Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 51 to 100 of 114

Thread: Adoption

  1. #51
    Rentaghost Marrers's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    UK Croydon/Brighton
    Posts
    2,857

    Default Re: Adoption

    I hope it all goes well for you RachelJune.
    Idleness is not doing nothing. Idleness is being free to do anything. - Floyd Dell

  2. #52
    Vegan Pride<3 Guate_Vegan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Mount Holyoke College, MA, USA
    Posts
    140

    Default Re: Adoption

    I've noticed that A LOT of vegans are for adoption and A LOT are very much against having children..I thought I was the only one until I read it on a special issue about it in VegNews. Apparently a lot of vegans are actually so against having bio kids that they will ostracize other vegans that do, acting like they bought from a pet store rather than adopted from the pound.

    I personally wish to adopt some day, I'm only 17 so like she said, I want the worldly pleasures first before becoming a parent.
    "Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better."
    - Samuel Beckett

  3. #53

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote Guate_Vegan View Post
    Apparently a lot of vegans are actually so against having bio kids that they will ostracize other vegans that do, acting like they bought from a pet store rather than adopted from the pound.
    I have never, in 20 vegan years, encountered this. If I had I would make sure they knew how unmitigatedly stupid they are in that behaviour.
    ..but what would they do with all the cows?..

  4. #54
    Vegan Pride<3 Guate_Vegan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Mount Holyoke College, MA, USA
    Posts
    140

    Default Re: Adoption

    ^ Yeah, you should read that issue of VegNews, it was the most interesting one in my opinion. They had both POVs though, and seemed to be pretty neutral.

    Though I do have to admit, the only reasons to have biological children are emotional ones. Everything else is against it (overpopulation/needy children/pollution and environmental problems, for example)
    "Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better."
    - Samuel Beckett

  5. #55
    AR Activist Roxy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    South Australia
    Posts
    4,977

    Default Re: Adoption

    That's really great news RachelJune and I wish you all the very best

  6. #56
    Stu
    Guest

    Default Re: Adoption

    Brilliant news Rachel! I hope all goes well. I'm sure it will, since you both seem to want to get in touch with one-another.

    Let us know how it goes![/nosey]

  7. #57

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote Guate_Vegan View Post
    Though I do have to admit, the only reasons to have biological children are emotional ones. Everything else is against it (overpopulation/needy children/pollution and environmental problems, for example)
    What if two people have one child? Not having children will do little to change the world. We don't need to live a polluting and environmentally damaging life.
    Fwiw, BassPixie (17) is not my biological offspring but I can see no possible argument against having only one child, for instance, if one wishes.
    Adoption is a wonderful thing but there's nothing wrong with bearing children per se.

    Still pleased for you RachelJune.
    ..but what would they do with all the cows?..

  8. #58
    baffled harpy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    6,655

    Default Re: Adoption

    Glad you got a quick result, RachelJune. Hope it all goes well.

  9. #59
    gorillagorilla Gorilla's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Sussex, UK
    Posts
    3,925

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote horselesspaul View Post
    Fwiw, BassPixie (17) is not my biological offspring but I can see no possible argument against having only one child, for instance, if one wishes.
    i disagree, but i'm not sure this is the right place to discuss it.

    congratulations RachelJune, hope it works out for you.
    'The word gorilla was derived from the Greek word Gorillai (a "tribe of hairy women")'

  10. #60

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote Gorilla View Post
    i disagree, but i'm not sure this is the right place to discuss it.
    Start a thread..
    x
    ..but what would they do with all the cows?..

  11. #61
    gorillagorilla Gorilla's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Sussex, UK
    Posts
    3,925

    Default Re: Adoption

    we had a thread before which discussed these sorts of issues but it all got rather heated and unpleasant, not sure i want to risk it going down that route again.
    'The word gorilla was derived from the Greek word Gorillai (a "tribe of hairy women")'

  12. #62

    Default Re: Adoption

    Fair enough. Shame though.
    ..but what would they do with all the cows?..

  13. #63
    puffin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Cambridgeshire
    Posts
    1,193

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote horselesspaul View Post
    What if two people have one child? Not having children will do little to change the world. We don't need to live a polluting and environmentally damaging life.
    Fwiw, BassPixie (17) is not my biological offspring but I can see no possible argument against having only one child, for instance, if one wishes.
    Adoption is a wonderful thing but there's nothing wrong with bearing children per se.

