Page 1 of 7 1 2 3 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 50 of 317

Thread: Were you spanked as a child?

  1. #1
    Yoggy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Ottawa
    Posts
    830

    Default Were you spanked as a child?

    Not sure if this belongs here or in "Chit Chat". This is just a general thread about spanking children. Did your parents ever do it to you? Have you ever done it to your children in a moment of anger?

    I was spanked quite a bit as a young child (it stopped when I hit 9 or 10). Usually it was open-handed, but one time my mom used the wooden spoon and broke it on my butt . She never did that again LOL. The worst times were when I would do something wrong while my step-dad was sitting or lying on the couch. Rather than come over to me to discipline me, he would stay there and call me over because he was too lazy to get up. I was always too afraid to disobey, but terrified to go near him too. For the record, he and I are very close now, and I don't think I have any emotional scars from being spanked. I just remember it with a twinge of resentment...
    "Man can do as he wills, but not will as he wills" - Arthur Schopenhauer

  2. #2
    CunningPlans Poison Ivy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    south yorkshire
    Posts
    1,299

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Once, by my dad (when I was about 5 or 6) - and he did it so hard and I wailed SO much and for SO long that he never did it again!!
    Blackadder: Baldrick, have you no idea what irony is?
    Baldrick: Yes, it's like goldy and bronzy only it's made out of iron.

  3. #3
    grail's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    US
    Posts
    111

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I was spanked. There's a difference between spanking and abuse - I know because I've experienced both and they feel different. Maybe I'm the only barbarian around here, but I guess I could just be old-fashioned.

    I haven't decided which methods of discipline will be appropriate for my daughter. We may never have to spank her at all, the way things are going..(fingers crossed)

  4. #4
    Cake Fairy Cherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Rugby. In the middle.
    Posts
    2,169

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?



    I'd say I was NEVER hit but I do remember once when I was 4 or 5 that I was playing on my toy thing with wheels at the bottom of the stairs and my Dad getting angry and shouting and hitting me on the bottom. It wasn't hard and I don't think it even hurt but I remember feeling upset and confused and not knowing what it was that I was supposed to have done.

    My mum must have been out

    I don't believe in smacking children AT ALL. I really don't think it's helpful and I think there are FAR more constructive ways to teach children the difference between right and wrong. In my experience it doesn't pay off in the long term and causes a general lack of trust and respect.

    I don't have children but would have thought that heaps of praise, clear boundaries, quiet reminders of why that's not a good idea, star charts, time out & withdrawal of priviledges would be more constructive than beating to a pulp/humiliation.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I didn't get spanked very often. My father raised me and he just couldn't handle it very well. (Get all moist eyed and stuff) My usual punishment was to think about why what I did was wrong and give a small speech about it to him.

  6. #6
    puffin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Cambridgeshire
    Posts
    1,989

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Yes i was spanked all the time, on the bottom stuff or across the face, kind of depended how fast i ran
    And no i would never ever spank my children. I would never forgive myself. If i get angry i just walk away and come back when i have calmed down.

  7. #7
    Cake Fairy Cherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Rugby. In the middle.
    Posts
    2,169

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Quote grail
    We may never have to spank her at all, the way things are going..(fingers crossed)
    Cool It's a positive spiral so if she's generally very well behaved then I'm sure that if she *did* do anything out of character then an 'I'm very shocked/hurt/disappointed' speech will suffice

  8. #8
    grail's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    US
    Posts
    111

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Let's define spanking before we go any further.

    Spanking is never done as an impulse. Smacking your kid in the face for mouthing off to you is *NOT* spanking. Beating your kid out of anger is not spanking. That's abuse.

    My dad, who is a wonderful man, would sit us on his knee and ask us to repeat or tell us exactly what we did wrong. And it had to be bad - like the time I stabbed a boy with a dinner fork for making fun of my dress. (Like I said, it depends on the kid, and I definitely had my moments). Sending me to my room was not a punishment, I'd just go read a book and think I'd been given a break. As I grew up, the threat of awful housework jobs like weeding the tomatoes or cleaning beetles out of the cellar had some deterrent ability.

