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Thread: Were you spanked as a child?

  1. #101
    ~Luna~'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I was spanked quite a lot actually, sometimes even by my older brother when he was visiting us (he used to get angry at me every single time at least once). Once my mom hit me so that I even got nosebleed. I remember hitting back every time I got spanked so maybe they gave up spanking when I grew up too strong..

    I think I could hit my child if I ever got one but not without a very good reason (he or she doing something really bad like torturing animals, stealing etc.).

  2. #102
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I was a kid that was removed form an abusive enviorment as a child, i would end up being reared in love by my grandparents, i have experienced both sides of the coin, there was never a question om that I would be guiding in non violence....I was told recently by a professional that they now have found that even if you weren't hit but witnessed a sibling being beaten it can have profound effects on you....

    Eclectic One thankyou for the additonal info, as you suggested, I can attest to it works..... I have 3 boys and they are great kids......


    Vegan 1969 you were very fortunate to be parented in the manner you were and i'm sure you will make an excellent parent.We know so much now there is no reason to keep doing the same old same old......


    and we wonder why society is so violent it begins with a slap......
    Mother nature doesn't except excuses only man does.....

  3. #103
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    What a sad/good thread. I don't think about my mom much but we nick named her "Mommy Dearest". To this day I really don't like her or speak with her.

    She prepetuated all of the mental abuse and would slap you across the face at the drop of a hat. A very angry and emotionally unbalanced woman.

    I as a parent will never and do not hit my daughter. I believe that hitting a child is no different then hitting an adult. It should be a crime.

    Parents with unruly kids are in my opinion parents that don't care enough to make them behave and children that have no respect for their parents.

    Sheila
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  4. #104

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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Quote ~Luna~
    I was spanked quite a lot actually, sometimes even by my older brother when he was visiting us (he used to get angry at me every single time at least once). Once my mom hit me so that I even got nosebleed. I remember hitting back every time I got spanked so maybe they gave up spanking when I grew up too strong..

    I think I could hit my child if I ever got one but not without a very good reason (he or she doing something really bad like torturing animals, stealing etc.).
    if it didn't seem to work on you, why would you even think of putting it into practice??
    Peace Love Surf.

  5. #105
    vegan1969
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    If I had kids, I'd hit them too. The reason there's so many kids with horrible behavior is that they don't get spanked. They don't get a real punishment, so they keep being rotten.
    "Research has established that far from correcting the child, physical punishment can do lasting harm.
    First of all, by physically punishing a small child, we are not teaching him to be sorry for what he has done, all he is doing is just learning to be afraid of our anger.
    The child mat well grow up either fearful where he is always afraid of doing something wrong or he may become sly where he learns to hide what he is doing from us.
    Children who incur excessive physical punishment often end up becoming stubborn. Instead of learning a lesson and not repeating a naughty act, they just learn to endure the pain and continue doing what they want.
    By physically punishing a child, we are sending the message that might is right. They will grow up believing that it is alright to hurt people they are smaller and weaker.
    Since the child cannot retaliate, he may end up harbouring anger, fear and resentment against the parents which may express themselves in other ways.
    By giving way to our temper, we are only making our lack of self-control more evident. Apart from this, our aggression and anger can cause deep rooted insecurity in the child. This can lead to life long complexes.
    What one should do is to rein in one's temper. Tell the child what he was done wrong. Be sure to enforce the message that it is not the child that is at fault but his behavior. If at all the child needs to be disciplined, there are other ways of doing it.
    Take a positive approach to help the child develop self-discipline which will eventually do away with the needs for punishment altogether (physical or otherwise).
    Parents are the child's whole world. By physically punishing the child we can really shake his foundations."

  6. #106
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    My dad used to smack me as a child. He got very angry and used to just lash out in impulse. He never hurt me badly, but im sure I had a few bruises. I remember the LAST time he did it. I must have annoyed him and I new what was coming so i ran and hid under the table and he chased me and tried to get me out of the table, then he just stopped and never did it again. I don't know why...

