thankful I am to have found this forum and this kind of support! You guys rule!

[kokopelli]

I would definitely check out the vegan-friendly doctor, she sounds like gold dust!

[shellymi2nv]

Yet another mom chiming in that you can raise your baby up to be a VERY healthy, VERY hungry vegan 15 year old human garbage disposal son.

[erininak]

Yet another mom chiming in that you can raise your baby up to be a VERY healthy, VERY hungry vegan 15 year old human garbage disposal son.

This just made me smile like crazy!

[veganf]

So sorry you had to deal with that! You must have felt so attacked by this doctor (an MD? or just a naturopath?) that you had previously trusted. I would personally find a new doc asap.

We also do not circ or vax, and when we changed docs from our first crunchier pediatrician to our current one, I was just very sure to be firm about what was NOT up for discussion.

And I have 4 children who have been vegan since conception, breastfed, and the first 3 are boys and all have been above average in height and two in weight, one average, and the girl is on the lower size in weight but normal height. All are healthy, happy, normal vegan kids. I have a blog all about feeding them to prove it.

[erininak]

Veganf: We were using a naturopath, and I really did like her a lot... but you hit it exactly right with feeling attacked. It shook my confidence like crazy. I am hoping to find a doctor who can support me (or at least be open minded). I would love to visit your blog!

On a bummer note, the hits just keep coming. My husband (an omni) confronted me last night and said that he agrees with the doctor and that Dylan should be eating meat, fish at the very least. It sucked. Then, I couldn't get an appointment with the doctor I wanted because they said that she is not taking new patients right now. They gave me an appointment with one of the other pediatricians at the practice for next Tuesday. So, I am kind of hoping for the best and expecting the worst. Just feeling ridiculously isolated in all this right now

[veganf]

I was fortunate to have been veg and then vegan for long enough to preface any relationship and possibility of children with the expectation that they would be raised on a vegan diet. I even put it in our prenup agreement!

My husband is omni as well, though he no longer eats red meat and eats entirely vegan at home. He had very high cholesterol, and the doc was threatening meds but was willing to recheck him in 3 months to see if he could lower it at all himself--I put him on a crash vegan low fat diet and in 10 weeks his levels were normal!

Over the years various family have been skeptical, but I just continue to model good eating and show off our healthy smart kids and I guess the proof is in the pudding so to speak. They no longer say a word, and some of them have even started eating closer to a vegan diet.

It must be very hard not to have any support within your family, and then not to be supported by your medical care providers must be doubly troublesome. I really hope you are able to come across a doctor more open to the gentler vegan lifestyle. You are absolutely doing the best for your son. Even if he decides not to remain vegan later in his life, you have given him such a head start in good health.

Here's my blog: http://disposableaardvarksinc.blogspot.com/
But I also have links to other vegan family blogs in the sidebar.
And there are numerous vegan websites and forums out there. Maybe someone else has more suggestions about how to find a veg-friendly pediatrician, naturopath, or holisitic family doctor.

And there are so many great books about vegan diets turning around serious diseases, as well as cookbooks dedicated to healthy veg cooking for children and vegan families. I hope some of your family could at least be convinced that your diet is adequate, even if they won't admit it it's superior.

Also, do you have any local veg or vegan support groups or playgroups or a vegan society chapter that you could join or get information from? Maybe they could at least recommend a doctor or hook you up with other local veg parents.

- Krista

[erininak]

Krista- Thank you so much for the link to your blog. I am excited for the end of this month because I am planning to attend my first vegan society potluck, and I here that it is a pretty awesome group of folks. I am hoping that it will me the extra support right now.

It just bums me out. I feel so passionately about this, and I do believe fully that is the moral and healthy route... I just wish I didn't have to believe this alone I am so glad to have found this forum so that I can talk to other like-minded folks!

[harpy]

Erin, do you know why people have started bothering you about this? You said your son was doing fine so it seems a bit odd that it's come up now. I could understand it if he had some problem as people are often quick to blame all sorts of things on being vegan

Hope you get some moral support from the potluck people!

[erininak]

I have no idea, which makes it even more frustrating! I look at my son and see an absolutely healthy little guy! He has literally never been sick. He has a full head of hair, a huge vocabulary, and energy that Olympians would envy! I think the doctor is just really pro meat, and I think she got my husband all freaked out about "depriving him of fat and protein."

We only see the doctor every 3-4 months, and I think before now there wasn't much talk of food because he was mostly breastfed. I think now that he is starting to eat table food, it is all of a sudden an issue.

It kills me because Dylan's cousin is 2, and he lives off of a steady diet of Pop Tarts, cake and cookies, french fries, and frozen kids meals. Yet, no one ever attacks his mom about his diet. I know that Dylan's diet is healthier and more protein and nutrient rich than his by a mile, but I still get attacked for it because it does not include unncecessary animal products!

This whole experience has been such an eye opener...

[harpy]

Yes, I can see how your husband could have been temporarily rattled by what the doctor said. Maybe you will meet some other families through the potluck who can help you set his mind at rest? I suppose being vegan is still relatively rare so not many people come across lifelong vegans by chance, if you see what I mean.

On the other hand plenty of people have seen that children can survive (for a while anyway!) on a diet of omnivorous junk food so they don't worry about that so much

[erininak]

I think so. He tends to be such a worrier (not unlike me). I am so looking forward to the potluck and hanging out with some other veggies!

Currently, I am getting so much confidence by surfing vegan family blogs on blogspot. I love seeing the pictures of beautiful, radiant vegan children and chunky vegan babies!

My in-laws kill me, because they are constantly on my case about Dylan's nutritrion... while their kids are sitting at their feet eating a Happy Meal and a bag of mini oreos! What in the world?....

[erininak]

Ooh! In other more positive news, the hubby has agreed to read some of my copious reading material on raising vegan families. I really feel like seeing the factual information rather than my 2nd hand description of it will help.

Onward and upward!

[harpy]

Excellent!

[erininak]

Okay! I just got back from meeting with the new pediatrician, and I think this will be a good fit! She was very impressed with Dylan's diet and the attention to protein and healthy fat, and she remarked that he is a very healthy and smart little guy. She said that she has no concerns about his diet and can tell that I take his nutrition very seriously. This is such a different feeling from the last pedi who made me feel as though Dylan was sickly and unhealthy...

Yay!!!!!

[Est]

Well thank goodness for that! I've been feeling quite annoyed on your behalf about the last one! Nice to have some 'official' recognition - maybe this will help to silence the family?

[erininak]

I love having other people to feel my angst! I agree! It was nice to walk away from there knowing that a doctor is on my side that I am giving my son a perfectly healthy start in life! I think this will help my husband's worry wart mind as well.

[harpy]

Ah! That definitely sounds like a good move; hope your husband will be suitably impressed.

[veganf]

So glad to hear you've already found a better doctor!!

[Marrers]

Great news Erin. I feel so sorry for vegans who come across this sort of attitude with health professionals they can't change easily or at all.

[glovesforfoxes]

It's funny because the NHS' position on vegan diets is that they can be nutritionally adequate:

It’s possible to eat a healthy, balanced diet without meat and fish, or without any animal products at all.

http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/Goodfood/...getarians.aspx

Glad to hear people are off your case, erininak It's discouraging when medical professionals aren't supportive when you're clearly trying very hard to ensure your kid has a good diet!