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Thread: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

  1. #201
    Fuhzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    One I heard just today.


    Vegan: I don't eat animals because they suffer and can feel pain
    Omni: Plants can feel pain too! Think of the plants that are suffering!
    Vegan: All the plants a cow will eat over it's life are many more than the plants I will eat, so by being vegan I am also killing fewer plants!

  2. #202
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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    Quote Fuhzy View Post
    One I heard just today.


    Vegan: I don't eat animals because they suffer and can feel pain
    Omni: Plants can feel pain too! Think of the plants that are suffering!
    Vegan: All the plants a cow will eat over it's life are many more than the plants I will eat, so by being vegan I am also killing fewer plants!
    I like that one! I'm going to use it!

    Does anyone have a witty response for the mind-numbing standard "but Hitler was a vegetarian!"

    Other than pointing out that it is factually inaccurate - because, so what if he was?

  3. #203

    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    Hitler was prone to bouts of vegetarianism for digestive reasons.
    Just goes to show that megalomaniac fascists can be vegetarians too..
    ..but what would they do with all the cows?..

  4. #204
    Pale & skinny Big Good Wolf's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    Does anyone have a witty response for the mind-numbing standard "but Hitler was a vegetarian!"
    "No he wasn't. He was an Austrian, although he did invade Vegetaria in 1939."

    "Goebbels was a chicken farmer"

    "Stalin was an omnivore and killed 20 million people. Hitler only killed 6 million. OK, your team's winning."
    Worcestershire's fastest veteran vegan mountain bike endurance racer with a beard.

  5. #205
    Stu
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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    Those are all brilliant!

  6. #206
    Metal Head emzy1985's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    Quote Big Good Wolf View Post
    "No he wasn't. He was an Austrian, although he did invade Vegetaria in 1939."

    "Goebbels was a chicken farmer"

    "Stalin was an omnivore and killed 20 million people. Hitler only killed 6 million. OK, your team's winning."
    That is fantastic! One problem though...most dumbass people who comment on things like that don't even know who Stalin is!!!
    The taste of anything in my mouth for 5 seconds does not equate to the beauty and complexity of life.

  7. #207
    Mahk
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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    There's an entire book on the topic:

    Hitler: Neither Vegetarian nor Animal Lover

    After pointing out that it's not true first, I also like to use:

    "Another healthy lifestyle choice 'he made' was to not smoke. Does that mean all non-smokers are Nazi scum?"

    Their failed line of attack is called an argument Ad Nazium or http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reductio_ad_Hitlerum

  8. #208
    sugarmouse
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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    Quote buttons View Post
    I like that one! I'm going to use it!

    Does anyone have a witty response for the mind-numbing standard "but Hitler was a vegetarian!"

    Other than pointing out that it is factually inaccurate - because, so what if he was?
    So was Ghandi

  9. #209
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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    the above Hitler responses were much wittier but I'll add:

    He was evil, not stupid.
    the only animal ingredient in my food is cat hair

  10. #210
    Metal Head emzy1985's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    Quote pat sommer View Post
    the above Hitler responses were much wittier but I'll add:

    He was evil, not stupid.
    Agreed!
    The taste of anything in my mouth for 5 seconds does not equate to the beauty and complexity of life.

  11. #211
    Mousee!!
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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    au contrair(not to open a can of worms)
    Adolf was both evil and stupid.
    if the man actually let his commanders and military elite plan in the way in which they had wished to -who knows what the world would be like today.

  12. #212
    Metal Head emzy1985's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    Without getting into an argument and taking this thread way off topic..... Hitler managed to convince the most democratic country in the world to take on Facism. He turned their economy around and he controlled the minds of millions of people.....not exactly stupid. Just because he wasn't a master of war, does not mean he was stupid. Goodness help us if he was!!!!
    The taste of anything in my mouth for 5 seconds does not equate to the beauty and complexity of life.

  13. #213

    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    Quote emzy1985 View Post
    Without getting into an argument and taking this thread way off topic..... Hitler managed to convince the most democratic country in the world to take on Facism. He turned their economy around and he controlled the minds of millions of people.....not exactly stupid. Just because he wasn't a master of war, does not mean he was stupid. Goodness help us if he was!!!!
    Stupid enough to have a war on two fronts..
    Barbarossa was his only "stupid" action imo.
    Not entirely clever to terrify all your Generals into advancing far beyond your supply lines' capabilities either.
    Apart from that he was no slouch in the clever fascist dictator department.
    x
    ..but what would they do with all the cows?..

