This is sort of an odd topic, but I've been thinking about it so much today, I had to write a thread on it.
Both my boyfriend, Colin, and I have 1 older sibling (I have 6, but only 1 from both of my parents) and we both find ourselves frustrated with how their lives are going. They are seen by the parents as the "disappointing ones", you know what I mean. The "why can't they be more like you"s, though they try hard not to admit it. Though I don't like the fact that they are scrutinized because their lives aren't going how everyone else planned, we still worry about them because they are no where near as happy as they could be.
My brother is very, very unmotivated. He used to be very energetic and skinny and friendly (except for some off, mental periods mixed with bad anti-depressants). He never really had any friends and did poorly in school. He went to a state college and got a four-year degree in six years. He thought about graduate school after that, but never really went anywhere with that. Now he works at my dad's company part time for a "temorary" job. He's been working there for two years. He rarely goes to work. This past week, he went in two days, late. His boss told my dad that he wants to give him a full-time job, with insurance and paid vacation and all sorts of great benefits, though I don't know why. My dad told my brother this, and after a few minutes of silence, he said "eh."
Through all this time he ate horribly, gained tons of weight and I am so worried about his health. He sleeps ALL day, and does nothing but watch japanese kids shows like Power Rangers and Digimon. He eats nothing but frozen stuff like bad eggrolls, and my mom's cooking, always skipping the salads. I tell my mom she should stop buying all the junk food, and she says when she does, he buys it himself. He is getting very obese. In high school, he had a 28 inch waist. I don't know how much he weighs now, but I can guess around 250-300 pounds. This added with the facts that he gets no physical activity and eats horribly, he's going to have some serious health problems by the time he's 30, and I am so scared for him.
My father gets so mad at him. He's suggested (as I have) that maybe they should force him to move out so he will be forced to do more, but my mom hates that idea, since she knows he has no way of supporting himself. I would also be scared that if they did something drastic, he might dive into a bad depression, and perhaps do something horrible. He is also one of the most intelligent people I know. My IQ is 147, and I don't know how high his is, but it's at least a few points greater than mine. He was always into engineering, and had the greatest mind suited for complicated physics. His potential is so amazing, but he doesn't realize it.
Though I had a horrible childhood with him (horrible fights and beatings due to mental instability and dangerous combinations of medications), we get along now and I love him so much, but feel completely helpless.
Colin's sister is 23 and live with her boyfriend in a small house behind his mother's house. Neither of them are employed, so they are always low on money. They have alot of friends, and used to do alot of drugs with them. I don't know if they do so much anymore, but getting drunk is still a very common activity, and she has turned into a chain smoker, with hand rolled no-filter cigarettes. Ever since she moved out after high-school, she's had a sh*tload of health problems; spasms from medication and booze, bladder infections, chest colds, she's getting sick all the time. She's a really smart girl. Like everyone in her family, she has a high IQ, and used to read all the time. Now she hangs out with high-school dropout who, she admits, can't hold an intelligent conversation. Every time we visit her, you can hear in her voice how she craves intellectual stimulation. She loves it when her brother visits, and hates the constant dull of her environment.
Though she has such a great mind, she doesn't seem to have any motivation to do anything. Her philosophy is that life is short, so you should live it with as much joy and meaning as possible. Her meaning of those things, though, doesn't include building towards anything, just being in the moment with no planning. They have no consideration for the future, and seem quite content to live off of his mother forever. She's not even in a good state. She doesn't have alot of money, and they live in a pretty crummy area. She's diabetic and with tons of health problems, and I don't think she has a job right now. I can see why her boyfriend doesn't want to move away, because he wants to stay close to support his mother, but they aren't doing anything to help her.
She hasn't had a job in years, and doesn't try to get one. Her parents bought her an awesome old pickup truck that she loved so she could get a job. She let her unliscenced boyfriend drive it, when they specifically said he couldn't drive it (she was on their insurance), and he drove it and side-swiped a city bus. That truck is now sitting in our driveway. Her dad even has an old Honda that he's told her he would give her if he could trust she wouldn't let her boyfriend drive it and she would try to get a job. She didn't seem very interested in that deal.
Her dad's brought up the idea of her moving in here with us. I think that would be great, and think that ANY change in environment could really help her reevaluate her life, but special accomodations would have to be made for her boyfriend and their dogs, plus she doesn't want to live in a place she can't to whatever she wants and smoke inside, etc. Colin really loves his sister, and knows how amazing she is, but has no idea of how to make her see it.
I like her boyfriend, and think he's really good to her, but I think the chances of her going in any different direction are slim as long as she's with her. He's very content to never challenge himself or go for what he wants. She has very low self-esteem, and tends to go with whatever is around her. I think this keeps her from thinking wanting more than she has is okay. She does stay busy with little projects from time to time, like making little windchimes or something, but mostly she's absolved in her little subworld of whatever is going on in her friends' lives.
Anyway, both of these people are going through similar things, and we just feel so sad for them, because they always seem to be in this permanent glaze that never lets them get too happy. What do you do when people you love seem to be throwing their lives away because they don't view themselves as important enough to deserve something good? What do you do when they are seemingly contented with a below-par life, when you know in the past this is not what they wanted, and theye xpressed ideals much higher than what they are living. It just reminds me of people in abusive relationships, except the people holding them down is themselves.
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