I'm sat here crying

[Lilystein]

Just went and asked my mother if she would watch just a few minutes of a video. She agreed.
I put it on, it showed a conscious cow having it's throat slit in a slaughterhouse, she immediately turned away to walk off.
I said to her 'Why won't you watch it? You pay for it, you fund it' and she said no she doesn't and stormed off.
She lives off meat, all she ever eats is meat and dairy. She claims to love animals, she won't even admit to the horrific cruelty her diet causes.
How can these people, the people who created me, the people who tenderly nurse their sick pets, fund this?
I just want my parents to except the torture they pay for. Tomorrow is food shopping day and once again our trolley will be packed full of meat.
I'm not trying to force my beliefs on others, I just want my family to except responsibility for their actions.

I need a hug!

[Firestorm]

Well first things first {Hugs}

Most people (if not all) on this forum will understand how you feel. Once you've gone Vegan its so difficult to understand why others can't see the damage/harm/pain that their choices cause. The best advice that I can give is to be patient, I know how difficult that is but most people don't want to recognise the pain and suffering that they are causing (partly through guilt and many other reasons).
Very few people can just decide to make a large lifestyle change (which challenges most of their beliefs) unless they are ready - especially if they feel that they are being forced into it (please don't take that as an insult - I have been in this situation myself trying to convince my family to become Vegan so I know how you feel - and I'm still trying 4 years later), maybe you could give it a few weeks, try to introduce some Vegan foods into her diet/show her how well you eat and broach the subject again?

No matter what happens the best thing that I can advise is to make sure that you don't damage your relationship with your mother, and don't think badly of her - most Vegans were omnivores once and probably thought the same way that she does.

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Oh and don't forget, there are always people here to talk to when you need them

[Blueberries]

Heya lilystein, I'm sorry that you're upset . It is hard to accept that people won't admit that they have a part in cruelty.

Just went and asked my mother if she would watch just a few minutes of a video. She agreed. I put it on, it showed a conscious cow having it's throat slit in a slaughterhouse, she immediately turned away to walk off. I said to her 'Why won't you watch it? You pay for it, you fund it' and she said no she doesn't and stormed off.

I don't mean this in a bad way, I understand why you did it but this IMO was not the right way to go about introducing the topic of animal cruelty to your mother. It was sprung on her, she was frightened and defensive and wasn't going to be suceptable to the message.

She claims to love animals, she won't even admit to the horrific cruelty her diet cause. How can these people, the people who created me, the people who tenderly nurse their sick pets, fund this?

Because unfortunately this is the way the world is set up. Its not your parents' fault, they are not cruel, they are just products of the society they live in. I'm not saying that you shouldn't discuss animal issues with them but I do think that it can be done in a more positive way. When you get frustrated with them just remember that you were an omni once too.

[Clueless Git]

Your upset Lily, I'm frightened!

After a conversation with my father and sister on Sunday I'm halfway convinced that meat causes brain death and the Zombie apocalypse is nigh.


More seriously: Blueberries and Firestorm both gave wise advice. None of us (few at best) who are not 'from birth' veggies saw the light, as it were, the first time the light was shown?

Personaly I reckon showing that video was worth a shot. May have been a bit too much light to cast, without warning, onto a mind accustomed to the gloom though.

Worthwhile experiment. Learn. Move on.

[Robinwomb]

I don't have a whole lot to add to what the others have said, but here's a big hug from me too!

I was finally able to convince my Mom to go vegan after over a year of sharing my experience and cooking her great vegan food. What did it was showing her the movie "Forks Over Knives". The movie doesnt really advocate what veganism is truly about (in fact i am irritated at the "plant based diet" term in place of veganism), but it does touch on some of the health and environmental issues. Sadly, people are more likely to be influenced by something that will impact them directly and have a direct benefit for themselves that they can tangibly see than be influenced to change based on the impacts on environment and animals that may or may not impact them directly right at this moment. But the movie is a bit gentler and less graphic so it is not an immediate threat to the defenses. Once my Mom made up her mind, then I was able to share all kinds of literature and cookbooks and ethical arguments etc.

