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Thread: Adoption

  1. #101
    puffin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Adoption

    My brother was going to foster a disabled child but he also doesnt get on with his mum and didnt like the fact they wanted to know all the details so he stopped the process.

  2. #102
    BlackCats
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    Default Re: Adoption

    That is sad Scarlett and Puffin.

  3. #103
    gorillagorilla Gorilla's Avatar
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    Default Re: Adoption

    it is a shame that the social workers seem to think not getting on with your own family should be a barrier to adopting. i suppose they want to place the children in a secure environment but not being on good terms with your family isn't necessarily an indication that you're dysfunctional.
    'The word gorilla was derived from the Greek word Gorillai (a "tribe of hairy women")'

  4. #104
    baffled harpy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Adoption

    The intrusive vetting process was one of the things that put me off, together with the fact that they want not only you but also your partner and possibly other relatives to be 100% committed to the process and I didn't think mine were.

    With hindsight I think it's a good thing I was put off because I would probably have been a cr@p parent. But the fact remains that had we managed to pop one out naturally no questions would have been asked, so ease of "access" is obviously one factor in people choosing to have their own children rather than adopt.

    ETA From memory gorilla I'm not sure it's the "dysfunctional" thing or more the idea that you will need support from your family if you adopt. Presumably having a lot of supportive local friends might do instead, I don't know.

  5. #105
    gorillagorilla Gorilla's Avatar
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    i've never been through the process so obviously i don't know their reasoning. having supportive people around you is always a good thing when bringing up a child, but from what people have been saying it sounds like only blood relatives are acceptable as support for many adoption workers.
    'The word gorilla was derived from the Greek word Gorillai (a "tribe of hairy women")'

  6. #106
    baffled harpy's Avatar
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    Not sure about that Gorilla - some of it may depend on the individual social worker IIRC. I suppose if there had a been a bust-up within the family it might make sense to find out what the reasons for it were, at least? Not sure if having had one would necessarily rule you out, otherwise there might not be many adoptions!

    If anyone's interested there's a description of the assessment process here:

    http://www.bemyparent.org.uk/info-fo...val,47,AR.html

  7. #107

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    Quote harpy View Post
    I'm not sure if that's generally true - I know of quite a few childless people who have adopted successfully - but you can see why they might want people with relevant experience for children with certain backgrounds. I expect you could get the experience other ways than by being a parent, e.g. by working in childcare or something.
    Well, I plan to be a teacher, so I would be getting plenty of experience around children (even though it's very different sort of experience to raising children at home). I really wanted to volunteer in a special education classroom, but unfortunately couldn't get the transportation worked out in time (there was a requirement that you commit to volunteering for two quarters). Guess I'll wait until other opportunities arise.

  8. #108
    gorillagorilla Gorilla's Avatar
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    Default Re: Adoption

    from www.bbc.co.uk

    Man told he is too fat to adopt

    A couple from Leeds have been told they cannot adopt because one of them is too fat.

    Damien and Charlotte Hall cannot have children of their own, so they approached Leeds City Council about adopting a child.

    They were told Mr Hall's weight, at 24.5 stone (156kg), made him morbidly obese with a body mass index, or BMI, of more than 42.

    In a letter, the council told them his BMI must be below 40 before they could be considered as potential parents, because there was a risk he could become ill or even die.

    Charlotte, 31, who works as a nanny, has been married to Damien, 37, for 11 years and they have been a couple for 14. Mr Hall works in a call centre and, at 6ft 1in, says he knows he is overweight.

    "It's hard to lose weight under pressure, " he told BBC Radio 5 Live.

    "I'm not a couch potato and I don't sit eating takeaways every night. The bottom line is I'm too fat.

    "I just feel as though we were only judged on my weight and not all the other good things about us. We don't drink or smoke and we could give a child a happy and safe home."

    The letter the couple were sent by Leeds City Council, signed by a team manager and seen by the BBC said: "I am writing to confirm that we are unable to progress an application from you at this time.

    "This is due to the concerns that the medical advisers have expressed regarding Mr Hall's weight.

    "I have discussed this with our medical adviser... who considers that it is important to alter lifestyle, diet and exercise in a sustainable way so that any weight reduction can be maintained in the long term.

    It went on: "I understand that you would like to begin the assessment as soon as possible and while appreciating your reasons for this, I consider it would be more appropriate to begin the assessment once Mr Hall's BMI is below 40."

    Mrs Hall said they were very shocked when they received the letter. "I think it's just gutting. We had an inkling they'd say something about (his) weight but to be turned down flatly just on that, it's just harsh.

    "My husband has a full-time job and is very active. He walks our dog at least twice a day and doesn't feel unfit or unwell."

    The council's adoption service has a legal responsibility to ensure that children are placed with adopters who are able to provide the best possible lifelong care.

