Should we be stricter with our children?

[Hemlock]

Just a thought after reading the McDonalds thread today.
I said I'd never let my son into McDonalds as we were vegetarians when he was growing up (he's 23 now) BUT I let him do everything else, have a t.v in his room, the latest toys, play station, all kinds of rubbish.
Luckily it didn't seem to do him any harm, he's a professional artist now and a vegan.
I guess I felt guilty as I was divorced and had to work 40 hours a week in order to pay the mortgage.
I wish I had been able to spend more time doing things with him and ditching the t.v, playstation and other things but I never seemed to have any free time and was always so tired.
I think this is symptomatic of modern life, we are too tired to do anything with our kids and buy them rubbish to keep them amused.
Our lives have turned away from all that now and we have no t.v and live a simple life by the sea. I only wish things could have been different but if you have to work to survive how do you cope?

[aubergine]

Although your post doesn't sound like it's talking about strictness, I'll trow in my view.

Children are more unruly than ever. It can't be all down to bad diet.

My upbringing was a good mixture of respect (on my part) and encouragement. I see a lot of kids today that aren't being given that foundation.

[puffin]

I used to feel the same when i worked full time. I was so tired when i got home and i never felt i had spent quality time with my son. I gave up full time work when i had my second. I will not allow my children to have a TV in there room. I dont really let my kids play upstairs on there own. I believe that they should be with me and there Dad. I still dont get as much time as i would like with my eldest. He is at school all day, then wants to go around a friends etc. I then have to leave work at 5.40pm so i will only see him for an hour and a half some days. The thing is, my son knows i love him, he knows i will do anything for him, protect him, stick up for him, talk to him about his problems and as long as he knows this i am pretty happy. I also try to spend as much as possible with him at the weekend.
My eldest hads a ps2, a ds, lots of games, toys etc. No i dont feel bad for giving him this stuff because he plays his ps2 in the living room and we play it together.
Dont be to hard on yourself Hemlock. You did the best you could. You were a single mum and wanted to support your child on your own. He has turned out to be a great adult so you can never fault how you brough him up. I think we all wish we could do better as parents, i know i always do.

[Maisiepaisie]

I only wish things could have been different but if you have to work to survive how do you cope?

These days a lot more mothers have to work to survive whearas years ago most mothers stayed at home. When I was a small child in the 1970s my Mum and I lived with my Grandparents. My Grandad worked as a fabric cutter but my Mum and Gran did not work so my Grandads wage supported the 4 of us. We didn't live in poverty either, we had a car, went on holiday every year and my Grandparents could afford to smoke. Its occurred to me before that none of this would be possible in this day and age. Everything is so expensive and mothers are forced out to work just to make ends meet when they should be encouraged to stay at home to bring up their children. Life was a lot better in the 70s than it is now.

[Hemlock]

Although your post doesn't sound like it's talking about strictness, I'll trow in my view.

Yes my mind wanders and sometimes it doesn't come back I meant to add: Kids are left alone for long periods and absent parents are often too tired or guilty to be strict and bring the kids up properly. They are allowed to go out and do anything they want and eat anything they want with no rules.
I was always very strict at home even though I could be indulgent, homework had to be done, he did his own washing and ironing from the age of 13, I always knew where he was and there was no being rude to teachers.
He also had to help clean up and I taught him to cook very early on, I wanted him to be independent so he could be self-reliant.
That's turned out to be great because he often cooks fantastic food for us when he comes over to visit and my husband cooks as well - I've become very lazy and hardly ever cook myself
Sorry - mind's wandering again

[aubergine]

You sound like a perfecly good mum. I worry about the unruly kids that I see every time I leave the house. The parents only ever ask "please don't do that" and the child carries on misbehaving regardless.

I'm not saying you should beat a child, but reasoning with them doesn't work either. Makes you think.

Also what kind of adults are they going to grow up to become?

[pat sommer]

strict but indulgant... I like that; the shoe fits. I give my little monkey anything but really it's time that is most precious to her and now I hear "I want to go to neverland with Peter Pan and never grow up" that's a compliment to me! As long as she is kind and respectful and appreciates the soft life we lead (we were in Africa, China) she will grow up to be someone you would like to know.

[the_red_star]

I don't like the way alot of young children i see around about me are brought up. Children only say and do things that they are taught, more often than not by there parents. Im not saying everything is all the parents fault, nor am i saying that parents don't care but i think alot of parents around about where i live seem not to care. They let their children do whatever they want, they teach them foul language because 'it's cute or funny' when the 2 yr old shouts it out.

I would never EVER advocate hitting a child. If the child is behaving badly it is just relecting what the parent has taught them and it's upto the parent to teach their child in a respectful way.

I know i probably should'nt be commenting on parenting skills being that i've no children of my own but it annoys me that children just seem as if they have no manners!

Although, there are other factors that may come into it, like insufficient parenting due to being out the home working damn long hours to provide for your family etc etc but i still think there are alot of very unstrict parents out there that just don't have manners etc themselves so are unable to teach there children.

There are hundrerds of marvellous parents out there and Hemlock you sound like you have done a wonderful job as a parent.

I'm scared to even read over what i've wrote cos i don't think it's a very articulate way of saying what i want to say, but hopefully you all get it...sorta!

[RedWellies]

The parents only ever ask "please don't do that" and the child carries on misbehaving regardless.

I think it was Bunny who posted in a thread about parents following through with their "threats". The child will not have respect for parents, or anyone else, if there is not consistency in their lives. They can then learn that their actions have consequences.

Did anyone else watch the program where they sent modern kids back to 1950's education? It was very interesting (apart from the disections of animals!).

Hemlock, at least you care and think about these things, so many parents just don't seem to want the responsibility of discipline (and by that I don't mean smacking!) I'm sure you did a great job...you did, he's vegan!

[sugarmouse]

Hemlock you sound like a perfectly good parent to me aswell!
i completely agree with you, and it is sad, that when lives are busy and we cannot spend time with our children, 'things' are used to compensate for time..but to me it sounds as though you did your best and it was more than good enoughparticularly at the way you say your son turned out.
i realy do hear you though.and my parents were similar with me when iwas growing up..i had everythin i wanted..to make up for the fact i was always alone..my father was always out and my mother was always working.but i got all the latest things..more so than my friends.

[ravenfire]

I see a lot of parents who have become very good at ignoring their kids. They can carry on a regular conversation while their child is running around them in circles screaming and hitting them. It's like the child isn't even there. I think that this behavior is very harmful to children. They learn nothing about respect or maners and think that they can just do what they want, which most of them can. I'm sure it makes parenting easier and very convenient but doesn't tend to raise the best children.

[pat sommer]

I agree Ravenfire! A very dear friend behaves this way with her boys the days off she spends with them -drives everyone nuts- some avoid that family but magically school has taught them manners and discipline where she failed (they are sweet at heart). Let's give some rousing applause to the educators undoing years of poor parenting!

[aubergine]

There's a lot of people today who didn't really want to be parents for the right reasons.

It's not fair on the kids.

[Sheila]

This is very interesting. I am very strict with my daughter. I insist on good manners at all times. We always say, yes and please and insist on titles such as Ma'am, Sir, Miss, Mr., etc. I use them when I talk to her for example she will ask me a question and I always use Ma'am to address her back. I have actually had other parents comment on how odd that is. Well those are the same people who cannot control their own children and usually are ignoring them until they start yelling at them.

She also has every luxury that we feel is appropriate. She has her own computer, television, satellite receiver, cd player, DVD player, etc.... in her room. But these are not taken for granted since they can be taken away if need be. I have had to box up all of the DVDs once or twice.

I believe that material items don't have to be a sign of being a spoiled child or being lax as a parent.

I view the word strict as I am a parent who is teaching my child to be the best person that she can. In the real world it's pretty strict....

Sheila