I'm destined for a life of takeout! aka Bad Cooking Experiences!

[Wishin986]

I started this thread for those of us who are not as skilled in the kitchen and area of domesticity like myself.

i tried to make a choc. chip cookie cake today for my sorority thing for freshman who are vegans. but i dont have a measuring cup. so i added wayyy too much oil. so much in fact that the cake boiled. oh and then i went to touch the texture and the cookie burnt my finger right away. as in i know have a big while blister on my finger. yes. from a cookie. that is how skilled i am in the kitchen!!

take out or restaurants for the rest of my life? yes please, i think ill need it. if i make enough money maybe ill hire a chef or something. ha.

[terra]

hahahah - wishin'... i wish I could be there to help you out!

I have a super easy cake recipe if you'd like to give it a go... i NEVER use measuring cups either.. i just wing it and it turns out pretty good everytime...

[maya]

My non vegan friend who has no business in the kitchen made macaroni and cheese but did not drain the macaroni when she boiled it. She was asking me why is this so soupy? I told her you have to drain the water and she said but it does not say that on the box. She needs help! LoL!

[terra]

hahaha! this is a funny thread....

[maya]

Yeah pretty funny right. When I first started cooking I did some pretty dumb stuff myself. I use to burn stuff a lot. My non vegan dad once put a whole egg in the micro. It sounded like a gun shot. BOOM! What a god awful smell.

hahaha! this is a funny thread....

[Cherry]

Hello

If I'm feeling really lazy and in desperate need of cake I do
2 mugs of flour
1/2 mug of sugar - maybe a splodge more
1 tsp baking powder
Few tablespoons of cocoa
1/3 cup of oil
2/3 cup of water/soya milk
Vanilla essence

Always turns out OK! Not quite a chocolate cookie cake though - sounds nice.

Talking of culinary disasters, my sister's friend at school tried to make soup without taking the wrapper off the stock cube, and without peeling or chopping her vegetables!!! My sister stayed behind with her after school to fix it, and then she dropped her flask of newly made soup on the way home!

[puffin]

Lol to the egg and flask.
The most funny story i can tell is about my mum. I remember she spent a whole day trying to make a sponge cake. About 5 attempts later she began to lose her temper because they just wouldnt rise. She pick her last attemp up, opened the back door and threw it onto the patio. It bounced about 4 times before coming to a stop in the hedge I am glad i wasnt made to try any of them.

[Wishin986]

oh another time me and my friend were making cookies and we put the margarine thingy in the microwave - but it was foil so had metal and all - and caught on fire!! her mom came in and saw the flame as we were just staring at it in shock and was like what are you doing?!?! and quickly opened the microwave and put it out. lol.

[maya]

Thats great! LOL! Good thing no one was standing out there.

Lol to the egg and flask.
The most funny story i can tell is about my mum. I remember she spent a whole day trying to make a sponge cake. About 5 attempts later she began to lose her temper because they just wouldnt rise. She pick her last attemp up, opened the back door and threw it onto the patio. It bounced about 4 times before coming to a stop in the hedge I am glad i wasnt made to try any of them.

[Cherry]

LOL at bouncing sponge and micro-shock!!

(And helloooo Puffin )

[Mystic]

LOL!!!! This thread is making me laugh

Hmmm...I am known to not know how to bake, even with a measuring cup. I manage to destroy everything. That is why I never attempt to bake cakes or cookies.

[Cherry]

Must tell you about my mum's christmas cake - not as funny as the bouncing sponge but still funny

We asked what on earth had happened to it, and it turned out that it had been taking a long time to cook (as they do) so she had got impatient and put it in the top oven of the aga (very very hot). It had burnt so she had decided to cut all the burnt bits off. It was literally about 4 inches across!!
Really funny because Mum is very easy going and didn't seem to think it was a problem - she just decorated it as usual! She's so funny sometimes.

"Thats great! LOL! Good thing no one was standing out there." Also hope there were no hedgehogs in that hedge! Would be a bit of a shock.

[puffin]

Lol Maya. Very lucky indeed.

(helloooo cherry lovely to have you back)

Your mum sounds lovely cherry. And i am so glad there was no wildlife out there. Could have been stuned for hours.

[maya]

I am sorry but I just cant stop laughing.

Lol Maya. Very lucky indeed.

(helloooo cherry lovely to have you back)

Your mum sounds lovely cherry. And i am so glad there was no wildlife out there. Could have been stuned for hours.

[Cherry]

Me too. Am supposed to be doing work for tomorrow but vegan forum-ing is much more fun.

Hopefully this thread will have been added-to by tomorrow night

[piggy]

A few years ago my best friend and I (we were about 12 yrs old then) tried to make a Berliner (doughnut?) that had to be deep-fried. We put the oil on the stove to heat up, and it suddenly caught alight. We were desperate to put out the fire, so my friend poured some water over the flames and...you can imagine what happened!
A huge flame soared up to the ceiling, and there suddenly was a hell of a lot of black smoke in the air.
We ran outside, screaming, thinking that the whole kitchen had caught alight.
Anyway, after a few minutes we had a look back inside, and at least, the flames had been extinguished...but the kitchen was rather black. We spent a whole day cleaning the walls, while the ceiling had to be repainted.

[Cherry]

Oooh. That really IS a bad cooking experience. I'm glad the kitchen didn't catch fire and that you escaped unsinged.