    And he'd hug us afterwards and tell me that he still loved me and was sorry that I had chosen to do that and that he'd hoped I'd never do it again. It was very evident to me that my misbehavior made him sad even though I was sadder for the spanking.

  9. #9
    puffin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Cambridgeshire
    Posts
    1,989

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Quote grail
    Let's define spanking before we go any further.

    Spanking is never done as an impulse. Smacking your kid in the face for mouthing off to you is *NOT* spanking. Beating your kid out of anger is not spanking. That's abuse.
    I understand what you are saying and i have been told that i confuse spanking and abuse.
    I get very upset at the thought of anyone smaking there children so i find it hard to seperate the two. Pain is pain as far as i am concerned and i do my best to stop anyone hurting my children. For example, i had to go to the school today because my son had been punched in the face now if i smaked him i would find it hard to storm in there and tell the teachers that my child will not come to school to be hurt. I told her that i have never laid a hand on him and i do not expect it to happen when i send him to school. Now some may think i am being over protective but my son needs to see than any form of violence is not tolerated.

  10. #10
    catmogg's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    623

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I got walloped a few times by my mum. Usually with slightly comic objects... she actually tried to whack me with a big bag of hay once!! As soon as we realised what had happened we both immediately burst into laughter. It backfired on her when she threw a large book at me and my wrist swelled up twice its normal size. She felt terrible. My dad only hit me once, i was four and it was for refusing to wear a lambswool jumper because it was itchy (See how cool i was?) He hit me really hard and I just remember being totally shell shocked. It never happened again.

    I completely agree with Cherry - theres no point punishing a child without them understanding why, so lashing out is totally unhelpful. As for 'controlled spanking' i dont feel comfortable with this either. I think there are better ways to help children distinguish right and wrong. I dont think the use of physical pain is the answer.
    My turn of mind is so given to taking things in the absurd point of view that it breaks out in spite of me every now and then.

    - Byron

  11. #11
    puffin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Cambridgeshire
    Posts
    1,989

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Quote catmogg
    theres no point punishing a child without them understanding why, so lashing out is totally unhelpful. As for 'controlled spanking' i dont feel comfortable with this either. I think there are better ways to help children distinguish right and wrong. I dont think the use of physical pain is the answer.
    I agree.

  12. #12
    tabitha
    Guest

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    No I was never spanked. Had a lot of mental torture though. Theres lots of different ways to have a shit childhood isnt there.

  13. #13
    grail's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    US
    Posts
    111

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I think also, as we continue this discussion, it would be good to say how many kids you have and how old they are.

    I have one daughter who is a year old and understands the word "no" - she stops and turns around and literally growls at me when I tell her no. It's very cute that she actually listens even a little at that age.

  14. #14
    Why hello! xwitchymagicx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Manchester, England
    Posts
    1,823

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I never was much but I think i'd be able to deal with the physical side rather than emotional hurt??
    "It's not that people suddenly start breeding like rabbits; it's just that people stopped dropping like flies" - population explosion

  15. #15
    grail's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    US
    Posts
    111

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    so true, tabitha!!!!!!!!

    My mom was the mental abuser in the family. I'd take a spanking from my dad over some swearing, name-calling ("worthless!") and slapping from my mom anyday.

  16. #16
    puffin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Cambridgeshire
    Posts
    1,989

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Quote tabitha
    No I was never spanked. Had a lot of mental torture though. Theres lots of different ways to have a shit childhood isnt there.
    Yes there is and both are just as bad. It makes me wonder why some parents actually had kids if they treat them like they dont want them.

    Grail, my children are 8 and 2 and both boys.

  17. #17
    grail's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    US
    Posts
    111

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    cool, puffin.