  14. #214
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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    Thanks for the suggestions. I just find it odd. I don't drink alcohol, but when I mention my teatotal ways, no-one says "(insert baddie here) didn't/doesn't drink!" Honestly!

  15. #215
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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    People just feel the need to justify why they aren't vegan yet.
    The taste of anything in my mouth for 5 seconds does not equate to the beauty and complexity of life.

  16. #216

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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    Quote horselesspaul View Post
    Stupid enough to have a war on two fronts..
    Barbarossa was his only "stupid" action imo.
    Not entirely clever to terrify all your Generals into advancing far beyond your supply lines' capabilities either.
    Apart from that he was no slouch in the clever fascist dictator department.
    x
    Plus letting us off the hook at Dunkirk and insisting the Me 262 was deployed as a bomber.
    From Sutton, Surrey, (or Greater London when they want to fleece me for the Olympics)

  17. #217

    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    Quote Jiffy View Post
    Plus letting us off the hook at Dunkirk and insisting the Me 262 was deployed as a bomber.
    Haha. Dumber than I thought.
    Hitler=Fail.
    ..but what would they do with all the cows?..

  18. #218
    cobweb
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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    ooh, you two are just soooo judgmental!

  19. #219

    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    Quote cobweb View Post
    ooh, you two are just soooo judgmental!
    I'm sure he was kind to his dog, oh hang on..
    ..but what would they do with all the cows?..

  20. #220

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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    Quote cobweb View Post
    ooh, you two are just soooo judgmental!
    I know! Lay off the guy! What did he ever do to us...

    *ahem*

  21. #221
    songlife
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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    Quote buttons View Post
    Does anyone have a witty response for the mind-numbing standard "but Hitler was a vegetarian!"
    when I saw this, "but Stalin was a meat-eater!" immediately popped into my mind. Pretty much everyone knows who Stalin was but if they don't you can just remind them he's a nutter who murdered not 6 but 20 million people.

  22. #222
    songlife
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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    I've got a PROTEIN one for ya!!

    Them: "what do you substitute for meat protein?"
    Me: "what do you substitute for hemp protein?"

    then you can fill them in on the fact that hemp protein is the superior form of protein for your body, and that they should look it up because you feel they're not getting enough proper protein. Google it!

    I can't STAND the word substitute. My food is not a substitute, it's the real deal. I refuse to tell someone "I susbstitute this for that..." 'cause it's not true! My food isn't making up for my lack of something else, meaters are the ones who are lacking all the nutrients that I regularily ingest!

  23. #223
    songlife
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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    Quote kferg View Post
    If I'm arguing with ignorance, I usually go with the old standby:

    "Uhhhh... you're going to die sooner than me from heart complications some sort of painful disease... unless of course karma catches up with you and someone rapes you, takes away your offspring to sell for someone's $25.00 entree at a 5-star restaurant, and then takes all the milk that was meant for that offspring for years and years until you're spent and are no longer able to even stand or walk, then hang you by your ankles and slit your throat causing you to bleed to death, remove your hair by burning it off, hopefully when you still have a pulse, then cut you up and package you, and then send you off to be served from the dollar menu at a fast food joint. In which case, I would wish for the heart problems."

    Usually, that does the trick for me.
    oh that's smoothe I'm using that for sure.

  24. #224

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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    "I prefer man meat injections."

  25. #225
    Pilaf
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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    Quote bagelkitty View Post
    "i Prefer Man Meat Injections."
    Hullo Kitty! :d

  26. #226

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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    Quote Pilaf View Post
    Hullo Kitty! :d
    Hiya!

  27. #227
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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    Quote BagelKitty View Post
    "I prefer man meat injections."
    Gold! Consider that quip duly pinched!

  28. #228
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    Default Re: Witty Vegan Comebacks!

