Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

[VeganLu]

Oh yes, Kimberly. All of the people we give our eggs to know that I am vegan. And yes, it is too bad that none of these people are willing to give up eating meat and dairy. In fact, one of my neighbors said to me not to believe everything I read. I wanted to jump her, but I told her that I not only read about such horror in the meat and dairy industry, I also told her that I have seen live footage. In fact, I invited her to come to my house so she could watch some of my videos, but she said she does not want to know. I give her eggs after I give everybody else theirs. And the reason I give her eggs in the first place is because she has hardly any money.

About my chickens and me not wanting them to reproduce, the rooster would be the one to get "fixed", but a rooster is such a great bird. They make a flock of hens complete. Plus their crowing all day gives me such happiness and peace of mind. I am waiting to hear from Farm Sanctuary because I have enough room in the chicken coop to adopt at least 10 more hens.

[Kimberlily1983]

In fact, I invited her to come to my house so she could watch some of my videos, but she said she does not want to know.

Oooh, that one makes my blood boil. If you can't bear to see it, hear it, etc. you have no business contributing to it. I can understand when people don't know there's any problem (like children, for instance), but when you're being told by others (vegans) that it's not right, to then say, "Oh, I don't want to see that."? That makes you culpable in my book. You're culpable if you know and you contribute to it, certainly, but you're also culpable if you've reason to suspect something is amiss (like other people telling you there is) and you contribute to the problem while refusing to consider the evidence.

I'm sure you all agree, that's just my little rant for the day...

[VeganLu]

To Kimberlily1983:

I agree with you 100%. In fact, my feelings toward her went down the drain after she said "I don't want to know", even after I told her what goes on in the meat and dairy industry. And, what made me really not like her is when she said "Don't believe what you read from the animal rights organization". I came back at her, holding myself back from killing her, and told her how the chickens that give us eggs from factory farms suffer so much. I don't see this person very often, and I have decided I will not give her free eggs anymore, even though I know she is in financial difficulty, which was the only reason I did give her eggs.

People who say such things about not wanting to know or that factory farms are not bad is because they want to continue eating animals. Most people suck when it comes to animal rights. Sometimes I wish the planet would blow up and then we won't be so unhappy about what people do to animals.

[RainInStarlight]

Yeah...I've gotten that alot, actually. The whole, "Eh...I don't want to know."
It's like, what do you say to that, exactly?

[Zombiechik]

Sorry if this is a repeat but in response to the "stuck on an island thing" i once read

omni: So what if you were stuck on an island, starving, with nothing but a rabbit
veg: I'd find out what the rabbit was eating, and join it

[Zombiechik]

Yeah...I've gotten that alot, actually. The whole, "Eh...I don't want to know."
It's like, what do you say to that, exactly?

Something simple like: It must be comforting to be that ignorant.
People like that, you arent going to convince of anything anyway so save your breath and use your energy to help transitioning veg*n's

[rachel]

HI guy and gals, new to forum so all this stuff is brill!! Sat here giggling at your posts, bloody brilliant and have written a few down so i dont forget them. Its great o know there are awsome people out there like you lovely lot. Cheers m'dears )

[emzy1985]

HI guy and gals, new to forum so all this stuff is brill!! Sat here giggling at your posts, bloody brilliant and have written a few down so i dont forget them. Its great o know there are awsome people out there like you lovely lot. Cheers m'dears )

That's what we are here for!

[felix_amborosa]

I can't remember the thread its on, but to those who claim that plants feel pain, I told someone to say "Let's make a deal. If you promise to watch a video of what goes on in a slaughterhouse, I'll watch a video of a strawberry harvest." I remember a few folks liking that one.