    I'm not really "pro-spanking" - I am adopting this position just for discussion sake and also because I want to promote the idea that parenting methods should vary from child to child. I plan to not spank if at all possible.

  18. #18
    perfect RedWellies's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Herefordshire, England
    Posts
    2,839

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Yes I was spanked and I hated it. I hate seeing adults smacking their children and I'm totally against it. When I was old enough I was able to stand up to my mum and I told her if she ever tried to spank me again, she'd get it straight back. She never did it again.
    "Do what you can with what you have where you are."
    - Theodore Roosevelt

  19. #19

    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    London, UK
    Posts
    39

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Interesting thread. I have one 16 month old son and have never, and will never spank him. Its a personal choice, but I just think its wrong to use any kind of violence against kids, however "controlled" or well meant (should also mention that whilst it may be a *personal choice* for the parent, its never the *choice of the child to be spanked). I don't see how anything positive can come out of it, and I'm also not sure how anyone can justify using spanking to teach valuable lessons to impressionable children.

    Surely all that happens it that both the parent and the child feel bad, negative, and resentful? I'm not judging anyone who does spank, it's just that I find it so hard to get my head around. I feel that it's illogical to try and show your kids how to behave well, responsibley, with love and respect towards others, by being so ill-behaved, irresponsible, cruel and disrespectful. I guess I base my parenting philosophy on being a good role model and behaving empathetically towards Oz (my son), something which spanking just doesn't fit right with. He sleeps in our bed, has done since birth, how could I ever hit him???

    I'm the eldest of four, and both Tim, my brother who's next in line and I were spanked as children. My parents feel awful about it. They never laid a finger on their subsequent kids - my sister and youngest brother. Both my parents are very loving people, Tim and I have been able to talk to both my mum and dad about why we were spanked, and why they though it was the right thing to do at the time. Hindsight is a healer in this case for us. Based on my own and my parents' experiences of spanking as a form of discipline, I know its not for me.

    Part of the reason I parent the way I do (attachment style, positive parenting), is because of these experiences. It was never *that* bad, it wasn't systematic violence or anything, more like slaps on the legs, on the bottom with an open hand, occasionally a wooden spoon. But, I can remember VIVIDLY how I felt when I was spanked, and when my brother was spanked. It felt shameful, embarrasing, and disturbing. I hated myself, and hated my parents. I knew at the time, how awful my parents felt, and that made it worse. We all just felt utterly wretched and I couldn't say that it hasn't left scars, traces of resentment (my brother still finds it hard to talk to my parents about it now without getting angry, shouting and then finally crying - he's 22). Children are incredibly sensitive, some more than others and they pick up on miniscule nuances of emotion, that they're not always mature enough to deal with.

    Parenting is HARD, and I find it tests my limits emotionally and physically everyday. But, I just feel I owe it to myself and my son to find different ways of disciplining.

    Hannah xxx

  20. #20
    driftingAway piggy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    France
    Posts
    419

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Quote Yoggy

    I was spanked quite a bit as a young child (it stopped when I hit 9 or 10). Usually it was open-handed, but one time my mom used the wooden spoon and broke it on my butt . She never did that again LOL.
    haha, that used to be my mom's favourite method
    Piggy

  21. #21
    sugarmouse
    Guest

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    not very often spanked..i was hit as i got older..it ruined any relationship i mayve had with my father and i deeeply regret that now i dont see him very often...iwas a very mature thoughtful kid and i knew i didnt deserve it.it was veyr much done because of his temper.
    il never have kids...so chances are my kids wont get spanked

  22. #22

    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    California
    Posts
    686

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    as a child i was spanked on occassion, and a few times was even back handed, although just the threat of any punishment was usually enough for me. the thing is, i don't think any of the spankings were at all necessary, and I hope that when I have children I will be able to control myself enough to never lay hand on my own.
    Peace Love Surf.

  23. #23
    Veganbear's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    87

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I was spanked all the time.