    Still pleased for you RachelJune.
    Agreed.

    Good luck Rachel, hope it all works out for you.

    Oh and i have never had anyone be concerned if i had kids and what i do with my life, strange that so many people dont get on with there own lives instead of bitching about others reasons for having kids. I dont agree with a lot of things people do but i wouldnt judge someone or ostracize them. I also wouldnt give a crap if someone didnt want to know me because i had children, i wouldnt want to know someone who was so bitter and closed minded.

  14. #64
    BlackCats
    Guest

    Default Re: Adoption

    I hope it works out well Racheljune. I personally don't know anyone that is adopted but I think fostering and adopting children is great. I know someone who successfully adopted a little boy from another country.

    I can understand why vegans would prefer people to adopt and foster rather than having their own kids but I don't know that anyone would stop speaking to vegans that do choose to have their own kids, that's a little extreme IMO.

  15. #65

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote BlackCats View Post
    I can understand why vegans would prefer people to adopt and foster rather than having their own kids
    I still don't see what it has to do with veganism.
    ..but what would they do with all the cows?..

  16. #66
    baffled harpy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    6,655

    Default Re: Adoption

    I saw an article about this in "The Vegan" magazine a few years ago that was arguing, I think, that if one had children they might decide not to be vegan and then that would undo the benefits of being vegan oneself (in terms of not causing suffering). I found that argument weak, but the piece was reflective rather than hate-filled IIRC.

    If one is vegan partly to try and minimise environmental impact there could also be a tie-in there because overpopulation causes environmental problems. Adoption looks better from that POV.

    I don't buy the anti-reproduction stance myself - seems to me that people are entitled to have children (within reason!) if they want to and can.

  17. #67
    puffin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Cambridgeshire
    Posts
    1,193

    Default Re: Adoption

    *nods in agreement with harpy*

  18. #68
    BlackCats
    Guest

    Default Re: Adoption

    I would think that vegans generally have more knowledge about environmental issues and wouldn't want to add to the numbers of humans already in the world especially as the large majority eat meat. It is socially beneficial to foster or adopt also and many vegans do seem to want to improve their community and placing a child in a proper home rather than "care" is good for the whole community I think.

    The girl I mentioned who adopted a child wasn't a vegan though, she just wanted to give an unwanted child a good home.

  19. #69
    gorillagorilla Gorilla's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Sussex, UK
    Posts
    3,925

    Default Re: Adoption

    vegans adopting a child who would otherwise most likely have been raised as an omni reduces the number of meat-eaters in the world.
    'The word gorilla was derived from the Greek word Gorillai (a "tribe of hairy women")'

  20. #70
    Zero
    Guest

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote harpy View Post
    I saw an article about this in "The Vegan" magazine a few years ago that was arguing, I think, that if one had children they might decide not to be vegan and then that would undo the benefits of being vegan oneself (in terms of not causing suffering). I found that argument weak, but the piece was reflective rather than hate-filled IIRC.

    If one is vegan partly to try and minimise environmental impact there could also be a tie-in there because overpopulation causes environmental problems. Adoption looks better from that POV.

    I don't buy the anti-reproduction stance myself - seems to me that people are entitled to have children (within reason!) if they want to and can.
    If that is the way it is presented I think it's an over simplification of the argument really. There are two very strong schools of thought on this and a vast number of things to consider, and I very much doubt the strong opinions of either side are going to sway the other to "convert".

    People who have children already will naturally be very defensive of their choice, one might be inclined to say it's partly down to parental instincts (but that's just my conjecture, I can imagine that to a parent who loves their child, the thought of them "not existing" would create an emotional reaction).

    Harpy, you say people should be allowed to have kids within reason, what exactly is "within reason"?

    If we were to take some middle ground on this issue and come up with some sort of compromise wouldn't you agree it would be better if people only had one or two children maximum and then if there was the same amount of people not having children then the population would slowly start to decline, but is that fast enough? (I am not sure)

    Furthermore, how do you encourage people to have less children?