    Ive got my dads short temper too, but when I have children I will not do anything like that.
    (5/05/06)

  7. #107
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    My parents are from Trinidad and Aruba....they dont play games ova there. So the answer is yes.
    "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

  8. #108

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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I remember once when I was about 6 my brother dared me to stand on the toilet and pee into the sink. At the time I could think of nothing else on earth that could possibly be funnier, so I hopped to it. I left the bathroom door open (there's no use being shy about these things), and my dad heard the merry-making and came upstairs to check things out - busted!!

    My young mind was not nimble enough to explain my actions, so I got a mini-hiding for that, which I thought was a fair cop really. I was only in my jim-jams too, so no hope of slipping a copy of War and Peace down the back before the retribution began.

    Then later on, my Dad was cleaning my teeth for me, and just walloped me again, mid-clean I guess he was just running the evening's highlights through his head again, and was freshly angered by my pee-crimes. Fair enough, I suppose
    "I've been very hungry, but not enough to kill" - The Clash

  9. #109

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    vegan1969, what sources do you have for these comments? Just wondered because even though I've read much of it before, I don't know all the sources when I give information to my classes
    When you are guided by compassion and loving-kindness, you are able to look deeply into the heart of reality and see the truth.--Thich Nhat Hanh

  10. #110
    Limey
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Absolutely not. My mom tried to spank me once, when I was 5, and she ended up crying. I laughed only because it didn't hurt. My siblings and I were never hit by her or anyone else. I grew up in CT and most of my friends were not hit, either. I honestly didn't realize parents still did that to their kids until I moved down south. I had one class in college, Family Dynamics, and the professor asked everyone by show of hands if they were hit as kids. Apart from me and another girl, everyone raised their hands. Interestingly enough, she and I were the only ones from the north and the rest were good 'old southern kids.

    It just doesn't make sense to me, however I can understand why some parents do it. They reach that absolute level of frustration/anger and don't know what else to do. This does not make it right, though. I think parents need to start from day 1 communicating with their kids about right and wrong and give punishments other than physical/verbal abuse. And most importantly, follow through them!

    My brothers, sister and I never really got out of hand and if we did, it was far worse to have our parents disappointed and lose trust in us than actually getting hit by them.

  11. #111

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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    It just seems so thuggish to smack a kid. I see my brother smack his kids sometimes and I really don't get it. It takes their power away.

    It's an uncreative person's method of discipline.

  12. #112

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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Mum hit me sometimes. As a child and as an adult too until I left home.

    I would agree that Smacking/spanking really doesn't do much good. I know with my first guide dog Bruce's trainer was really big on what she termed 'physical correction'. I don't use this on my current dog Jilli and I find her to be a much better behaved dog.

  13. #113
    princessemma
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I was smacked and I do remember being frightened of my dad, he'd shout I'm bringing my stick up. He didn't have a stick but he did smack us pretty hard and he accidently burn't my brother with his ciggarette whilst smacking him once and he hurt my sister's ears pretty badly.
    I used to smack my daughter (now 3) very rarely only about three times altogether, but I felt even then it was wrong and I felt sick with guilt afterwards. I haven't smacked her for a long time and I hope will never do it again. It doesn't teach the child or help the adult it's an act of desperation and there are better methods of disapline. My daughter goes in the 'naughty spot' now and that gives us both a chance to calm down.
    I don't think people who smack their children are monsters or automatically bad parents but I choose not to do it to my daughter.

  14. #114
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I was spanked but only if i did something out of order.I wouldn't class it as abuse compared to what you see a lot of kids having to go through.
    Seeing my parents shout at each other always seemed to have more of an effect on me than any phsical punishment i got.Physical pain is there then goes away but not understanding why something is happening is far worse for a child.
    Disobedience is the true foundation of liberty!

  15. #115
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I'd like to be spanked as an adult.

  16. #116
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I did some bad things as a kid , (I'm a good kid now) that I got a real beating for but I hold no grudge because I really think I needed it. One day, I had a cork gun, like a double barrel shot gun type, filled it up with gravel from the drive way and shot my sister in the face! I have no idea why. Dad about broke that gun in half over my butt as he beat me with it. I remember the punishment. One afternoon mom heard me swearing and got me in a head lock over the sink with a bar of Ivory soap telling me we needed to wash the dirty words out of my mouth! Now that was rather sick, yuck. Today a kid could sue and cause parents much grief.