    If I had kids, I'd hit them too. The reason there's so many kids with horrible behavior is that they don't get spanked. They don't get a real punishment, so they keep being rotten.

    When I'm out places and there's screaming brats, I wish I could hit them. If a kid accidently runs into me, I'll yell at it. I don't care if the parents are standing right there.

    This thread reminds me of a story:

    A co-worker said her daughter was misbehaving, so she spanked her. Her daughter said, "I'm going to tell my teacher!" So she goes, "Wait! Come back!" The daughter comes back and she spanks her again and says, "Now you have something to tell her!"

    I would never hit an animal, no matter what it did.

  24. #24

    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    California
    Posts
    686

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Quote Veganbear
    I would never hit an animal, no matter what it did.
    but u'd hit an equally defenseless child...
    Peace Love Surf.

  25. #25
    perfect RedWellies's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Herefordshire, England
    Posts
    2,839

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Why would you never hit an animal but you would hit a child???
    "Do what you can with what you have where you are."
    - Theodore Roosevelt

  26. #26
    Yoggy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Ottawa
    Posts
    830

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Quote Veganbear
    If a kid accidently runs into me, I'll yell at it.
    Would you do the same thing if an adult accidentally ran into you? An accident is just that, an accident. If you accidentally bumped into someone, do you think you would deserve to get yelled at? No one should be yelled at for doing something unintentionally.

    That said, I see many many out-of-control children misbehaving badly while their parents are right there, and the parents do nothing. I think the kids SHOULD be disciplined, just not with physical violence.
    "Man can do as he wills, but not will as he wills" - Arthur Schopenhauer

  27. #27
    feral
    Guest

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    So Veganbear you'll not mind then when one of these kids parents hits you a smack in the teeth for yelling at their kid?

    I hate to see unruly kids in public but certainly wouldn't yell at one. While I was doing my degree I looked after my brother's two kids (1 1/2 & 2 1/2 yrs old) one day a week and I never had to raise my voice or smack them. A tap with my finger on the back of their hand while making eye contact and firmly stating no was enough. My lil nephew would then stick out his bottom lip and sulk lol. My sister in law screamed at them constantly and they never listened. My mum parked 2 doors up from their house one day and could her my SIL screaming at them, my mum never interferes but had to go into the house and tell her that the neighbours could all hear her. My SIL actually said one day that one word from me and the kids did as they were told, yeah because auntie feral didn't scream at them every time they behaved like kids!

    My father beat us violently until I got old enough to defend myself. I still see him because my mum's still married to him but if he ever has a stroke or anything he'll be carted off to the next available home, damn sure I'd be looking after him and my mum feels the same.

    Even so I have seen occaisons when a child should have been smacked but it's in extreme cases.

    Tbh Veganbear I find your attitude disturbing.

  28. #28

    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    California
    Posts
    686

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I agree whole-heartedly Yoggy. And the thing is, using the same argument that physical discipline is the only way to make a child behave could be used for hitting animals, i.e. why do you think there are so many dogs that pee on carpets, because they don't get a good whacking....
    Peace Love Surf.

  29. #29
    Veganbear's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    87

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Quote RedWellies
    Why would you never hit an animal but you would hit a child???
    Kids do things to deserve to be hit. I think it's horrible when people hit their animals with newspapers and stuff. WHY would you do something to upset an animal?????

  30. #30
    ♥♥♥ Tigerlily's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Atlantic Canada
    Posts
    5,007

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Technically children are animals too.
    Peace, love, and happiness.

  31. #31
    Veganbear's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    87

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Quote Yoggy
    Would you do the same thing if an adult accidentally ran into you? An accident is just that, an accident. If you accidentally bumped into someone, do you think you would deserve to get yelled at? No one should be yelled at for doing something unintentionally.

    Adults have BUMPED into me, but I was at the store and this stupid kid RAN into me. Control your kids and they won't get yelled at. ALL kids should have to be on a leash. I admire the parents I have seen with their kids on a leash. They know how to control them.