    Why are we so attached to the continuation of our own genes? Is there truly a rational and logical reasoning? Or is it instinctive and emotional attachments that are held on to? Why are so many people so adverse to nurturing someone else who is not of their genes? (Not saying everyone is by any means but many people I've talked to seem to be, yet can never explain why).

    I am serious in asking this.

    As an example: we want to stop the breeding of domestic animals because there are too many and they don't get homes, since we have bred them to be dependent on us I feel we have a duty to take care of them, and as vegans we choose to adopt a pet that needs a home rather than contribute to the breeding.

    I see a somewhat similar thought pattern with adopting a child rather than having one, it is taking on someone who is in need now rather than breeding for no other reason than your own attachment and feelings for the idea, I like the principle of adoption personally, I find that it makes sense in this world right now.

    I am approaching these questions from a very logical and non emotional point of view and I am not attempting to belittle anyone else for their personal choice in any way.

  21. #71
    baffled harpy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    6,655

    Default Re: Adoption

    vegans adopting a child who would otherwise most likely have been raised as an omni reduces the number of meat-eaters in the world.
    Yes, there are loads of good reasons for adopting (if one's up to the job and can get approved for it, which isn't always easy).

    But I don't think we should give the impression that adopting instead of reproducing is a compulsory part of veganism To me it's another of these questions like only buying fairtrade and organic goods - a lot of us may think it's a good thing to do, but if you overload the specification of veganism then no-one is going to want to do it, IYSWIM.

  22. #72
    puffin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Cambridgeshire
    Posts
    1,193

    Default Re: Adoption

    Well there are some good reasons but i dont think they are good enough reason to ostracize people. Vegans shouldn't make rules on who is the better vegan and who can be the most perfect and judge others for not fitting into there ideal world plans.

  23. #73
    Cattmogg's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    beyond reproach
    Posts
    159

    Default Re: Adoption

    Crackling news RJ.

    I've been thinking about adoption for a long time. I think its something i would seriously consider. Im not set on having to have my ownchild . I feel i could easily love a child that wasnt mine biologically. It makes sense to me to give a child that needs it a home. Its not a simple decision though, children who have been seperated from their parents can often need a lot of extra emotional support as they may have had difficult early lives. Has anyone been through the adoption process?
    If i keep a green bough in my heart my singing bird will come.

  24. #74
    Zero
    Guest

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote harpy View Post
    But I don't think we should give the impression that adopting instead of reproducing is a compulsory part of veganism
    I didn't say that Harpy, I simply made a comparison.

    Quote puffin View Post
    Well there are some good reasons but i dont think they are good enough reason to ostracize people. Vegans shouldn't make rules on who is the better vegan and who can be the most perfect and judge others for not fitting into there ideal world plans.
    Do you feel I am attempting to ostracize or judge people? Or does my post suggest that? Do I suggest that people attempt to be perfect?
    If so that is simply not the intention. I merely asked several questions, because they are things I don't have answers to, in part because I clearly don't feel the same way as the person with the opposing view. I am merely attempting to form better understanding.

    I have presented what I think makes sense logically for me, I didn't say "this is one size fits all no compromise".

  25. #75
    baffled harpy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    6,655

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote Zero View Post
    Harpy, you say people should be allowed to have kids within reason, what exactly is "within reason"?
    No, I didn't say they should be "allowed" to, I said I felt they were "entitled" to. I don't think anyone should lay down the law about how many children other people should have, certainly not the state. But the state could probably manipulate social norms to some extent.

    Personally I don't feel people should they have more children than they can provide adequate care for (I don't mean financially, I mean in terms of attention etc). One or two does seem a reasonable number but then there are a lot of people (like me) who don't produce any. Although the world is increasingly overpopulated, birthrates in most Western countries are pretty low and they could have a problem in a while because the workforce will be so small relative to the number of people who are too old to work. From that perspective people having more than two isn't necessarily problematic as long as they can care for them.

    Furthermore, how do you encourage people to have less children?
    I've seen claims that, in some developing countries where population growth is problematic, this is being achieved naturally by reducing infant mortality through better medical care and hygiene. Particularly in the absence of a welfare state, people tend to have a lot of children when not many will survive to adulthood, but if they know that they usually will survive then they have fewer. The availability of contraception helps too of course.

