Okay... So I've been invited to a dinner party, hosted by the professor of my feminist theory class. She knows I'm vegan, and mentioned she's making a chili that I'll be able to eat, and I'm also planning on making vegan cheesecake squares and maybe a Caribbean rice with tofu "chicken", so I'm not at all worried about there being food I can eat.
Rather, I'm a bit nervous because since going vegan, my feelings about the injustice of animal exploitation have grown very strong. When I was vegetarian I was very casual about all of it; people would ask if I minded their eating meat in front of me and I couldn't understand why it would bother me. I can't make sense of it now... I guess I made the choice to go veggie and then always nominally thought of myself as someone who stood up for animals, even though it wasn't a real part of my life, my psychology, etc. It's strange.
In any case, now it bothers me to see people eating meat, etc. To hear them talking about how delicious their victims' flesh is... When I was visiting relatives out West, a couple of times I avoided being around them while they were eating. I can take it, but I don't like it. I'm willing to take it for this dinner party, but I'm worried about several things. If my veganism comes up as a topic of discussion, these seem to be my options:
(1) I can discuss my real feelings on the issue, and run the risk of offending people
or
(2) I can hold back more, and then feel miserable that I didn't say enough
I know nearly everyone would stress that if you're invited to someone's house, you should be polite, etc. Part of me sees the reason in that, that it would be mean to spoil people's fun, etc. And I honestly can't see myself doing that, not in that kind of setting, where I'm on my own essentially (no one to support me). But there's this big part of me that's waking up (is how I would put it) to the fact that keeping social interactions pleasant is way lower on the list of priorities than waking people up to the daily realities of farm animals' lives. I'm not sure if it will in fact play out this way, but I'm worried that I might have to choose between being polite and pleasant enough vs. upholding my moral principles and defending those who are oppressed. If it comes down to that - it might not - which will I choose? If I choose to not say something where I should, I'll leave depressed, disappointed in myself for not making the right choice. If I choose defending the oppressed, I don't know... Maybe it will be rewarding whether it goes well (positive response) or badly ("how dare you compare....?" etc.)? In my experience staying quiet just kills me; I'm the kind of person who has to stand up for what she believes in, and if I don't, I pay for it later, in guilt, in disempowerment, depression, etc.
*** Just thought I would add here that I have my own ideas about how I can best advocate the cause - a style I wish more people would take on, and I think more people are taking on - and that in my opinion it's not entirely to consist of "happy vegan" advocacy. I do believe in leading by example, and that's it good for people to see we're happy and adjusted people, etc., but I think it's also crucial for people to see that this does affect us emotionally, that we take it seriously enough to fight for it / about it, that it matters. See this conversation for more details if interested:
http://www.veganforum.com/forums/sho...ht=#post666141
Will also add that I have class the day before (tomorrow, that is), and I think we're going to be reading our manifestos out loud. Mine is addressing the fact that feminists often talk about how it's crucial that we combat ALL oppression: not just sexism, but racism, classism, ageism, etc. Rarely is speciesism mentioned, and to me it's horrific to have these broad discussions about oppression that completely ignore that VAST majority of, and the most cruel, oppression that there is. So I will be addressing what happens to animals, the interconnections of human and animal rights, veganism, those sorts of things... So hopefully everyone will already know where I stand before Wednesday night.
But anyway, I just figured I'd start this thread, almost as a journal entry, to confess I'll be a bit nervous until this thing, as I'm rarely 100% comfortable in social settings, etc. I figured I'd also post this so people can offer up their opinions, too: what sorts of things do you guys do, say, etc. at non-vegan dinner parties, or with non-vegan friends in general? Have any of you figured out a way to balance adequately representing animal victims AND not spoiling a pleasant atmosphere? Any thoughts at all loosely related to these subjects is appreciated.
Bookmarks