  17. #117
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I was never smacked....My Dad used to lunge at us occasionally but my Mum always saved the day!! ;-) It was pretty rare.

    Actually once when my sister and I were little and splashing and being very out of control in the bath my Mum told us to stand up and gave a little tap on the bot. Since she is really anti-smacking we love to remind her of this.

    I have given the occasional tap on the bottom to my little girls when they have been really out of control but it has no effect...

    My husband was hit regularly with a belt by his Dad :-(

  18. #118
    Lilac Hamster
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I was smacked occasionally but only when I was really very naughty, I don't consider the level of smacking I got as being the abusive part of my childhood, not at all.

    Princess Emma, that is terrible, your dad sounds abusive and not only for the smacking but for smoking around you and your siblings and being so careless with it. Even my mother would have never been that bad as to accidentally burn me and she was and still is a heavy smoker (i avoided being around her as much as possible and can feel little love for her, but under the circumstances it makes sense to me how i feel as she is the one with the problem).

    It was my dad who smacked me but it's my mum I resent and feel as she did me more harm smoking around me than the odd smack from my dad. I don't think it did any harm or any good being smacked as it was only when I was very naughty, it did not help because I was the kind of child who just got more angry and stubborn because I had been smacked, it just gave me an excuse to be even worse. It's not as if I was smacked for absolutely nothing, so I'm not angry with my dad, but I am mostly against it and the very few occasions I ever smacked my kids I felt terrible about it. I'm angry with my mum because I tried to reason with her about what she was doing to my health and she just would not listen or change. That was definitely more abusive and disrespectful than a smack.

  19. #119
    pavotrouge
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I don't have any memories about being hit in any way, in spite of knowing that I must have been a brat from hell until my brother was born (single kids ).

  20. #120
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I got smacked and restrained but not violentlyin order to stop me from doing things or if I was very badly behaved. My mum regrets doing it but it didn't bother me in the slightest although I'm not sure I would do it to my own children if I become a mother. I have mixed feelings; beating a child is always wrong and is a form of abuse but a brief slap is very different. I wouldn't be sure whether a toddler would understand a punishment that wasn't instantanious and could be associated with the behaviour. Many children seem to ignore being shouted at. It perhaps depends on the child as well.

    The only things my parents have done that have really upset me have been spoken.

  21. #121

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    My mum was a professional violinist who hit me but once when I was a lippy 8 or 9 and hurt her hand so she had to cancel an important solo concert.
    My Dad tried to hit me once when I was about 13 but regretted it from his sudden position on the floor looking up at his Judo brown belt son.
    Crap at abuse, my family. Too much love, thankfully.
    I have never laid a hand on my lovely Bethan (15) and she's ace. Polite, kind and selfless.

  22. #122

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Yes frequently, with just about anything my mother could lay her hands on. Her favourite items to use were wooden spoons & spatulas (she broke a few on me that way), or the wooden soled Schol sandals.

  23. #123
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    i just read in my baby book from when i was 2 1/2 -

    ' "don't smack my bottom mummy, i'm not a naughty girl" is the catchphrase with a pleading look..'

    i don't remember being smacked so young, can't think that if i was it was anything more than to stop me from doing anything naughty/dangerous

    my punishments when i got a little older were more humiliating imo...i had to write endless lines x100 eg "i must not swing on the washing line' and having to stand facing a wall with my hands on my head for half an hour or so whilst noone was allowed to acknowledge me, but i will say that even though these punishments seem mild in comparison to anyone on here who's posted about being smacked/spanked, there are lasting mental effects

    i don't smack my children, i have yelled to the point of crying when i've felt under extreme pressure with them (kids can be manipulative and know exactly which buttons to press), but i reckon complete consistency and following through explaining why they can't behave in certain ways is THE way to get the message across.

    from an earlier post was the point of some parents threatening to do certain stuff..you have to see that through otherwise they learn pretty quickly to take the piss and push and push

  24. #124
    sugarmouse
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    My childhood I think, has made me a pushover.I Was too terrified to stand up for myself then , so for most of my life I haven't done it either. Without going too deep, I think I maybe thought that was just how it was meant to be, it was ok to be bad to me.