My husband on the otherhand is more stubborn to change and I have had to accept the fact that he is not going to change his ways any time soon. This means I have to deal with meat and other animal products in our kitchen (we keep our dishes and food separate and I have my own cookware), although he let me get rid of all the animal derived toiletries and fabrics etc around the house (except his clothes). After I threatened to leave him, he stopped with the vegan and animal jokes and has become more sensitive to my values and beliefs. I will compromise to live peacefully in our household, but I do not have to take direct insults you know? It is tough, knowing what we know now, to see people we love supporting a brutal industry and not seeing what we see. It took me 38 years to become vegan so I guess I should be a little more patient with others.

It's so great we have support places like this to come to isnt it?

[TarekF]

*Hug*

Thankfully we can all relate, so definitely vent if you ever need to. Being sensitive to the cruelties of the world is tough when most people either dont care or do not know about them. I when i first went vegetarian in highschool tried convincing my mom and brother, and have come to realize it is impossible for them. Friends of mine would be easier to convince. They are shut off to it 100%. They have each said they could do it. And my brother is intelligent and understands the arguments (in fact can argue the pro vegetarian case well) but will not for whatever reason think about his own habits. They both also think fish and chicken and milk and eggs are less cruel. Main rationalization is "would you kill a pig or a human first" to which, the last time he said it, i didn't even respond to, just rolled my eyes.

Fact is with them, they are so hateful of veganism from my dad an I being vegan and arguing with them about it, that i would be utterly shocked if they ever changed even to vegetarian.

In my experience it is a moot point that i dont push on them anymore, though i never push people anyway (leafleting in my opinion isn't really pushing, just offering info in a take it or leave it fashion).

I guess my advice is don't expect miracles (many times family is the most resistant and hateful about veganism), and be really patient. I have been vegetarian/vegan for nearly 6 years now and haven't converted a single person in my circle of friends. Most i have gotten is for people to try vegan food.

[Miss_Vegan]

Big hugs here too.

Lots of sound advice given here, and to be honest I am in a similar situation, as has been said I'm sure lots of us are. Once you know what you know, you can't in all good conscience go back to being part of the cycle. But in my experience, a lot of people don't want to know. I'm sure it isn't because they are being intentionally cruel, but maybe it's easier to not think about it. If we try too hard to change people, not only will they not thank us for it, but we may reinforce the stereotype about militant vegans. I know it's hard to see everyone around you blind to the suffering, and I wish I could give you some sort of answer. I admire your desire to want the people you love to understand and share your values, but maybe a more softly softly approach would be best to start with, maybe start with a discussion. I would like to add that I have been vegetarian for 6 years, vegan for 1, and no-one I know has any inclination of making that change. I don't try to change people, but I hope that they reach the same conclusion. I find the ones willing to talk to me about my veganism are the ones who just want an argument to try to make me look stupid, and have no intention of taking anything I say on board. It is disheartening, but all you can do is be a good example, show people you can thrive as a vegan.

Well, that's my two cents worth! I hope it makes sense. I also hope you are feeling a little better now. More hugs.

[bst]

I also live in a home full of meat eaters , they hate to hear the truth and u really have to trick them to watch a aimal cruelty video . My dream is to go in the fridge and see it meatless , but these people love meat so much it don,t have hope in that ever happening . One thing i do , when i smell flesh being cook or eating i go and tell them exactly where it came from and i really makes them know it.

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You are so right , most of us are in the same situation but one day people will learn through are example , we can change the world.