    Quote scotch&dry View Post
    I told this story in another thread, and it's not really all that witty, but I had a friend say "I don't understand vayguns", to which I replied with "that's because you're not literate. It's VEGAN" she just laughed, so no harm done :P

    Oh, GOD!! My own mother referred to me as a VAY-gun. In front of other people! We were looking at homemade dog shampoo & conditioners and my mom asks the woman selling them: "There aren't any animal products in them, right? I'm learning from my VAY-gun daughter!" Bless her heart, but... I definitely began to blush.

  29. #229

    Default One-liners

    Heyhey. The vegan society at my uni (Glasgow) has managed to get a stall at the Freshers' Fair this year (well, from Tuesday until Thursday actually), and we've got a lot of free food from Redwoods and Organica to give away. But we've also got a lot of omnivorous first years to deal with... Does anyone have any good one-liners that act as a response to any of the awkward questions/arrogant statements ("They only exist because of us", "I like my chicken and cheese too much" etc) that deal with their statement in a short, concise and (if possible) slightly humorous way? (Humorous to us, not necessarily them).

    Thanks
    Last edited by Korn; Sep 14th, 2008 at 07:35 AM. Reason: This was the first post in a similar thread

  30. #230
    qwerty
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    Default Re: One-liners

    .I sure do feel like sucking some cow udders tonight

    .I use to eat anything with legs but had to stop at the chair

    .I don't eat an animal it will haunt your body, then who you gonna call Ghostbusters?

  31. #231
    Mahk
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    Default Re: One-liners

    "You're right, if you don't mind being an animal murderer, there's nothing wrong with eating meat."

  32. #232
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    Default Re: One-liners

    Remembering what's important to students, perhaps you could ask the men if they know that (high) consumption of meat and other animal products has been linked to erectile dysfunction?

    See, for example, Esposito et al, "Dietary factors in erectile dysfunction", International Journal of Impotence Research (2006) 18, 370374. (Mind you there is more in that about eating plenty of fruit and veg and having good cholesterol levels than about not eating meat, but we're only talking one-liners here )

  33. #233
    qwerty
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    Quote harpy View Post
    Remembering what's important to students, perhaps you could ask the men if they know that (high) consumption of meat and other animal products has been linked to erectile dysfunction?
    Haha good one. That's actualy what I keep thinking when other males go on about meat being a so called "man food"

  34. #234

    Default Re: One-liners

    Love it, Harpy I'll DEFINATELY be using that one.

  35. #235
    Fervent vegan DiaShel's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-liners

    When someone says something like "I like chicken and cheese too much" you could look longingly and say "Oh god, you're so right! I can't tell you how much I miss eating decomposing flesh and puss. Just thinking about it now is making me salivate!"
    "To reduce suffering means to reduce the amount of ignorance, the basic affliction with us." -Thich Nhat Hanh

  36. #236
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Things I'd like to say (but I seem to be too polite):

    "...Yeah, I've heard of that before; they found out that some people who try to go vegan are hungry all the time due to a kind of congenital brain damage."

    "...Fortunately, I was born with a rare genetic abnormality that prevents me from requiring any protein in my diet."

    "...Well, I'll be perfectly happy eating just salads until technology is found to make things like pasta, nuts, breads, tomato sauce, and peanut-butter without cow and chicken parts in them."

    "...And don't you get tired of eating only kittens?"

    "...I actually don't eat anything; I derive my nutrients directly from the air by periodically gulping it into my stomach."

    "...No, I never get hungry for beef, but sometimes when I'm passing roadkill I'll catch my stomach growling, and every once in a while a baby looks pretty good to me."

    "...Ketchup doesn't have meat in it; afterbirth isn't meat!"

    "...No, I don't mind if you have to have your steak. To each his own. I assume you don't mind if I have to have your mom."


    "Great cheese comes from happy cows--happy cows in a modern Auschwitz."

    "Great cheese comes from dairy cows--milked to death for our enjoyment."


    "BoyCOTT MILK!"

    "GOT CROHN'S DISEASE?"

    "GOT OSTEOPOROSIS?"

    "GOT UTERINE CANCER?"


    "Beef--it's death for dinner!"

    "Beef--it won't make you thinner!"

    "Beef--it's what's rotting in Matthew McConaughey's colon!"

  37. #237
    pat sommer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    How about a polite, "well, you've come to Glasgow Uni to learn, haven't you?"
    the only animal ingredient in my food is cat hair

  38. #238
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    When someone says something like you don't eat any animal products I just tell them the good things that have happened to me since I became vegan, like losing weight, acne much better, feel healthier, more energy, fit in my cloths, etc.