  25. #125

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    i have been hit once - and after that, i said i hated my mom, and would never love her again. she deserved that. YOU DON'T HIT CHILDREN.
    I have more than once, told a grown-up hitting their kids or yelling at them in public, that they are the scum of mankind, and that if i ever saw them again doing that, i would smack them, to make them see how it feels to be hit or yelled at (not the "don't do that"-kind of yeld, but the "your worthless, you don't deserve anything"-kind of yeld.). i have no intention on looking at parents abusing their children, and i find it disgusting, when i'm the only person who reacts in public. if someone hit me, i'd hit them back three times as hard, but a kid is not able to defend themselves against grown ups. it's an unfair game, since the adult have the complete power in any situation. if a kid isn't capable of behaving nicely, it is NEVER THE KID'S FAULT. it is usually the parents, who have not been able of teaching the kids to behave. it is not something the kid should be punished for; rather the adult looking into themselves, to find out what they're doing wrong.

    if ANY adult EVER hit my child, i would make them suffer so badly, that they wish they were dead. cause that's how it is to children, when adults are abusing them (and YES IT IS ABUSIVE TO SPANK YOUR CHILD - there are several tests made on shcoolkids, that prove that exact fact.)

    i find that people often don't realise that making a human being feeling worthless is one of the most disgusting and abusive things you can do. and every child has its own limit, for when it feels like that.
    if you're not able to make your kid a decent adult by taking with it, and raising it with love, you're not a worthy parent in my eyes.

  26. #126
    Yoggy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Quote Smoothie View Post
    if a kid isn't capable of behaving nicely, it is NEVER THE KID'S FAULT. it is usually the parents, who have not been able of teaching the kids to behave. it is not something the kid should be punished for; rather the adult looking into themselves, to find out what they're doing wrong.
    That is SO true Smoothie! Have you ever seen "Nanny 911"? The parents always start out saying "Help, my kids are out of control, they're evil, they don't listen to me, etc". Then the nanny comes in, looks at the situation, and says it's all the parents' fault. And the parents get all angry and defensive. But it is their fault, EVERY TIME!
    "Man can do as he wills, but not will as he wills" - Arthur Schopenhauer

  27. #127
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I wouldn't hit my children, when I get round to having some, but I can see how discipline has evolved over the years- the was a time when, in many cultures, fathers could legally kill their children. we've moved on somewhat from that- in the west at least

  28. #128
    Lilac Hamster
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    I'm just waiting to see one of those supernanny experts tell some parents off for smoking around their kids, intentionally and knowingly poisoning them, enough parents get slammed for giving kids junk food but no-one ever dares say anything directly to parents about making their kids passively smoke! That's much worse and more damaging than the occasional smack, I know this from my own childhood, and I notice how the people who are most judgemental about parents who have smacked a child EVEN JUST ONCE are usually those who are not at that stage in life themselves yet, and probably do not have a clue how tough it can be being a parent! Some kids are definitely more hard work than others (often within the same family), even though they have the same parents so I don't agree you can always blame the parents, it's not always that simple and clear-cut. A lot of younger ppl tend to see these things too much in black and white - I probably used to. Some people end up good even after a bad upbringing and others end up bad even after good parenting.
    I actually feel worse about not always being consistent and sometimes being too tired to do the best I should for my kids, than for giving the occasional smack long ago, which I do regret a bit. There is no such thing as the perfect parent! Not sure we have moved on that far Justin, mothers can still have their kids killed in the womb, so I don't see the difference.

  29. #129
    Abe Froman Risker's Avatar
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I was glad to see that the guy on the 'never did me any harm' TV programme that was on tonight felt guilty after deciding to hit his children, unfortunately I think he convinced himself that what he did was right though.