[Trish.thomp]

*Hugs*

You have some very wise and sensible comments here already. I just want to empathise. I too, live in a house full of meat eaters and as a foster carer I have limited time to explain to the children I care for, all about vegetarians and vegans. They are curious and I give a potted version of why I am vegan. I have four children, one has recently become vegan, the other three are meat eaters. I too was in that place of pulling a veil over the truth and I remember why, it was easier, simple as that! BUT, as a vegetarian for 30 years and a lapsed vegan, it niggled in the back of my mind for a long time, and sowing that little seed is the best way to show others a better way. I absolutely understand why you wanted to use the shock tactic you did, but it was a shock and that isn't always the best way to get someone on side. Slowly and patiently. Maybe ask if they would consider a vegan day once a week and you will cook for them. If they can't consider vegan, then vegetarian is a good first step. Take a step back and wait. In time they may start asking more questions, but they are not yet ready. I wish you well and send blessings to you all.

[Trish.thomp]

I have just ordered a vegan cookbook called Veganomicon ~The Ultimate Vegan Cookbook ~ it was recommended on here as awesome! You may already have it, some of the things in it look delicious. x

[VeganAutumn]

(((HUG))) Not everyone is awake yet. Not everyone can understand.
My parents always thought I was stupid.. eventually, my mom came around to feeding me without meat, but my whole family eats meat.
Now, sadly, even my husband has dropped the ball. I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND where you are coming from.
Drop me a line if you'd like to talk.

[watervoilet]

some people just cannot deal with the fact of the cruelty involved in eating meat so they would rather not know. Ignorance is bliss or so they say if they face up to the truth they have to do something and a lot of people do not like to change. I try to remember that i too was once ingnorant but it is hard to deal with all the same.

[Eileen Dover]

. c.

My husband on the otherhand is more stubborn to change and I have had to accept the fact that he is not going to change his ways any time soon. This means I have to deal with meat and other animal products in our kitchen (we keep our dishes and food separate and I have my own cookware), although he let me get rid of all the animal derived toiletries and fabrics etc around the house (except his clothes). After I threatened to leave him, he stopped with the vegan and animal jokes and has become more sensitive to my values and beliefs. I will compromise to live peacefully in our household, but I do not have to take direct insults you know? It is tough, knowing what we know now, to see people we love supporting a brutal industry and not seeing what we see.

I am compromising to live peacefully too and like you have eliminated the 'jokes' but I too am still allowing meat in the house.

I used to believe that gentle explaination and thoughtful discussion could lead to people understanding but in my case but no one is even prepared to engage in that conversation.

'Peaceful Vegan' I am begining to believe is a contradiction in terms. One of the biggest insults I received was to be complimented on being 'a likeable Vegan' because I didnt 'go on' about it like some Vegans.

No one listens whether you whisper or whether you shout your lungs out..the only difference is how loud they have to turn up the TV to block you out.

[Robinwomb]

Eileen,
I am sorry you have to live in a stressful situation also and encounter such hostility. It just amazes me how much hatred and indifference people have when we actually show some passion and commitment to a cause greater than ourselves.

[Clueless Git]

One thing i do , when i smell flesh being cook or eating i go and tell them exactly where it came from and i really makes them know it.

Lol!

You have a kindred spirit here on that front BST!

[Clueless Git]

'Peaceful Vegan' I am begining to believe is a contradiction in terms. One of the biggest insults I received was to be complimented on being 'a likeable Vegan' because I didnt 'go on' about it like some Vegans.

S'a bit like the Ku Klux Klan nominating you as their favourite equal human rights advocate, isn't it?

No one listens whether you whisper or whether you shout your lungs out..the only difference is how loud they have to turn up the TV to block you out.

People don't like to listen. They like to talk.

[Nathan John Pryke]

Consider now that you are a vegan, someone trying to convince you to eat meat, it seems like a foreign concept that doesn't make sense. That's probably how she feels. I remember about 6 months ago when i found out that most of the fruits i was eating are purposely picked unripened and that sickened me, i don't see how people can eat unripe fruit now.