    Is there truly a rational and logical reasoning? Or is it instinctive and emotional attachments that are held on to? Why are so many people so adverse to nurturing someone else who is not of their genes? (Not saying everyone is by any means but many people I've talked to seem to be, yet can never explain why).
    I don't think wanting to pass on your genes is rational at all - it's probably programmed into [ETA: some of] us by evolution. I'm not sure I've met anyone who was averse to nurturing someone else who was not of their genes, but it's definitely seen as a second choice by a lot of people.

  26. #76
    puffin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Cambridgeshire
    Posts
    1,193

    Default Re: Adoption

    I wasnt talking about you Zero I was talking about the post from Guate_Vegan made about Vegmag and people being ostracized. I thought you made some good points and asked some interesting questions.

    I shall answer one if i may......

    I dont know all the reasons people have children, i for one didnt plan on having my first, i was living with my dad and didnt have a home of my own but i dont believe in abortions so i made the best of the situation I loved being a mum so I planned my second because i wanted another child, as simple as that. I am able to have kids so i had one. I think adoption is wonderful and the right thing to do but i find it quite upsetting when people judge (not you as i said the vegmag).

  27. #77
    Cattmogg's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    beyond reproach
    Posts
    159

    Default Re: Adoption

    Harpy, i just checked out that site you posteed ages ago. Interesting.
    If i keep a green bough in my heart my singing bird will come.

  28. #78
    baffled harpy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    6,655

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote Zero View Post
    I didn't say that Harpy
    No, you didn't. I wasn't responding to your message, which I hadn't read when I wrote that!

  29. #79
    Zero
    Guest

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote button folks

  30. #80
    Zero
    Guest

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote harpy View Post
    No, I didn't say they should be "allowed" to, I said I felt they were "entitled" to. I don't think anyone should lay down the law about how many children other people should have, certainly not the state. But the state could probably manipulate social norms to some extent.
    Sorry for misquoting you there, it is difficult you don't want to have regulations telling you what you can and cannot do with your own body, I understand that. I hope that in the near future it will be seen as just as normal by the majority to not want kids as it does to want to have them. It seems to be slowly changing but a lot of people still look at you like you've just grown two extra heads if you say you don't want kids

    Quote harpy View Post
    I've seen claims that, in some developing countries where population growth is problematic, this is being achieved naturally by reducing infant mortality through better medical care and hygiene. Particularly in the absence of a welfare state, people tend to have a lot of children when not many will survive to adulthood, but if they know that they usually will survive then they have fewer. The availability of contraception helps too of course.
    That makes sense, but hopefully the increase in care will result in more contraception being available. Although the Catholic Church's presence is still creating a residual problem in the spread of STD's and number of births.

    Quote harpy View Post
    I don't think wanting to pass on your genes is rational at all - it's probably programmed into [ETA: some of] us by evolution. I'm not sure I've met anyone who was averse to nurturing someone else who was not of their genes, but it's definitely seen as a second choice by a lot of people.
    I agree on the gene's thing.

    Most of the people I've had the conversation with would rather "have their own than" than nurture a child that isn't their own but yet non of them have actually been able to explain why beyond saying "It's not like having your own is it?" - I always say "I don't know, I've never done either". Although they do generally agree that adoption is a great thing.

  31. #81

    Default Re: Adoption

    I plan to adopt when I am older and ready to take care of a child. I would probably adopt an autistic child (at least for the first child, if I want to have more than one), though as I could relate better to their styles of communication and seeing the world. I don't expect it to be easy, however, as I am autistic and lesbian and in the States at least those things can well count against you. Also I'd rather have a steady relationship at the time, which I don't have right now but then again child-rearing is NOT what I plan to do anytime soon - get my college education and career going first.

  32. #82
    Cake Fairy Cherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Rugby. In the middle.
    Posts
    1,554

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote Zero
    Most of the people I've had the conversation with would rather "have their own than" than nurture a child that isn't their own but yet non of them have actually been able to explain why
    I'm going to have a go, because this thread makes me feel uncomfortable for wanting to have my own children, and I don't think that's fair. Adoption IS a wonderful thing, but I think having biological children is a wonderful thing too.