    I was once told that 'violence never solves anything' and I firmly believe that. In my opinion anyone that hits a child should be charged with assault.
    "I don't want to live on this planet any more" - Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth

  30. #130
    sugarmouse
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    I am on the fence on this one actually.I wish I wasn't! I just am totally unsure about it.I do not know enough to form an opinion

  31. #131

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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    haha i was never really "spanked". my dad liked to joke around and "beat me with a stick" (which was really me giggling and hiding under a blanket and him hitting the couch lol). he says it's the only way to keep a child in line, haha my whole family is crazy. =]

  32. #132

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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I was spanked a few times as a child.

    I have a two year old boy and I would never spank my child. Children learn from us and what does it teach them when they "do something wrong" and we methodically and with intent hit them to teach them a lesson. The only lesson I can think that it teaches them is that when they do something an adult doesn't like they better either not get caught or that adult that is supposed to love them will have to use force and hit them. Aaaa where is the lesson in that what about how to handle emotions, how to handle difficult situations, how to ask for help? Hello....kids learn from us and trust us and quite frankly I find it interesting that a vegan can even think of using spanking or hitting as a form of discipline given the fact that we have so much compassion for animals and would never intentionally hurt them but we might our kids.

    I think it is so sad that in our world kids are thought of as parent's property and not individuals so much that as a minority group many vegans put animal rights over kids.

    Some great books to read:
    Unconditional Parenting
    Connection Parenting
    Hold Onto Your Kids

  33. #133
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Quote veganmama2K View Post
    where is the lesson in that what about how to handle emotions, how to handle difficult situations
    That's so true! Parents get angry at their kids for hitting other children or otherwise not controlling their emotions, and yet the parents can't even control their own emotions long enough to not hit their own kids? Where's the sense in that?

    But then, that's where my mom would come in and say, "Do as I say, not as I do". That phrase would make me literally shake with fury when she said it to me when I was a kid .
    "Man can do as he wills, but not will as he wills" - Arthur Schopenhauer

  34. #134
    Lilac Hamster
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    Yes I also hate that "do as I say not as I do" attitude from some parents!

    I am so proud of my daughter who used to nail-bite but has stopped a few months ago and seems to have stopped for good. I could not get cross and order her not to nail-bite because I bite mine, I could only say that she should try to stop if she has the willpower, even if I do not, and she has done it for herself with no pressure from me. I am very pleased with her and tell her I admire her having the willpower.

    I agree with parents setting a good example, that is why I think it is so important that parents should never smoke, or do illegal drugs or get blind-drunk! If they do these things they have no right to tell their kids, if they do not set a good example of behaviour.

    I hate hypocrisy, and I also admit it was a mistake to ever smack, it is a bad example.

    I felt guilty that one of my children did nail-bite for a few years because I know it was my fault I gave her a bad example, thankfully my other two are not nailbiters.

    I felt my mother had no right to tell me not to bite my nails because she smokes and that is so much worse! I would always throw her smoking in her face if she told me off for anything or for nailbiting. My attitude as a kid/teen to my mum was "So what why should I listen to you, you SMOKE, which is the worst thing and something I will NEVER do, so who are you to lecture me that I have any kind of bad habit?!" I was pretty rude to her at times but she deserved it. If she had quit I would have had some respect for her.

  35. #135
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Quote Lilac Hamster View Post
    I agree with parents setting a good example, that is why I think it is so important that parents should never smoke, or do illegal drugs or get blind-drunk!
    My parents do all 3 (well not so much the drinking anymore, they're too old to handle the alcohol LOL). However, I think that that was the reason that I have never smoked, done drugs or drank; I saw first-hand what it was like, so I never wanted to do it when I grew up. Also, it wasn't something that was "mysterious" or "special", like most kids think who have never seen it. I didn't need to try it to see what it was like; I saw it every day. In a way, I think I "rebelled" against my parents by being opposite to them and not doing any of the bad things that they did!