  32. #32
    Veganbear's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    87

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Quote feral
    [COLOR=darkslateblue]So Veganbear you'll not mind then when one of these kids parents hits you a smack in the teeth for yelling at their kid?[/COLOR
    They'd be the one spending some time in jail or getting a big fine. Maybe then they'll learn to control their kids.

  33. #33
    feral
    Guest

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Now I've gone from being disturbed to being disgusted!

  34. #34

    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    California
    Posts
    686

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Quote feral
    Now I've gone from being disturbed to being disgusted!
    agreed, although i retain the first sentiment as well
    Peace Love Surf.

  35. #35
    scruffyhead's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    land of dreams
    Posts
    130

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I remember once when i was 7yrs old 50p went missing, my mother told my father when he got in that i was the only person in the house at the time apart from my mum that is. so my dad sat me down and said "right Tony where is it" i told him it wasnt me, he said i was lying and if i didnt own up i was going to get a whack, so because i didnt want to get whacked i said it was me and some older boy had taken it off me. So he gave me a whack!?!
    Later on my mother found the 50p under some stuff on the side and told my dad it hadnt been me after all. i got another whack for lying!?!? work that one out lol

  36. #36
    Rhiannon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Ipswich,UK
    Posts
    41

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I was spanked all the time as a child, usually with a wooden spoon or slipper, or whatever was around i guess. I dont even think half the time I realised why I was getting punished.
    I dont have any kids at the moment but if i do I will never be spanking them, I personally believe there are other ways to teach a child right from wrong. I find it difficult to see a difference between this "spanking" and "abuse". I realise that if the child has literally done nothing wrong but is hit anyway then that is abuse, but isnt any form of "spanking" a child whether or not you think they done something bad just abuse, I dont think any child deserves to be spanked so hard that they are wailing in pain (and causing wooded spoons to brake etc), i still call that abuse, sorry if others dissagree there. I cant stand hearing people saying they plan to spank their children (unless its a gentle tap on the hand that is not in any way painful, but then i dont really see the point in that either).

  37. #37
    Good sperm
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Sarf Lahndn
    Posts
    1,509

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I was spanked once or twice, but I was generally a good kid so I behaved.
    I do agree though, sometimes a smack, not a hard wallop across the face or anything like that, is the only way to stop some kids.
    I've observed friends and relatives of mine trying to reason with their kids, offering them bribes, doing the 'naughty step' and all sorts of things, but the kid has decided it's going to act like a brat and misbehave until it gets what it wants so none of this works. Until the Nan comes along, gives them a smack on the lower arm or thigh-NOT hard just enough to shock them-and says 'Stop it!'
    Job done, kid behaves. Once they calm down Nan gives them a cuddle and talks to the kid about why they needed a smack, because they were being naughty, and gives them a kiss and a cuddle. Kid toddles off to play completely fine.
    I think a combination of love, encouragement and disclipline is the best way. Smacks are a last resort and often other tactics will work, but every now and again they go into Brat Mode and it's the only way. And it must ALWAYS ALWAYS be followed up by an explanation and a kiss and a cuddle.

  38. #38
    perfect RedWellies's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Herefordshire, England
    Posts
    2,839

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Quote Veganbear
    Kids do things to deserve to be hit.
    Personally, I don't think anyone deserves to be hit. There are other ways to discipline a child. Violence just breeds violence.
    "Do what you can with what you have where you are."
    - Theodore Roosevelt

  39. #39
    Cake Fairy Cherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Rugby. In the middle.
    Posts
    2,169

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Quote puffin
    I get very upset at the thought of anyone smaking there children so i find it hard to seperate the two. Pain is pain as far as i am concerned
    Me too. I was exaggerating somewhat with the 'beaten to a pulp' but I don't think causing physical pain is a very humane way of dealing with kids.