    I think that there's a sort of closeness between relatives even if you haven't spent time together. I would like to have biological children partly because I think there'd be an extra degree of understanding. That's certainly how I feel about my family, although I'm well aware that many people don't feel like that about theirs. I love my family, and I'd love to see the traits of my grandparents, aunts and uncles, my parents or my sisters in my own children. I think I'd probably be able to recognise and nurture those talents more easily. I know that people who have been adopted can get a lot out of meeting their birth parents, and that they can feel they understand themselves better, and if I ever adopt then I'd want there to be a link there.

    I also think that it's a natural thing to do, and that most parents and babies bond closely even before the baby has been born. (Babies recognise the sounds that they have heard in utero, like their mother's voice and even music, for example.) I'm not saying that I wouldn't be able to bond with a child that I had adopted, I work with children and know that that really wouldn't be a problem, but I think having your own would give you a head start.

    By saying this I'm in no way saying that an adoptive bond can't be as close, as I'm sure it's often closer. However, if I can have my own children then I'd like to try, and think I have a right to do that without being made to feel that I should adopt someone else's children instead. If I weren't able to have my own children biologically then I would love to adopt my own children instead, and I don't think it's wrong to think about it in that order.

  33. #83
    Rentaghost Marrers's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    UK Croydon/Brighton
    Posts
    2,857

    Default Re: Adoption

    I think for many people wanting a child one of the major differences between adoption and having one's own biological child is that adopted children generally aren't available to adopt as small babies.
    With your own child you get to be with them from the moment of birth so (whether true or not I don't know) people might assume the bond would be stronger and effortless.
    Idleness is not doing nothing. Idleness is being free to do anything. - Floyd Dell

  34. #84

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote Cherry View Post
    I would like to have biological children partly because I think there'd be an extra degree of understanding. That's certainly how I feel about my family, although I'm well aware that many people don't feel like that about theirs. I love my family, and I'd love to see the traits of my grandparents, aunts and uncles, my parents or my sisters in my own children.
    I get you. Though in my case, by my adopting a spectrum child, I would be accomplishing the same things.

  35. #85
    Zero
    Guest

    Default Re: Adoption

    Cherry, the intention isn't to make you feel uncomfortable, I'm sorry that you feel that way. I guess in some ways I am looking for some reasoning behind some of the things I have heard over the years.

    Thanks for sharing your personal feelings and experience about the closeness you feel towards relatives, thats useful. I cannot relate to this as I have no such closeness with any of my relatives. My family have been idiots and users over the years, my father moved away when I was young and never really bothered with me and all my mother ever did was drag me down and use me, I didn't even speak to her for about 3 years. These days we keep in contact but at a distance (I could go on and on but I will spare you ).

    If there is a natural connection between relatives as you suggest I guess I am very much severed from it and I sort of 'stand alone' so hearing that from your view point is interesting.

  36. #86
    baffled harpy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    6,655

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote Marrers View Post
    I think for many people wanting a child one of the major differences between adoption and having one's own biological child is that adopted children generally aren't available to adopt as small babies.
    With your own child you get to be with them from the moment of birth so (whether true or not I don't know) people might assume the bond would be stronger and effortless.
    True. Also, many of the children that need adoption have problems of one kind or another (e.g. they have experienced family problems early in life) so some of them are said to need adoptive parents who already have experience of child rearing.

  37. #87
    Cake Fairy Cherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Rugby. In the middle.
    Posts
    1,554

    Default Re: Adoption

    Thanks Zero

  38. #88
    BlackCats
    Guest

    Default Re: Adoption

    I can understand if people feel uncomfortable about this thread because some of the views on it are different to the ones you are bombarded with your whole life. The vast majority of people in society seem to think that finding a partner and having your own kids is the only valid way of life and that makes me uncomfortable!:smile: It's obviously up to the individual whether or not they want to have their own children but I think mine and other people's views about having children and adoption are just as valid even though they aren't mainstream.

    I do know someone that would be interested in adopting a child but only after she had her own child first so I know that is a more traditional way of looking at adoption.

  39. #89
    gorillagorilla Gorilla's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Sussex, UK
    Posts
    3,925

    Default Re: Adoption

    lots of very interesting viewpoints here and i'm glad we're all discussing it amicably (in fact i think some of the nastiness in previous threads was caused by people who no longer visit the forum).