On that note, if someone ever states that plants may feel pain too" simply say, only organisms with nervous systems can feel pain, pain is a neural response, plants however do not possess nervous systems and therefore cannot feel pain"

[Bowie]

Something that really annoys meat-eaters who are trying to prove vegetarianism/veganism wrong :

meat eater: but eating meat is right because men are made to eat other animals and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.......[insert a load of bullsh*t]
V: If you care so much about whether or not I eat meat it must be because deep down you KNOW that eating meat is wrong and you're just trying to justify it to yourself! Wow, that is lame. [insert giggles]

[VT Winter Veggie]

I can't remember the thread its on, but to those who claim that plants feel pain, I told someone to say "Let's make a deal. If you promise to watch a video of what goes on in a slaughterhouse, I'll watch a video of a strawberry harvest." I remember a few folks liking that one.

hahaha, I'll remember this one.

[emzy1985]

Some guy got really shitty with me at work the other day because I wouldn't discuss veganism with him. (He's the snarly type) I could have gone on and on and used witty comebacks etc etc...but it was actually alot more fun just to point blank refuse to discuss it this time. :P

[nn]

Yesterday afternoon..

Flatmate - But eating meat is natural. *points to Shelley* (the friendly blackbird I feed and take photos of sometimes) Look; your bird (as if I own it) is eating worms, it's just like us, we eat animals we eat that we find below us (as we are at the top of the food chain, you know, he adds) so eating meat is natural, all animals follow this pattern. You're diet is not normal.

Me - Yes, Shelley is beautiful (flatly disregarding his claim ), thanks for noticing. If you were placed in a space with a lion perhaps then you wouldn't be so arrogant about your position in the Circle of Life!

[nn]

Oh and the other day, the same flat mate tried to tell me that soy milk is "artificial"! Pshh! Soymilk is no less artificial than growth hormones and antibiotics in cows milk!


As emzy1985 pointed out, I too like to sometimes completely overlook people who aggressively want to discuss veganism.
Like my flatmate, so many people actually have little idea about what is in meat and milk but have the audacity to tell vegans that what they eat is not natural when vegans are the ones who are totally aware what is natural and not, how do they think we became vegans in the first place!

Organic vegan food it the way to go. It should be renamed 'natural food'.

Sorry, went off on a slight tangent. This forum is so convenient for ranting though

[Cupid Stunt]

On that note, if someone ever states that plants may feel pain too" ..."

The possibility of plant sentience, unless ones 'morality' is based upon 'right' being to hurt as many other living thing as is possible, is a VERY strong argument in favour of a veg*an diet.

Argument is very simple:

"Who 'hurts' the least: 1. We, who eat only the amount of possibly sentient plants needed to sustain ourselves? 2. You, who sustain vast herds and flocks of plant eating eating animals thus 'hurting' many times the possibly sentient plants you need PLUS the barbaric slaughter of your vast flocks and herds of definitely sentient animals?

Personally, if people regard crass stupidity as a weapon for smiting others, I regard it as act of great compassion to assist them in impailing themselves upon it.

[Kimberlily1983]

Personally, if people regard crass stupidity as a weapon for smiting others, I regard it as act of great compassion to assist them in impailing themselves upon it.

Haha, indeed.

You're right, we should remember this angle to criticize that "plants feel pain" argument, as well.

[pat sommer]

here's a little add-on when answering an overly-critical omni's question: "but don't take my word for it; vegans have a hidden agenda"

I used to be more dismissive with "I used to think that way too until..." but now I play it a bit self-mocking

[Andy_T]

Pat, that's a great suggestion

[Karter Al]

If anyone gets on their high-horse about you being a vegan, just tell them before you became vegan you farmed and ate dogs. See how they react with shock and horror. Oh the glorious hypocrisy we display as humans

[pat sommer]

Hypocrisy is all we have to separate us from the other animals.

How 'bout whenever we get looked at like we're overreacting: "oh sorry, don't mean to make it out to be so serious; it's not about life and death.... Oh wait... IT IS!"

[pat sommer]

[maggielassie]

If anyone gets on their high-horse about you being a vegan, just tell them before you became vegan you farmed and ate dogs. See how they react with shock and horror. Oh the glorious hypocrisy we display as humans

That is an amazing idea.