    I've often heard the phrase that the "bad" parents get the "good" kids. So I hope my kids don't end up smokers and drinkers because I'm not!
    "Man can do as he wills, but not will as he wills" - Arthur Schopenhauer

  36. #136

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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    my son is 21 months old and i would never ever consider spanking him! not only is it completely illegal (here in sweden) and immoral but also, in my view, the most unconstructive and disrespectful thing you could do to a child. if you use that as a method in a conflict or whilst trying to teach someone something, it will only cause frustration and mental blocking, and possibly a lifelong lack of trust and closeness.
    neither me nor my two older sisters were spanked by our parents but my dad was an emotional tyrant and a guilt-tripper. i consider that a form of violence two and it's an equally disgraceful method to spanking.

    no offence grail, but i can't believe someone would actually consider spanking their children at all, under any circumstances.
    would you hit an adult with whom you were having an argument? would you like to be slapped in the face/beaten with a stick/humiliated/belittled if you did something wrong?
    if not i don't think you should treat any other being like that, whether it's your kid or a pig!
    violence breeds violence.

    this is a very interesting discussion and quite possibly there are a lot of cultural differences to consider.

  37. #137
    Yoggy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    That's a good point about lack of trust, lou. I remember my mom once said to me, "You can come to me with anything, you know that?", and I laughed inwardly, knowing that I would never intentionally go to her and tell her I did something wrong. If I got spanked at the age of 8 for accidentally losing track of time and coming home late, then what could I expect for actually doing big things wrong??
    "Man can do as he wills, but not will as he wills" - Arthur Schopenhauer

  38. #138
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Yes, I wuz spanked. It was'nt often (becuz bein' shouted at wuz usually enough!?) but I can remember each occasion clearly.

    I have a 10 year old who has never been smacked...and yes, the 'baby'self' knows how to push mummy's buttons....the little rascal!

    I recommend THE SECRET OF PARENTING by Anthony E. Wolf.

    I had almost instant results! It's true that all children are different but the principles in this buuk shud wurk to some degree even with the most forthright sproglings (hee hee...Iym glancing over at myne right now).
    "You can discover more about a person in one hour of play than in a year of conversation" ~ Plato

  39. #139
    cedartree cedarblue's Avatar
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    is there a difference between a spanking, a smack, a beating?
    is a matter of degree or attitude or personal situation?

  40. #140
    fortified twinkle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I think it's a matter of degree and attitude, cedarblue.

    To me a spanking is something a parent decides to do more or less coolly and deliberately as a punishment for something they believe the child has done wrong and should have known was wrong. A smack sounds more like something they would do in the heat of the moment because they lost their temper, and would probably be sorry for. A beating sounds like something they lost their temper with and caused more physical hurt/damage than either of the other two - I image a beating to be the sort of thing that causes bruises whereas the other two things probably wouldn't.

  41. #141
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    never

    my dad smacked me once, but when he saw the look on my face he never did that again!

    my mother is more into emotional abuse - why cant you be normal usded to be her favourite punchline when i was an insecure teenager...well well

  42. #142

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    i would never ever hit a child - not my own, not anyone else's. i have a lot of friends who are having babies right now, and i would not like to be them, if i found out they hurt their kids. as in sweden, denmark has laws against violence towards children, and i would not let such a thing slip by. i find it seriousy traumatizing, when someone finds this kind of abuse "okay" - it is not. kids are not evil, they are not trying to misbehave - and if they are, there must be something deeper to it, and the cause should be found. i think that a parents place is as a teacher, a support, a loving, caring person, who can stand as a good example for her/his kids, not someone to punish and abuse. not physically, not mentally. where would the world be, if everyone accepted excuses for abuse? for acts done in anger?
    - i think it is very important to be clear about parents not being perfect (whatever that word means), but it is important for all humans to be able to find out when they need help. and a parent who can't "control" their child, and starts to punish with violence, should maybe appreciate some help. none of us knows everything, and we all learn throughout our lifes, and this is something, every parent should master; the art of not abusing and using voilence.

  43. #143
    baffled harpy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    There is some talk of making supermarkets here into "smacking free zones"

    http://www.raisingkids.co.uk/todaysn..._100407_01.asp

    Seems quite a good idea as long as the parents don't go off and do it elsewhere. At least it gives them a chance to cool down.

    I wish it were illegal here although I suppose it's easy for me to say as a non-parent.