    One of my favorite responses to idiots is:
    be quiet I'm trying to live happily ever after here.
    cute yet gets the point across that you really don't want to debate about it.
    Cows milk for baby cows, Human milk for baby humans.

  39. #239

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    Default Re: One-liners

    Quote Declan View Post
    Heyhey. The vegan society at my uni (Glasgow) has managed to get a stall at the Freshers' Fair this year (well, from Tuesday until Thursday actually), and we've got a lot of free food from Redwoods and Organica to give away. But we've also got a lot of omnivorous first years to deal with... Does anyone have any good one-liners that act as a response to any of the awkward questions/arrogant statements ("They only exist because of us", "I like my chicken and cheese too much" etc) that deal with their statement in a short, concise and (if possible) slightly humorous way? (Humorous to us, not necessarily them).

    Thanks
    I know it won't be a favourite amongst some of the abolitionists, but if someone says "I like such-and-such too much to give it up", a good response is "Well, then give up everything else!". Every bit of animal product they give up will contribute to saving lives and reduce their carbon footprint and be better for their own health (and when they realise how awesome and easy it is, they will be more inclined to give up their one remaining weakness). There's no point in not giving up other animals products, just because the idea of giving up cheese or icecream or whatever is too hard.

  40. #240
    pat sommer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    good point: do what you can where you can and with whom you can ...uh, something like that
    the only animal ingredient in my food is cat hair

  41. #241

    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Thanks to EVERYONE who replied, most of the lines came in really handy at some point or another. Mostly met with blank looks but who cares? We got a few at least. Someone completely spoiled the good feeling today by coming up to our quiet unassuming stall in the corner of the marquee today with her friend and announcing "We're here to argue with you", viciously, which she did. But we won she ran off on the pretence of having to register for Biology, which registered on Tuesday. Her worst argument was that she didn't agree with the ethics of veganism...

  42. #242
    baffled harpy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Well done, Declan! I read somewhere that Glasgow University is quite a hotbed of veganism? So perhaps the aggressive ones were feeling outnumbered

    I expect the free food went down OK, did it?

  43. #243
    Fiend Neptunus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    I usually respond, perfectly calm, in this manner:

    "Well, I don't feel there's a reason to defend my beliefs."
    or
    "I'm happy with my decisions."

    Similar answers have probably popped up in the thread, but these I find to be very effective.
    Last edited by Neptunus; Sep 19th, 2008 at 12:42 AM. Reason: I added a little meaningful emphasis.
    "Neptunus, you've finally gone mental." ~ Stu

  44. #244

    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    We're fairly active, yep, Glasgow's a good uni to be vegan in (if I wasn't at Glasgow I'd probably not be vegan). But despite our large and growing numbers both of the unions still refuse to make vegan food. We'll work on that.

    The free food went down very well indeed; apart from in the queue for free burgers from the Christian union (but "it's ok they do quorn too") or the free pizza hut pizza. Despite us being the only group licensed to give out food at all.

  45. #245
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Show them this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6N3xkDjrkk mmm, man food :P

  46. #246
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Perhaps vegans should bring their own food and then if they lose business, maybe they'll start catering for vegans

  47. #247
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Pregnant woman: Milk is so healthy for us

    Person 2: Well when you have your baby maybe it will be healthy for the calves if you allow them to have your breast milk. :P

  48. #248
    pat sommer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    "...I won't stop eating meat."

    ...for the same reason dogs lick their balls; it's just not a pretty sight.
    Last edited by pat sommer; Sep 29th, 2008 at 05:00 AM. Reason: misspelling
    the only animal ingredient in my food is cat hair

  49. #249
    Metal Head emzy1985's Avatar
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    Hehe you always make me laugh!

    I'm dating a carcuss consumer now so I'm sure I'll have plenty to post here soon enough.
    The taste of anything in my mouth for 5 seconds does not equate to the beauty and complexity of life.

  50. #250
    exec
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    Default Re: Witty vegan comebacks / one-liners

    A : You don't eat meat?
    V : Oh, you do?

    A wants to make V an eccentric guy, V does a reverse.

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