[TXvegan]

When overhearing a conversation of someone asking me why I didn't eat meat, my 5-year old replied, "Yuck! It's dead. Why would you want to eat it?". The look on the person's face was priceless. LOL

[MomOf2Gremlins]

The possibility of plant sentience, unless ones 'morality' is based upon 'right' being to hurt as many other living thing as is possible, is a VERY strong argument in favour of a veg*an diet.

Argument is very simple:

"Who 'hurts' the least: 1. We, who eat only the amount of possibly sentient plants needed to sustain ourselves? 2. You, who sustain vast herds and flocks of plant eating eating animals thus 'hurting' many times the possibly sentient plants you need PLUS the barbaric slaughter of your vast flocks and herds of definitely sentient animals?

Personally, if people regard crass stupidity as a weapon for smiting others, I regard it as act of great compassion to assist them in impailing themselves upon it.

Perfect! I've had a few discussions already about this entire 'plants feel pain too' subject and hated never being able to make the person understand the difference between plants & animals! [Which is beyond me, how someone can *not* see it!..] And then hearing the typical "Oh, so only because plants don't have faces that can look at you with sad eyes, it's ok?" Grrr!!!

If anyone gets on their high-horse about you being a vegan, just tell them before you became vegan you farmed and ate dogs. See how they react with shock and horror. Oh the glorious hypocrisy we display as humans

Ha, good one! It always amazes me how many claim to be animal lovers yet devour meat in a heart beat without giving it any second thought!

Hypocrisy is all we have to separate us from the other animals.

How 'bout whenever we get looked at like we're overreacting: "oh sorry, don't mean to make it out to be so serious; it's not about life and death.... Oh wait... IT IS!"

I like this one too, Pat!

What a great thread! I'm not good with witty comebacks and usually prefer not discussing but rather refer the person who asks to watch 'Earthlings' or 'If Slaughterhouses had glass walls'. Not sure if any of them really follow through, probably not..

[pat sommer]

"you don't eat meat?"

Not dead meat, it tastes better when it struggles...

(stolen from Calvin and Hobbes)

[veganosie]

someone said to me once "if god wanted us to be vegans he wouldn't have made meat so tasty"
so i replied "if god wanted us to be meat eaters he wouldn't have invented vegans"

it wasn't a very good one but it definitely shut them up

also with the "plants don't have a nervous system" when they go on about plants feeling pain.

oh will be abuse never end?

[splodge]

If God wanted us to be meat eaters he wouldn't have made it give us cancer, heart disease and stupidity.

[pat sommer]

If we weren't meant to be cannibals, why do we taste like pork?

[roakes9]

Idiot: "Well then, how do you know that plants don't feel pain".
You: "Pain is the result of a central nervous system"
Idiot: "Well, how do you know that they don't feel pain in some other way"
You: "You should really be a contestant on that show 'Are you smarter than a 5th grader', I think you would do really really well!"

[Crusty Rat]

Idiot: So, then what DO you eat?!
Me: Anything that doesn't take a dump.

Hah, I like that one. Shame it doesn't really work for milk/eggs.

[pat sommer]

You know how it is when you start to get to someone, make them reevaluate our dominance of other species and then... then... THEY SAY SOMETHING STUPID like, "with all the problems in this world, we can't worry about animals." ???

Well, I just got that from an educated liberal atheist BBC journalist. Another mom who I volunteered with at a migrant-children school and who likewise supports a local charity shop/distribution center. Apparently, my vegan outreach and cat-fostering is unworthwhile...
I meekly suggested that it is not a zero sum game and that there is a large overlap in improving the lives of animals and people.

What I would have said if our kids weren't close chums:
Yes, it is ridiculous to worry about the suffering of those that are not our kind; but where does that lead? (insert stiff armed salute here)

[LouiseAbel]

omni: So what if you were stuck on an island, starving, with nothing but a rabbit
veg: I'd find out what the rabbit was eating, and join it

That's never going to happen. Why do they ask such stupid things? Anyway, having the rabbit for company would bring me far more pleasure than killing it and eating it would.

[Robinwomb]

"Eating Meat is natural for humans"

Yes, and so is violence, murder, greed, indulgence etc.

[Firestorm]

"You eat dead animals? And you have the nerve to call me weird"

[LouiseAbel]

"Eating Meat is natural for humans"

Yes, and so is violence, murder, greed, indulgence etc.

I hate that one! It's like the ONLY thing they care about being natural in their life, surely. If you're that bothered about doing everything naturally, turn off the TV and while you're at it, stop paying someone else to kill the animals for you, paying someone else to cut them up for you, paying someone else to turn them into burgers for you and paying someone else to package them for you.

Robin, stop making me angry.

[Robinwomb]

I hate that one! It's like the ONLY thing they care about being natural in their life, surely. If you're that bothered about doing everything naturally, turn off the TV and while you're at it, stop paying someone else to kill the animals for you, paying someone else to cut them up for you, paying someone else to turn them into burgers for you and paying someone else to package them for you.

Robin, stop making me angry.

I'll try my best Louise if you convince me to get off here and get busy studying and doing my schoolwork so I can graduate sometime in this lifetime lol. Unfortunately I find this forum more interesting.

[VeganGuy4U]

A friend of mine recently posted on his facebook page a picture of a coaster that says "Vegetarian is an old Indian word for bad hunter."

I added a comment: I thought it meant "One who eats like horse rather than buzzard."

If someone asks you how you like your rabbit food, say "It's delicious. How do you like your vulture food?"

If someone asks where you get your protein, say "The same place elephants, gorillas, and horses get their protein: plants. Only plants."

[LouiseAbel]

I'll try my best Louise if you convince me to get off here and get busy studying and doing my schoolwork so I can graduate sometime in this lifetime lol. Unfortunately I find this forum more interesting.

Haha, I have the same problem.

[Kat_90]

Tell me about it. I have finals in THREE weeks (Oh god) and I spend a large majority of my time scanning this forum!

[Barry]

Tell me about it. I have finals in THREE weeks (Oh god) and I spend a large majority of my time scanning this forum!

I basically did the same during my undergrad - trust me, you'll be ok!

[MamaSuesPasta]

Most of the time when me and my meating friends get into the "debate" it goes down like this:

MeatEaters: Wow look at all this Great Food!
Me: (shrugs)
MeatEaters: You should have some!
Me: (Smiles)
MeatEaters: You should have of stayed a MeatEater, you Don't Know What You Are Missing Out On.
Me: You DON't Know what you are Missing out on....

[pat sommer]

Meat? No, I know pleasures of the flesh, not with dead meat, but whatever turns you on...

[Cupid Stunt]

"I'm a cannibal in protest over being denied his favourite meat ..."

Leaves only arguments that humans are 'better' than animals for the omni's to pursue.

Leaves omni's on a bit of a sticky wicket when the "but eating meat can only be justified by arguing that humans are no better than animals?" trap is sprung.


Apologies to anyone who remembers me for having reappeared, btw!

[Blueberries]

Good to see you back CS!

[Cupid Stunt]

good to see you back cs! :d

ty bb

[tofu_lew]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQCe4...ayer_embedded#!

[DavidT]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQCe4...ayer_embedded#!

Wow!

[peachy]

Hahah oh dear I just perused through so many of these and could not be happier.
I hate the "plants have feelings too" ruse that people shove on me!

[Ⓥeganist]

That's a good one, I may dare to try that one day! Thanks!

[natewhit]

When your diet is being described as radical...

As many of you know, from Forks Over Knives:

>>>I would say 500,000/yr. people getting their chest opened for heart surgery is radical.