  44. #144
    cedartree cedarblue's Avatar
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Quote twinkle View Post
    I think it's a matter of degree and attitude, cedarblue.

    i agree with you twinkle.


    Quote Smoothie View Post
    i would never ever hit a child - not my own, not anyone else's.........and this is something, every parent should master; the art of not abusing and using voilence.
    this is why i asked my question previously, about there being a difference? i'm interested that people inter-use words like hit and spank and beat, when they can be quite different physical acts.

    sometimes nothing in the world can push a parent to the limit of self-restraint like a child can, for whatever reason, be it an acceptable reason or not. sometimes being a parent and being in that moment of incredible stress and pressure can force one to have quite different views and feelings than when they were without children. its interesting reading the views of those with children and those without, theres no pattern but interesting nonetheless.

    Quote harpy View Post
    There is some talk of making supermarkets here into "smacking free zones"
    yes, i heard this story too, harpy. my problem with it is, that people who have a job which is nothing (basically) to do with childcare are asked to become judges of others, learn psychology skills which may be called upon when confronting a parent and become policeman in effect.

  45. #145
    baffled harpy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    Re the supermarkets, I suppose staff could be trained to deal with the situation, maybe by the NSPCC whose idea it seems to be? Countries that have banned smacking must have developed ways to deal with it, surely?

    I know not smacking is easier said than done, because I have at least one friend who's strongly against it in principle but smacked hers once or twice in the heat of the moment when they were little. I just think it could be helpful if society sent out a message that this wasn't the best way of disciplining children.

    A law like this needn't lead to a lot of prosecutions for minor smacking incidents, I don't think:

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/713883.stm

  46. #146

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    i actually don't know if there is some special way to deal with it here - but there should be! i think, mainly it's the thread of going to jail which is seen as a way to prevent it from happen. i don't agree with this method at all, as i don't agree with prison in general (some cases excluded..)

    but i have been yelling parents more than once, seeing them hitting their child - once i saw a guy who had grabbed another women's child, shaking the child, while the mother just stood there, shocked - what's wrong with people?! this guy should try how it feels like to be violently attacked by a stranger who's four times his size!

    i think, mainly, it's the children institutions who take care of this stuff, the kindergardens and schools, and then if they have any suspicion of a child being abused in any way, they report it to the local government, sho is supposed to take care of it. of course, the system isn't perfect in any way, but it's better than nothing.

  47. #147
    Cookie Monster RachelJune's Avatar
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I was spanked as a child and as a result I don't think I could ever, ever hit my own children if and when I have them. I strongly feel it is psychologically damaging, especially at a young age. I was a very quiet and timid child - I guess I thought that by "laying low" and not being noticed I could avoid being hit. I remember being very scared of being spanked and therefore desperate to cover up anything I did wrong.

    As someone else quite rightly pointed out here, you wouldn't hit an adult if they were doing something wrong or if they answered back to you. I think smacking shows a severe lack of communication skills. If you treat a child with respect they will learn to deal with others with the same respect. If a child grows up thinking that smacking is an acceptable way to deal with people who don't do as they're told, it could well get them into trouble at school or even later in life. Just my opinion..

    Smoothie, I completely understand your frustration at seeing kids being man-handled by their parents/other adults in supermarkets or other public places. It always makes my blood boil when I hear mothers screaming, swearing at and hitting their child I have heard some awful verbal abuse directed at kids on occasion, is it really necessary (or indeed effective)??? Surely, again, the child will simply learn and copy this behaviour?
    "Born on the same planet, Covered by the same skies..."

