Another child's birthday party.

[princessemma]

My daughter is going to another child's 4th birthday party. It will be sandwiches and crisps etc. I am going to take her with a packed lunch but I don't want her to stand out like a sore thumb. Also there will probably be goody bags so she'll need different cake and sweets. How do I approach the child's mother without comming across as a pain-in-the-bum?

[Smoothie]

just call her and tell her that your daughter gets very ill from animal foods, and ask her what she'll be serving at the party. then you can make a similar menu, and bring it with you, and give it to the mother when you bring your daughter there

[cookey]

The best way to come accross as not being a pain in the bum is not to believe you are one!
I usually phone and explain my daughter(s) vegan and if it sounds like they don't know what that means, then I offer to bring stuff. I always vet goody bags and throw stuff out that isn't vegan. Cake seems to be put in the goody bag these days rather than eaten at the party, so just ask for it not to be put in. I have often been pleasantly suprised that parents have gone to the trouble of finding vegan stuff to put in the bags.
But like you, every time we get an invitation from a child of a parent I don't know, my heart sinks a bit at the thought of having to talk to them about it.