    Quote harpy View Post
    I don't think we should give the impression that adopting instead of reproducing is a compulsory part of veganism
    i don't think we should either - it seems there are many vegans who are against the idea of having children but there are many who also want their own babies. it's all down to one's own choice and not a part of veganism per se.

    Quote puffin View Post
    Vegans shouldn't make rules on who is the better vegan and who can be the most perfect and judge others for not fitting into there ideal world plans.
    i hope there aren't many people who would fit into this category, but there are judgemental and stupid people in all walks of life. i would never stop talking to someone i was friends with just because i didn't agree with their life choices.

    Quote Zero View Post
    It seems to be slowly changing but a lot of people still look at you like you've just grown two extra heads if you say you don't want kids
    very true.

    i find it ironic that there are so many strict rules for people who want to adopt, and yet there are no qualifications people must meet before they have their own children. of course, the authorities have the adoptees' best interests at heart and there would be no way of monitoring people who want to become biological parents that wouldn't be a gross violation of people's human rights. but it brings to mind these recent cases of people who have neglected, tortured and killed their own biological children because social services didn't spot that they were unfit parents.

    Quote Cherry View Post
    I'm going to have a go, because this thread makes me feel uncomfortable for wanting to have my own children, and I don't think that's fair.
    i'm sorry you feel that way Cherry, and i don't think that's the intention of the thread.

    Quote Cherry View Post
    Adoption IS a wonderful thing, but I think having biological children is a wonderful thing too.
    i think many people who have contributed to this thread have no desire to have their own biological children and find it hard to understand that desire (myself included). that doesn't mean we want to make others feel uncomfortable about their choices however.
    'The word gorilla was derived from the Greek word Gorillai (a "tribe of hairy women")'

  40. #90
    Cake Fairy Cherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Rugby. In the middle.
    Posts
    1,554

    Default Re: Adoption

    Really, the worst thing is people having children who don't really want them, or who don't care for them properly. I suppose one of the biggest differences is that all (I'd like to think) adopted children are actually wanted.

    I hadn't really thought about it that way Blackcats. I suppose I don't notice the 'pressures', and it isn't right that there are any. At least no-one is suggesting that if you don't want children or you want to adopt that you are less vegan and should be ostracised

    Quote Quantum Mechanic
    I get you. Though in my case, by my adopting a spectrum child, I would be accomplishing the same things.
    Of course, no two AS children are the same

  41. #91
    BlackCats
    Guest

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote Cherry View Post
    Really, the worst thing is people having children who don't really want them, or who don't care for them properly. I suppose one of the biggest differences is that all (I'd like to think) adopted children are actually wanted.

    I hadn't really thought about it that way Blackcats. I suppose I don't notice the 'pressures', and it isn't right that there are any. At least no-one is suggesting that if you don't want children or you want to adopt that you are less vegan and should be ostracised
    I meant to say as well I am not anti-reproduction necessarily, I just wish adoption wasn't seen as a second choice. I also wish people were more responsible with contraception beforehand and that people would consider parenting more before they went ahead and had children rather than just having kids just because it is the thing to do. I know a woman that went to parenting classes which is helpful I think. I live in an borough which has the highest teenage pregnancy in London and I really do consider this a problem although obviously some teenage mothers are very good. I also used to work with kids that were homeless and leaving care and I would like to see less unwanted children born in general.

    Yeah, I don't think anyone has that view on here.

  42. #92
    Zero
    Guest

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote harpy View Post
    True. Also, many of the children that need adoption have problems of one kind or another (e.g. they have experienced family problems early in life) so some of them are said to need adoptive parents who already have experience of child rearing.
    I am sure that there are just as many biological parent and child families having problems but these just arent monitored and compartmentalised like with adopted children.

    Quote BlackCats View Post
    I can understand if people feel uncomfortable about this thread because some of the views on it are different to the ones you are bombarded with your whole life. The vast majority of people in society seem to think that finding a partner and having your own kids is the only valid way of life and that makes me uncomfortable!:smile:
    Yes thats ture, it is always assumed that you are going to have children isn't it, like when people say "when you have kids of your own you will understand this" etc.