  48. #148

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I was smacked all the time as a child, up until i was about 15 and finally turned round and hit my mum back (i ran away and hid after that for hours though, as i was so scared at how angry she'd be for hitting her back, but now i realise that she would have had no right to be angry, as she had been doing it to me!).
    There used to be massive family rows over it, Dad hated Mum doing it but Mum was very much in control of the household so his opinion didn't count. It has certainly left a mark on me, i had no self confidence as a child/teenager and grew up thinking i was the most awful child ever, although this also had things to do with psychological abuse as well as Mum was always telling everyone how awful i was and phoning people up to complain about me in front of me. Which resulted in me always been told off by all her friends and my extended family whenever i saw them, this upset me a lot! She also took me to a counsellor so that he could work out wy i was such a terrible child! I couldn't believe it, when you looked at me and then at children with real problems why she thought i was so bad!
    I do blame the smacking and other things for my developing self harm problems when i was a child. By smacking a child you are always going to damage them in someway, be it physically or mentally. Even if they are deemed "too young to remember" i still think that it will have effects on them. It should be made illegal to ever raise your hand to a child. I too think it's awful when you see parents literally screaming at their children in public, they are only children, they don't understand what it is that they are doing that could be wrong most of the time. And most of the time they aren't doing anything wrong anway...
    What makes me laugh though is that my Mother is a Health Visitor for the under 5's, and she is the one that tells parents how to deal with any problems they might be having with their children...
    "We ourselves may be loved only for a brief time...Even so, that will suffice...There is a land for the living and there is a land for the dead"

  49. #149
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    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    I used to be strictly 100% opposed to any form of physical punishment, but I've been visiting a parenting forum, and some of the parents on there are having such a hard time disciplining their kids without hitting, and it doesn't work at all. Here are a few examples:

    "this morning he drove his toy car into my legs when I was getting the washing out of the washing machine and he really hurt me. (it's quite large you sit in it, can't have it outside as we have a steep block and there is no brakes) I took the car and put it up high in the garage and explained calmly why etc has absolutely no effect he just continues his rampage with other things. Firm voice... logical explanations etc no effect...ignoring...no effect Diversion, humour NOTHING works even yelling...no effect. Ashamed to say lost it few weeks ago and for the first time ever smacked once on the leg...no effect. This is from a little boy who was always this gentle, loving, fiesty fun, high spirited honey."

    "I am a first time parent would love some suggestions on dealing with my 22 month old sons behaviour. He is constantly hurting me pulling my hair throwing things at me pinching, biting, hitting, I seem to always have bruises, scratches and bite marks on me. Some of this I believe to be out of frustration as he is not speaking in sentences yet.but the rest of the time it seems he thinks it is funny and when i tell him i dont like it & it hurts me he laughs and does it even more. I've tried ignoring it (not easy) and walking off on him as well but this seems to have no impact. When he throws his food (or anything else for that matter) I take it off him, explaining why, but he doesn't seem to care or he hits me and finds something else to throw. It's not just me, he does this to other children as well, I have sent one of his friends (who is bigger) home covered in scratches and with a bite mark when he came to play. He pushed him off the top of playground platform the other day (luckily he saved himself before completely going over the edge), he could have been seriously injured. I am really concerned he is going to hurt another child badly."

    This kind of thing makes me scared to become a parent!!! How do you deal with something like this without smacking them to get their attention and make them stop their behaviour???
    "Man can do as he wills, but not will as he wills" - Arthur Schopenhauer

  50. #150

    Default Re: Were you spanked as a child?

    if you have issues this big, i think you may need to consult someone who knows about child behavior - a lot of times when the kid does not response to anything, it is because the child is not capable of it - and it takes a lot of work to fix that.

    i used to babysit two little girls, who were known in the whole neighbourhood as being mean and evil and loud and rude. they where 2 and 4. when their mom was there, they were like this, but when i had them alone, they actually behaved really nicely; the small one could sit on the floor and play alone, and talk to me, while the bigger one helped me in the kitchen, i got them to help me cleaning, i had them out shopping without them asking once for candy. and i think it was because when they behaved badly, i didn't punish them; i said "you're not allowed to do that, and i will not take this. if you don't stop, you cannot play with me and your sister" - in the start it had no effect, but after i had actually send them to their rooms a couple of times for hours, they realised that i was a much nicer person when i was not angry, stressed out or anything like that. and they realised that i was a mush better person to play with when they were nice.. i was babysitting them for almost 3 years, and this continued, although their mother could not get them to behave.

    i really, truly believe that not by punishing, but by showing a consequense, the child will see the benefits of being nice and well-liked.

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