    "You've got a child in care who's going to get up tomorrow morning not knowing where it's going and we're here ready to take a child on. They seem to be saying it's better for them to be in care and being shoved from pillar to post just in case Damien dies."

    Mr Hall added: "The bottom line is I'm too fat. We don't know if there will be any other blocking factors, because that letter is just a reaction to a medical we had which said I'm healthy but overweight."

    The Department for Children, Schools and Families said it does not issue guidance on maximum weight for adopters to local authorities.

    In a statement, Leeds City Council said: "The council's adoption service has a legal responsibility to ensure that children are placed with adopters who are able to provide the best possible lifelong care.

    "Part of this responsibility is advice for applicants on a range of suitability criteria, including any health and lifestyle issues which may impact on an applicant's long-term ability to adopt.

    "Expert advice on health and medical issues for applicants is provided by medical advisors to the council's adoption service, in line with BAAF (British Agencies Adoption and Fostering) guidance.

    "Mr and Mrs Hall's application to adopt is still active and they have been given advice on how best to proceed regarding this issue."
    'The word gorilla was derived from the Greek word Gorillai (a "tribe of hairy women")'

  9. #109
    baffled harpy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Adoption

    What did you think about that, Gorilla?

    Personally, I didn't feel the council's action was that unreasonable if it's true that the chap's life expectancy is reduced because of his physique - the adoptee can probably do without a parent dropping off the perch prematurely. We don't actually know that that is true though, as he could be reasonably fit despite his weight.

    The story does illustrate that adoption is less straightforward than reproduction, though.

  10. #110
    gorillagorilla Gorilla's Avatar
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    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote harpy View Post
    What did you think about that, Gorilla?
    sorry harpy, i meant to reply ages ago but forgot completely.

    i can see both sides i suppose - obviously the social workers want the best for the adoptee, and becoming close to an adoptive parent who subsequently dies of a preventable disease would be very traumatic for the child. it's hard to say how likely someone is to become very ill or die from being overweight though if they are otherwise fit and healthy, as the man in the article says he is.

    i do wonder how many health conditions are included in the health checks that are just as likely to cause death/serious illness - genetic predispositions to cancer, heart disease, etc. presumably they check the adoptive parents for HIV, hepatitis, and so on? what about any history of mental illness?

    i've said this before but i just find it frustrating how people capable of having biological children breed freely regardless of their suitability to be parents. there's no sensible argument against people having their own children that doesn't amount to a denial of basic human rights though.
    'The word gorilla was derived from the Greek word Gorillai (a "tribe of hairy women")'

  11. #111
    [LMNOP] ellaminnowpea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Adoption

    Quote Gorilla View Post
    it's hard to say how likely someone is to become very ill or die from being overweight though if they are otherwise fit and healthy, as the man in the article says he is.
    I dont believe people can be 'fit and healthy' when morbidly obese. I know its a touchy subject, but being overweight and obese is very dangerous to one's health. It's impossible to become overweight and obese if you lead a healthy lifestyle. I realize that sounds quite harsh, but from a nutritional (and exercise, lifestyle, etc) standpoint *I* believe this is true.

    Quote Gorilla View Post
    i do wonder how many health conditions are included in the health checks that are just as likely to cause death/serious illness - genetic predispositions to cancer, heart disease, etc. presumably they check the adoptive parents for HIV, hepatitis, and so on? what about any history of mental illness?
    I believe they perform general health, personal health history, predispositions, and mental health checks in the US.

    EDIT: Just to clarify, I do NOT think these issues should prevent someone from adopting a child. I think each situation is different and should be understood fully throughout the adoption process.
    I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship. ~ Alcott

  12. #112

    Default Re: Adoption

    What does mental health encompass?

  13. #113
    [LMNOP] ellaminnowpea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Adoption

    I would assume anything in the DSM-IV-R (in the United States).

    [Europe uses a different diagnostic manual, I believe]
    I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship. ~ Alcott

  14. #114

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    Default Re: Adoption

    Speaking of Adoption...

    We are a young vegan couple expecting twins in the beginning of next year and we have begun the process of searching for the best possible people to create an extended family bond with, by entrusting them to raise our two children. We are seeking only a fully open ongoing relationship adoption to couples or singles (heterosexual or homosexual) living in California. Due to at least one case that I know of, in which a judge ruled in favor of uprooting a young child from it's adoptive home because the adoptive parents were vegetarian, adopting hopefuls are not advertising their vegetarian diets. For this reason we are turning to alternative methods of connecting with people who may become our extended family. If you or someone you know is waiting to adopt, would be open to twins, are spiritual but not affiliated with a Christian ideology religion, and live in California, please get in touch with us.

    With Love,

    ExpectingTwins
    Self.Expressed@gmail.com

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