    My nephew was hit on a regular basis (in what could be argued as 'a controlled manner') and it really didn't work. He would be hit for doing things that children do and I don't think it was helpful to say the least. I wouldn't call it child abuse, but I think that there are more constructive ways of dealing with bad behaviour.

  40. #40
    feral
    Guest

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I'm sorry, can I point out that there is a big differenced between controlled smacking (like amf's nan) and child abuse and by insisting the two are the same you are blittling the suffering and trauma that truely abused children go through. I know people don't mean to do this but in order for people to be able to truely understand life whe shouldn't go blurring the boundries just so it makes our own stance seem stronger. I hope I haven't offended anyone, it's not my intention. This doesn not mean I condone/encouage smacking.

  41. #41
    Goddess foxytina_69's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    3,457

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    my dad would try to spank me but id bust out laughing and really minimized what he was trying to do so he never did it again LOL. i was like good try buddy, try somethin new

    my mom spanked me when i was around 5.
    "you dont have to be tall to see the moon" - african proverb

  42. #42

    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    London, UK
    Posts
    39

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Feral, you are right there's a big difference between abuse and smacking. I'm not at all sure how obvious this difference is to children though I still maintain that smacking is unnecessary, no matter how "bad" or "naughty" the child is (can you tell I hate those words? lol!). If during an argument, my partner felt a "good slap" would get his point across to me more succesfully, I'd hightail it down to our local nick and have him up for assault. Using violence is not acceptable to us as adults and nor is it to children, although we rarely ask their opinion on the matter. I don't mean to say that a spanking is the same as being systematically beaten up, bruised, and abused, but I do feel that trying to distinguish between the two can be a bit of a grey area for some people and is open to personal interpretation. It's impossible to know how your "harmless" slap may seem to a child, or even how it may be perceived by another adult, but you can be sure that it will send a confusing message about violence and agression to that child. I feel that in the long run any form of physcial chastisement could cause pent up negative emotion, which is neither healthy nor helpful to a child's emotional development.

  43. #43
    feral
    Guest

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Quote VeganMoominGirl
    Feral, you are right there's a big difference between abuse and smacking. I'm not at all sure how obvious this difference is to children though
    Tbh, speaking from experience there is a big difference even to a child. The difference being the feeling of dread by a child who knows it's about to get an open handed smack on the legs/bum to a child who's blood runs cold and prays for an open handed smack.

    Again this is not to say I condone/encourage smacking. I feel it's important to separate these issues as the horrific abuse inflicted on some children does not need or deserve to be grouped with light (albeit unpleasant) physical punishment for a wrongdoing. Grouping the two strengthens the anti-smacking cause but similarly weakens the understanding of true abuse in the general public.. i.e. "sure those bloody bleeding hearts brigade think a smack on the arse is abuse what would they know" the likely attitude of a parent just before they punch their 4yr old in the face.

    Again I am in no means trying to offend/judge/target members on this thread but when talking about such an emotive subject we must be aware that blurring the lines can, sometimes, do more harm than good.

    I respect the opinions of all but one person on this thread, and it think I've made it clear which one. You guys have a lovely attitude to live and I appreciate being welcomed into your group

  44. #44
    LittleMissVegan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Barnsley for my past sins!
    Posts
    169

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Yup I had my arse tanned a million times when I was younger when I was bad and it stopped me right in my tracks. It worked and I can't say it ruined my life. But it depends- Some parents can take it too far.

    I suppose it depends on the age of the child (ie old enough to know better) and how naughty what they are doing is. Sometimes a smack (nothing too harsh) does stop them and sometimes with some kids it is the only way- parents need control of children as they could put themselves in danger.

    Mind you it's all about playing mind tricks with them now-

    Get to that naughty step LOL!!!
    "Eating responsibly at McDonald's is like going to a strip club for iced tea."


  45. #45
    frugivorous aubergine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Orbiting London
    Posts
    2,282

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    ...

