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Thread: Vegan mum + Omni dad = confused child

  1. #1
    Blueberry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010

    Default Vegan mum + Omni dad = confused child

    Hi everyone,

    I'm hoping someone else will be able to identify with this, and maybe give some advice.

    A bit of background - in our house there is me, my lovely partner, and my son and daughter. On Jan 1st, I switched to being vegan, and my family at home have gone along with it with no complaints, they are all supportive, and if they want to eat meat or non-vegan food, well, I don't like it but it's up to them and they are happy to not do it at home. I can't ask for more really, can I? I think I'm quite lucky.

    My son goes to his dad's quite often. I can't fault his dad as a father - he loves his son and has maintained him and had contact since the divorce five years ago - again, I'm very lucky. So this may all seem a bit picky. My son is very overweight. This is my fault completely, as he was always a hungry breast fed baby who very quickly learned the louder he screamed the more I'd give him. He has an incredibly sweet tooth, and whilst I have always cooked healthy meals, have given in to him with chocolate, crisps etc. He eats so much bread it's not real. I've tried cutting him down and he just always asks for food - he has even asked what's for pudding before he has asked what's for dinner.

    Since my going vegan, he has changed dramatically. He is calmer. He eats much less - his school lunch bag now has a vegan sandwich, a cold drink, and two pieces of fruit. He usually brings one back. He loves porridge, so he's been having that with Agave nectar every morning, and when he comes home he doesn't seem to ask about dinner until about 6pm, which is a miracle! He looks a little trimmer too, and is definitely more active and alert.

    I've told his dad about the changes - and he said "it won't last". He went there on Wednesday after school and his dad dropped him at school on Thursday morning. Before he went, his dad asked me if we were still doing the "vegetarian thing", so he knew we were. This is the conversation I had with my son last night:

    Me: What did daddy give you for lunch?
    Son: A ham sandwich.
    Me: What?
    Son: Oh I knew I shouldn't have told you! Dad told me not to!
    Me: Why would he say that to you?
    Son: Look, it wasn't real ham, it was shaped like a bear!

    At this point I had to go in the kitchen and close the door! I'm really angry that he gave him meat, but not just meat, the crappiest meat ever! My kids are not vegan, so I wouldn't have minded if he'd had a bit if vegetarian cheese or something.

    I know I can't make his dad do the same as we do, but I would've thought that if the results are obvious, then he would be supportive and want the best for his child.

    Am I being picky? Should I let it go? Or should I have another word with his dad? Or should I leave it up to my nine year old son to stand up to his father?

    Sorry for the mammoth post xxx
    Nothing will benefit human health and increase chances for survival of life on Earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet. ~Albert Einstein

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Mar 2007

    Default Re: Vegan mum + Omni dad = confused child

    I'm sorry that you're going through this - you've got support from the members here, no matter what. It sounds like the last thing you want to do is for your son to get into a weird "Don't tell your mother" pattern with his dad - it undermines you, and it's really not a happy place for your son to be in. My advice, for what it's worth, would be to take a deep breath and accept that you can only control what happens in your own home - so carry on with the lovely healthy and compassionate way of living that you and your family have started, and make sure that you explain WHY we make the choices that we make about what we eat, wear and use. You may have to accept that your son will be offered things you don't agree with at his father's house, but if you're consistent, positive and chilled about your end, and your son understands the reasons, there's every chance he may start to request healthier options at his father's.

    Stay calm, don't get into a row with your ex about it, or there's the risk that he'll start using your son's diet at his house as a weapon to aggravate you with. How cordial are relations? Could you point your ex in the direction of the Government's Eat To Live website to try to point out that there are better choices than processed, salted, reclaimed meat?

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Jan 2006

    Default Re: Vegan mum + Omni dad = confused child

    Hi there,

    I started off life exactly the same way as your son (overfed) and was overweight from a very early age - nothing was done during my childhood and as a result I have been fighting with my weight forever and will be for the rest of my life. It is miserable to be overweight especially as a teenager and anything you can do to keep your son eating healthy is vital. Perhaps you can mention this to your ex - he really will be doing your son a favour. Obviously great for the vegan cause too.

    Wishing you luck


  4. #4
    Blueberry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010

    Default Re: Vegan mum + Omni dad = confused child

    Ahhh thanks you two! Ruby, everything is cordial when the ex gets his way, if you get my drift. When it isn't, he is a complete a***. I've been a patient ex for my son's sake but gosh he gets under my skin and this is just an example of him doing that. I love my son and want the best for him. I'm going to use the subtle approach and grin and bear that when he goes to his dad's, things will be different. Hopefully one day he'll make the right choices.

    Hetfield - I am in the same boat myself! I've struggled all my life, and am happier right now thean ever before - because at least I know that even though I'm overweight, I'm doing the right thing for my health and that can't be bad! I'm going to have a word with the ex (who lives on turkey drummers, KFC and waffles and eggs) when he picks up our son tomorrow. Which incidentally, should have been today, but that's another story.

    Thanks again for your support xxx
    Nothing will benefit human health and increase chances for survival of life on Earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet. ~Albert Einstein

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