[Mr Flibble]

My main tip for cookery is to always find good recipes (these generally arn't in my experience posted on user contributed websites or published by harper collins) and militantly follow them, making sure you have accurate scales and measuring things. If you do and it turns out crap, it's the recipe's fault for either not working in the first place or being poorly documented. Only when you feel you have a good knowledge of ingrediants and the way they interact with each other can you piss about with existing recipes and change them 'on the fly'. I've known people in the past who've been majorly put off trying things in the future having had kitchen disasters as a result of not following recipes properly (such as leaving raising agents out of cakes and wondering why they don't rise!). Finally, everyone has disasters from time to time, the only burns scars I have are from cooking, despite having done fire performing for 3 years

[Cherry]

always find good recipes

Crikey - I hope mine are OK I think most of them are.

the only burns scars I have are from cooking, despite having done fire performing for 3 years

LOL. I have a few scars on my hand from slipped oven gloves and hot cake tins! No doubt though if I were a fire performer I'd be burnt to a crisp by now.

[Mystic]

A few years ago my best friend and I (we were about 12 yrs old then) tried to make a Berliner (doughnut?) that had to be deep-fried. We put the oil on the stove to heat up, and it suddenly caught alight. We were desperate to put out the fire, so my friend poured some water over the flames and...you can imagine what happened!
A huge flame soared up to the ceiling, and there suddenly was a hell of a lot of black smoke in the air.
We ran outside, screaming, thinking that the whole kitchen had caught alight.
Anyway, after a few minutes we had a look back inside, and at least, the flames had been extinguished...but the kitchen was rather black. We spent a whole day cleaning the walls, while the ceiling had to be repainted.

I am cracking up hard
Off topic, but it reminds me of this one time, my step sister and I were playing with lighters and candles. We used a tub of vaseline (petroleum jelly) as a candle holder and BOOM!!!!! We got in so much trouble...

[terra]

I am cracking up hard
Off topic, but it reminds me of this one time, my step sister and I were playing with lighters and candles. We used a tub of vaseline (petroleum jelly) as a candle holder and BOOM!!!!! We got in so much trouble...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAhaha...

scary!

[Mr Flibble]

Crikey - I hope mine are OK I think most of them are.

I've made a *lot* of things using recipes off the net over the years, own over 20 vegan/vegetarian cookbooks and many non vegan ones. Of all recipe sites on the net I think your's is the best in terms of simplicity (simple as in good use of base ingrediants, as opposed to complex recipes which use way more ingrediants and processes to achieve the same results - not simple as in crap. This is an ethos I definately subscribe to when making recipes) and accuracy - it's certainly the one i've had the best sucess rate with things turning out how the picture says. If I wasn't writting a book (extremely slowely!) and not wanting competition myself, I'd suggest you do

[puffin]

Crikey - I hope mine are OK I think most of them are.

Have you not seen the thread on your lovely site?

[maya]

You just reminded me of the time I caught my favorite jean shorts on fire. I was messing with a lighter playing tricks. I was rolling the lighter down my shorts and the fringe or whatever caught on fire. I was running around the park screaming. Forget stop drop and roll. No I did not burn myself. My sister almost peed her pants laughing. LOL! I know off topic but I had to share.

I am cracking up hard
Off topic, but it reminds me of this one time, my step sister and I were playing with lighters and candles. We used a tub of vaseline (petroleum jelly) as a candle holder and BOOM!!!!! We got in so much trouble...

[Tangerine]

i know someone who wanted to make a pumpkin pie and she just took a (non cooked) pumpkin and chopped it up and threw the pieces into a ready made crust- and then cooked it... she couldnt understand what happened when it didnt turn out right.

[catalina]

i know someone who wanted to make a pumpkin pie and she just took a (non cooked) pumpkin and chopped it up and threw the pieces into a ready made crust- and then cooked it... she couldnt understand what happened when it didnt turn out right.

LOL!!! That's sounds like something a little kid would do! Awww...

[Cherry]

Have you not seen the thread on your lovely site?

Hi Puffin. No! (I have now) and I hadn't read this.

Of all recipe sites on the net I think your's is the best in terms of simplicity (simple as in good use of base ingrediants, as opposed to complex recipes which use way more ingrediants and processes to achieve the same results - not simple as in crap. This is an ethos I definately subscribe to when making recipes) and accuracy - it's certainly the one i've had the best sucess rate with things turning out how the picture says. If I wasn't writting a book (extremely slowely!) and not wanting competition myself, I'd suggest you do

I hadn't seen that before Mr Flibble. THANK YOU!! I take back all my 'soggy cake' comments.

(I did set about writing a book, and sent examples off to publishers, but noone was interested They either said there wasn't the demand for a vegan book, apart from one who had only just published the newest vegan society related-one. )

(Maybe I'll have one printed myself when I have a bit more spare cash.)

[Alpha Jerk]

A friend of mine made a cake once and used Tartar Sauce instead of Cream of Tartar.

[sugarmouse]

A friend of mine made a cake once and used Tartar Sauce instead of Cream of Tartar.

PMSL at this thread!

and that is funny....what did that taste like'?!?!?!

[Tigerlily]

I don't have any funny stories but a lot of my food hasn't turned out. And a lot of the stuff I tried to make but didn't turn out was stuff I was trying to impress omnis with. Haha.

Well, I have a cute story as a kid! I had a play kitchen set with plastic pots and pans with fake foods like rubber "fried eggs" and stuff. And once my mom was cooking something and I asked if I could use the stove to cook and for some reason she let me. And I put my plastic frying pan on the hot burner and it melted. Hahaha. I still don't understand or remember why she let me do it.