  46. #46
    Tottering Bunny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Kent, UK
    Posts
    322

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I have three children Two girls aged 5 and 3 and a little boy os ten months. When I was new to it all I would tap their hands gently and say no. I also did shout at them. Then I realised that these methods just didn't work at all. Now their punishments are all relevant to the "crime". They often sit on a "naughty step" where they can see nothing interesting, are not spoken to and is just generally boring. They hate this and the threat of it is usually enough to stop most kinds of naughtiness.

    Other things that work well are confiscating their favourite toys, making them pay for things they have broken, losing out on treats... all things that have an immediate effect. I have a "friend" (really just an aquaintance) who screams at her children and smacks them when they misbehave. All that happens is that they become immune to loud shouts. It all goes over their heads. To get their attention she has to get louder and louder or smack harder and harder. It just doesn't work.

    A really big part of discipline is never to threaten anything you won't carry out. I have seem many people threaten a child with "if you do that again then we will leave" when they're at a party or something. The child may repeat the behaviour again and again and the parent doesn't leave. The child then loses respect for that punishment, as it has been proven to be pointless - it never gets carried out. With my children, I threatened that once, they carried on being naughty so we left. Now they know I mean what I say and so anything I warn them about gets listened to. On the offchance they continue - I follow through with my threat!

    My children are really well behaved and I never need to smack them. I don't think spanking is necessarily wrong, I just don't think it is the most effective punishment.

  47. #47
    grail's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    US
    Posts
    111

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    VeganMoominGirl wrote:
    "(should also mention that whilst it may be a *personal choice* for the parent, its never the *choice of the child to be spanked). "

    ________________________________________

    So what if it's your child's choice to tear wings off flies, to eat meat? Are you going to just let them do whatever they *choose*?

    The whole idea of discipline, although not pretty, requires something we would not choose to do. It would be nice to only ever have to give positive feedback, but sometimes that's not possible. Then what do you do, ignore the behavior and hope it goes away?

  48. #48
    puffin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Cambridgeshire
    Posts
    1,989

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Quote Veganbear
    Kids do things to deserve to be hit.
    Can i have an example please.

    I could say the same if some one decided to get on my nerves, run into me, annoy me etc. I would never hit anyone and not a small child who needs to be told what is right and wrong. And to say kids are getting worse because they are not being smaked is just wrong. Its because parents dont bother with there children, dont bother to explain what wright and wrong. I have seen many parents telling there kids if they dont shut up they will get smacked, for goodness sake what kind of example are these parents being to there children. My eldest is calm, non violent and behaves, he knows what is right and wrong and he know what reapect is and i never had to lay a finger on him.

  49. #49
    grail's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    US
    Posts
    111

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Excellent post, Absentmindedfan, I agree!

  50. #50
    puffin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Cambridgeshire
    Posts
    1,989

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Quote Cherry

    My nephew was hit on a regular basis (in what could be argued as 'a controlled manner') and it really didn't work. He would be hit for doing things that children do and I don't think it was helpful to say the least. I wouldn't call it child abuse, but I think that there are more constructive ways of dealing with bad behaviour.
    I agree, and i have seen people in the street smaking there children and two minutes later they are doing the same thing they got told of for.
    Yes reds violence breads violence and i cant see how you can teach your children not to hit out and hit them yourself.

Similar Threads

  1. My child has been ill and won't eat
    By VeganZee in forum Parents and children
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: Aug 8th, 2011, 03:53 PM
  2. Johani, the ape-child
    By rainleaf in forum Human evolution and environmental issues
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: May 22nd, 2009, 08:45 AM
  3. Replies: 84
    Last Post: May 6th, 2007, 03:11 PM
  4. Encouagement for my Child
    By girbey in forum Parents and children
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: Jul 10th, 2006, 05:46 PM

Tags for this thread (If you see one or more tags below, click on them if you're looking for similar threads!)

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •