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Thread: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

  1. #251
    Mahk
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    I use a very similar one to that, Exec.

    Omni: "You don't eat meat?"
    Me: "You eat dead animal carcasses?"

    Also, when serving omnis, say when distributing the contents of a communal picnic basket or a bag of take out (away), I always try to use the literal terms for what people are eating:

    "Who ordered the ground cow muscle? scrambled bird menstruation? side of cow secretion fat? insect vomit?" etc. [hamburger, egg, butter, honey]
    Last edited by Mahk; Oct 18th, 2009 at 07:36 PM.

  2. #252
    sugarmouse
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Lol Mahk I do that too
    'Nah i'll pass on the chicken's period for breakfast thanks....'

  3. #253
    Eeeeediot! Shrapnel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Hehe, I do that too sometimes.
    Czujesz się wolny i robisz co chcesz. Jesteś piratem!

  4. #254
    Fervent vegan DiaShel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Quote exec View Post
    A : You don't eat meat?
    V : Oh, you do?

    A wants to make V an eccentric guy, V does a reverse.
    I really like this. So simple and not insulting. It's a subtle way of saying, "I'm not the strange one"
    "To reduce suffering means to reduce the amount of ignorance, the basic affliction with us." -Thich Nhat Hanh

  5. #255
    Eeeeediot! Shrapnel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Quote DiaShel View Post
    I really like this. So simple and not insulting. It's a subtle way of saying, "I'm not the strange one"
    Exactly. Like if someone asks, "So, you don't eat meat?" I'm inclined to answer, "What? You mean, like, feed off someone's corpse?" and look at them bemused.
    Czujesz się wolny i robisz co chcesz. Jesteś piratem!

  6. #256
    pat sommer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    well, I can't be offensive to old folks so how about....

    ....Ya, I have to be vegan cause I ate my share of the Earth's animals by age 12
    or
    ....I'm vegan so I can fly long-haul and drive a Hummer; balances out.

    (most of the time people don't think I'm joking)
    the only animal ingredient in my food is cat hair

  7. #257

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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    gays and girls can say

    Well, it's true that sometimes I eat meat, I just don't swallow...

  8. #258
    AR Activist Roxy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Hahaaaa! Love it!

  9. #259

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    Default Re: One-liners

    Quote Tangerine Dream View Post
    I know it won't be a favourite amongst some of the abolitionists, but if someone says "I like such-and-such too much to give it up", a good response is "Well, then give up everything else!". Every bit of animal product they give up will contribute to saving lives and reduce their carbon footprint and be better for their own health (and when they realise how awesome and easy it is, they will be more inclined to give up their one remaining weakness). There's no point in not giving up other animals products, just because the idea of giving up cheese or icecream or whatever is too hard.
    Well, that's pretty darn rational when you get right down to it,actually. I think the all or nothing approach with people strikes me as too "activisty", while some people get discouraged from taking any steps to eat less meat.

    I agree that anyone who reduces their intake of animal products / tech products is creating a positive impact.

    3 people eating one less meat/dairy meal per day is the same impact on animals as one person becoming vegan.

    We should happily do it for ourselves, and cheer on any positive steps people take, I say, especially our friends.

  10. #260

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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    I really don't think rudeness or sarcasm is the way to go; it just makes people think vegans are even more extremist and intolerant than they already do.

    How about just politely answering peoples' questions or replying calmly to their ignorance? I think it puts us in a stronger position in any discussion about veganism.

    This post wasn't directed at anyone in particular, just a general observation.

  11. #261

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    Default Re: One-liners

    Quote harpy View Post
    Remembering what's important to students, perhaps you could ask the men if they know that (high) consumption of meat and other animal products has been linked to erectile dysfunction?

    See, for example, Esposito et al, "Dietary factors in erectile dysfunction", International Journal of Impotence Research (2006) 18, 370–374. (Mind you there is more in that about eating plenty of fruit and veg and having good cholesterol levels than about not eating meat, but we're only talking one-liners here )
    I used a variation of this as a comeback to a drunken redneck at one of our stalls at a music festival once. He came up to the stall asking us if I had *expletive* (male private parts) because I didn't eat meat. I replied that I did and that, unlike his, mine will still be working long after he can only remember what it was like to know what to do with it. At this he got very irritated and threatened to flop it out to 'show us what a real man is' but fortunately we were spared when one of his friends dragged him away and apologised for his behaviour.

    For the record, the question I get asked most is "Are those shoes leather?"

  12. #262
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Although not a one-liner...this is hilarious: http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/12-28-2005-85005.asp

  13. #263
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    Quote jomo View Post
    Well, that's pretty darn rational when you get right down to it,actually. I think the all or nothing approach with people strikes me as too "activisty", while some people get discouraged from taking any steps to eat less meat.

    I agree that anyone who reduces their intake of animal products / tech products is creating a positive impact.

    3 people eating one less meat/dairy meal per day is the same impact on animals as one person becoming vegan.

    We should happily do it for ourselves, and cheer on any positive steps people take, I say, especially our friends.
    Nothing wrong with being an activist dude!
    The taste of anything in my mouth for 5 seconds does not equate to the beauty and complexity of life.

  14. #264
    gorillagorilla Gorilla's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-liners

    Quote aussievego View Post
    I used a variation of this as a comeback to a drunken redneck at one of our stalls at a music festival once. He came up to the stall asking us if I had *expletive* (male private parts) because I didn't eat meat. I replied that I did and that, unlike his, mine will still be working long after he can only remember what it was like to know what to do with it.
    'The word gorilla was derived from the Greek word Gorillai (a "tribe of hairy women")'

  15. #265
    Zero
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Recent debate with someone regarding "humane killing" in terms of culling.

    "There's a very big problem in certain areas where animals are overpopulating and destroying the environment"

    My response: "There's a very big human problem destroying the environment, but I don't see you advocating a cull for that, so your argument and justifications are not only immoral but entirely speciesist".

  16. #266
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Lol. Thats a good one. Just yesterday I was trying to explain why i didnt think it was ok for people to go round killing grey squirrels because of 'over population' but the conversation was devoid of wit or humour and i ended up calling the person a blood thirsty fucker. Ooops.
    If i keep a green bough in my heart my singing bird will come.

  17. #267

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    Angry Re: One-liners

    Quote emzy1985 View Post
    Nothing wrong with being an activist dude!
    no there is nothing wrong with being an activist. That's not what I said.

  18. #268

    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    I find the people who tend to make comments about me being vegan are;

    a. fatter than me
    b. not as healthy as me
    c. not as fit as me
    d. not as strong as me
    and
    e. look a damn sight older than me

    so I've found the way to shut them up is just by pointing out that I look way better on a vegan diet than they do on a meat one.

    Leading by example is more effective than any caustic reply.
    Women are like teabags. We don't know our true strength until we are in hot water!

  19. #269
    Metal Head emzy1985's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-liners

    Quote jomo View Post
    no there is nothing wrong with being an activist. That's not what I said.
    Without getting into an argument...what did you mean by "activisty" then? To me that sounded derogatory.
    The taste of anything in my mouth for 5 seconds does not equate to the beauty and complexity of life.

  20. #270
    Metal Maniac
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    Smile Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Quote jomo View Post
    gays and girls can say

    Well, it's true that sometimes I eat meat, I just don't swallow...
    Lolololol...classic!!!

    \m/(><)\m/

  21. #271
    Pale & skinny Big Good Wolf's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    I've started a new job recently and after a couple of weeks I told them I'm vegan.
    The workshop manager said to me "You ought to eat meat"
    I said "Why, so I can grow up all big and strong like you ?"
    It doesn't sound so funny now, but at the time, with the two of us stood side by side and with me a 6'1", 16 stone, weightlifter and mountain bike endurance racer, it made everyone else in the office laugh.
    Worcestershire's fastest veteran vegan mountain bike endurance racer with a beard.

  22. #272
    KcCrash
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    HA love it big good wolf! What does he look like?

  23. #273
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    This is not exactly about veganism, but last weekend my boyfriend made a quip about placing a bet on the grand national (probably just to wind me up) so I said "Why don't we go to the bookies together and place a bet on how many horses will die this year, I wonder what odds they will give us on that!". That shut him up

  24. #274
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    excuse me if someone's already said this....i only scanned thru (on my break)

    what would be a good comback to those omni's that say they wouldn't eat meat if they had to kill the animals themselves?? my parents were going on about it at sunday lunch this week....i couldn't think of anything good to say back.

  25. #275
    Mahk
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Those are both good ones, BGW and Linxie!

  26. #276

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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    In response to the "Would you eat meat if you were on a desert island/if you were starving?" the best answer is:

    "I'd eat you if I were starving!"

  27. #277

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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    priceless! but how tall was the other guy ? too bad you couldn't take a picture

    Quote Big Good Wolf View Post
    I've started a new job recently and after a couple of weeks I told them I'm vegan.
    The workshop manager said to me "You ought to eat meat"
    I said "Why, so I can grow up all big and strong like you ?"
    It doesn't sound so funny now, but at the time, with the two of us stood side by side and with me a 6'1", 16 stone, weightlifter and mountain bike endurance racer, it made everyone else in the office laugh.

  28. #278
    Pale & skinny Big Good Wolf's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    I'm hopeless at guessing peoples height or weight, but quite a bit smaller than me. :smile:
    Worcestershire's fastest veteran vegan mountain bike endurance racer with a beard.

  29. #279
    KcCrash
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    Quote Hekaterine View Post
    In response to the "Would you eat meat if you were on a desert island/if you were starving?" the best answer is:

    "I'd eat you if I were starving!"
    Another good one is, what is the meat? they usually say a cow/big to which I say well, there is clearly vegetation there, or the cow/pig wouldn't have survived either.

  30. #280
    pat sommer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    best only replied to strangers never to be seen again:

    when asked why daughter doesn't eat something non-vegan "I don't feed my child lies"
    the only animal ingredient in my food is cat hair

  31. #281

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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    Quote Pilaf View Post
    Lately, I've taken to being very silly and not at all serious about arguing. I often tell them I've vegan because the leprechauns tell me to be, or that it makes me gifted in the areas of lovemaking.
    I'd like to use both at the same time.

  32. #282
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    I haven't used this one yet. but I thought it up. So if anyone want's to use it. Use it. .

    Comment: If God didn't want humans to eat animals he wouldn't have made them out of meat.

    Reply: Well, You're made of meat. So I guess God wants me to eat you. Where's the fucking ketchup?

  33. #283
    Pilaf
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Whenever I'm called a freak/weird/unusual I pop this quote out:

    "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." (Jiddu Krishnamurti)

  34. #284

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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    ^ Ooh nice. I'm stealing that. (Don't know if I'd use it though. I'm not too bold. Yet.)

  35. #285
    pat sommer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    "you think you're better than me"

    "nope, just better off"
    the only animal ingredient in my food is cat hair

  36. #286

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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    question:why dont you drink milk?
    answer:i like tits as much as the next bloke i just prefer them to be human

  37. #287
    Pilaf
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    This one's usually related to me being a bigger guy and being vegan:

    "I can't believe you're real."

    "Would you like to touch me?" (especially fun with females)

  38. #288

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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    ^

    This happened the other day:
    Her:"You're a vegan?? B-but...what do you eat!?!"
    Me: "Food."

    Not exactly witty or profound, but I found it effective

  39. #289
    Stevie G karmafunk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Him: So why did you become a Vegan?
    Me : Because I became educated on what I am eating.
    The value of a sentient life is not measured in its utility to others, but in its immense, irreplaceable value to the being whose life it is.

  40. #290
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    I was in a room full of people, when this guy called me out to tease me about my Vegan diet. My comeback to everyone in the room about him...

    "Ten million sperm and that's the one that got through!"
    "You put a baby in a crib with an apple and a rabbit. If it eats the rabbit and plays with the apple, I'll buy you a new car". (Harvey Diamond)

  41. #291
    leedsveg
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Brilliant Jenny!

    lv

  42. #292
    helen105281
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Ha ha, I need to use that one.

  43. #293
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    I know we are suppose to be kindhearted to our fellow man, and I do try, but sometimes we have to stand up for ourselves too. I said it in a kidding way and everyone laughed.. even my target did! So no one was upset.
    "You put a baby in a crib with an apple and a rabbit. If it eats the rabbit and plays with the apple, I'll buy you a new car". (Harvey Diamond)

  44. #294

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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    A friend sent this which I thought was very funny:

    "The standard diet of a meat-eater is blood, flesh, veins, muscles, tendons, cow secretions, hen periods and bee vomit. And once a year during a certain holiday in November, meat-eaters use the hollowed out rectum of a dead bird as a pressure cooker for stuffing. And people think vegans are weird because we eat tofu?"

  45. #295

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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    hi sunkist,
    thanks brilliant even my wonderful son(vegeterian he's 9 and likes swedish glace), just been been to feezer to check spelling(he's also helping me now and we are going to eat some ice cream)

    paul

  46. #296
    jennyfedei's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    OMG.. that was hilarious!!! But dead on (no pun intended).
    "You put a baby in a crib with an apple and a rabbit. If it eats the rabbit and plays with the apple, I'll buy you a new car". (Harvey Diamond)

  47. #297
    leedsveg
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Quote jennyfedei View Post
    "Ten million sperm and that's the one that got through!"
    It just struck me Jenny that in a nightmare world, all 10million sperm got through and you're facing 10 million guys teasing you, and they're all identical!

    lv

  48. #298
    pat sommer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    for "get a life!": grow a heart!
    the only animal ingredient in my food is cat hair

  49. #299
    Mahk
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    ^That's a good one.

  50. #300
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Quote Sunkist View Post
    A friend sent this which I thought was very funny:

    "The standard diet of a meat-eater is blood, flesh, veins, muscles, tendons, cow secretions, hen periods and bee vomit. And once a year during a certain holiday in November, meat-eaters use the hollowed out rectum of a dead bird as a pressure cooker for stuffing. And people think vegans are weird because we eat tofu?"
    lol, love it!

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