    Quote Cherry View Post
    Really, the worst thing is people having children who don't really want them, or who don't care for them properly. I suppose one of the biggest differences is that all (I'd like to think) adopted children are actually wanted.
    That is a great thought, and I would imagine (and I hope) it is true. :smile:

  43. #93

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote Cherry View Post
    Of course, no two AS children are the same
    Of course - but when anyone having a child biologically to raise, while some familial traits are shared there are still many, many others that can vary by a lot, such as personality. Just like raising a child you gave birth to isn't a shield against rebellion, as many generations have found out.

  44. #94
    Zero
    Guest

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote Quantum Mechanic View Post
    Of course - but when anyone having a child biologically to raise, while some familial traits are shared there are still many, many others that can vary by a lot, such as personality. Just like raising a child you gave birth to isn't a shield against rebellion, as many generations have found out.
    This is starting to bring back memories from my A Level psychology classes now - The Nature/Nurture debate

  45. #95
    baffled harpy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    6,655

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote Zero View Post
    I am sure that there are just as many biological parent and child families having problems but these just arent monitored and compartmentalised like with adopted children.

    Yes, but if you don't have the relevant experience you may simply not be allowed to adopt a child with this type of background, because social workers etc think (with reason, probably) that they should be adopted e.g. by people who are already parents.

    From one angle it seems unfair that anyone fertile, however unsuitable, can reproduce whereas you have to clear a load of hurdles before you can adopt. However making adoption easier doesn't seem to be the answer - quite a lot of adoptions break down as it is and that can obviously be very traumatic for everyone involved.

  46. #96
    gorillagorilla Gorilla's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Sussex, UK
    Posts
    3,925

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote harpy View Post
    From one angle it seems unfair that anyone fertile, however unsuitable, can reproduce whereas you have to clear a load of hurdles before you can adopt. However making adoption easier doesn't seem to be the answer - quite a lot of adoptions break down as it is and that can obviously be very traumatic for everyone involved.
    true, and that's always very sad. on the other hand though there are many people who have horrible family lives with their biological parents too.
    'The word gorilla was derived from the Greek word Gorillai (a "tribe of hairy women")'

  47. #97
    puffin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Cambridgeshire
    Posts
    1,193

    Default Re: Adoption

    Yes indeed Gorilla. It saddens me greatly when people just pop out children and havent got the patience or time for them. Why would someone just reproduce without a second though? I got pregnant by being careless and it was difficult to deal with at first but i didnt make the same mistake again (not that my son is a mistake i mean that i didnt get pregnant again until i was ready but i also understand contraception fails but it can only fail so many times before you have to look at changing things).

  48. #98
    BlackCats
    Guest

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote harpy View Post
    Yes, but if you don't have the relevant experience you may simply not be allowed to adopt a child with this type of background, because social workers etc think (with reason, probably) that they should be adopted e.g. by people who are already parents.
    I never thought about that, maybe that is the reason that adopted children are usually placed with people who are already parents. It makes sense on one hand but then it means people who can't have children or don't want to have their own are penalised as adoptive parents in a way.

  49. #99
    Beagle Hugger scarlett's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    .
    Posts
    437

    Default Re: Adoption

    Adoption can be just as difficult for people who are already parents also I have found from personal experience. I started the adoption process a couple of years ago, but had to stop it sadly as the process was so intrusive

    They wanted to interview all my family members, and couldn't understand why I hadn't been in contact with my mother for 13 years - they wanted to speak to her !! I did not want to get into the story of what had happened during my childhood, and they couldn't accept that.

    The fact that I already had a child who was happy and well-loved, and that we could provide a stable and loving home didn't seem to matter. They wanted you to have a "network around you" (their words)

    If things changed, I would like to try again - maybe its different in different areas, and with different case workers - I don't know ?

  50. #100
    baffled harpy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    6,655

    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote BlackCats View Post
    maybe that is the reason that adopted children are usually placed with people who are already parents.
    I'm not sure if that's generally true - I know of quite a few childless people who have adopted successfully - but you can see why they might want people with relevant experience for children with certain backgrounds. I expect you could get the experience other ways than by being a parent, e.g. by working in childcare or something.

Similar Threads

  1. Adoption of battery hens (a nice story!)
    By sarannity in forum Animals
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: Jan 2nd, 2012, 08:43 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •